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AIBU?

Advice with fat comments

81 replies

balls2DWall · 27/07/2015 17:23

I get on really well with my sil. she intimidates me slightly as she is so slim and pretty but very nice girl. however, her kids (4 and 6) constantly say to me "have you a baby in your tummy" and when i say no they say "then why are you so fat?". she brushes them off and says don't be rude to the kids but thats it. aib overly sensitive? i am "fat" so they are not wrong though i teach my son that the word "fat" can hurt people's feelings. my weight is a big issue for me and knocks me every time i hear these kids say it.

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WorraLiberty · 27/07/2015 18:10

Has your DH said anything to them?

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toffeeboffin · 27/07/2015 18:11

That's terrible for you, OP.

Whether a hurtful comment comes from a child or an adult it can be very upsetting. I am with topseyt, I'd say to the kids ' That's very hurtful' etc and would definitely mention it to your SIL.

I don't know, you say she is very nice, she doesn't sound it to me! She needs to tell the kids off, especially if they've said it to you repeatedly.

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balls2DWall · 27/07/2015 18:15

sorry DH's brother's wife lol wtf!

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AskingForAPal · 27/07/2015 18:16

I think it would be time for a very sharp and no nonsense "That's a very rude question to ask. I won't have you asking anyone about the way you look."

I wonder why they tease you about it? They must have seen a reaction they found amusing. Maybe you look helpless or confused and they find it funny? So, don't give them the satisfaction. Just crack down. Then move on.

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WorraLiberty · 27/07/2015 18:17

Oh, my fault. I only gave you two options Grin

I forgot she could be your BIL's wife!

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AskingForAPal · 27/07/2015 18:18

Sorry, "about the way THEY look."

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MollyAir · 27/07/2015 18:19

"just tell them you are fat because you can't stop eating rude children" - bloody brilliant.

Don't stand for it, OP.

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littlejohnnydory · 27/07/2015 18:22

Either blank the comment and distract with a change of subject or say 'please don't ask me that, it's rude and I don't like it'.

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AskingForAPal · 27/07/2015 18:25

What's all this "please" and "It's hurtful" stuff? I am not a parent, happy to admit it, but if one of the little kids I know (children of friends/relatives) did this to I would be telling them off! It's rude. You don't want them doing this to a teacher, old man they meet in the shops, friend's mum do you?

I think it's about on the same level as farting loudly or dribbling on each other in terms of stuff we don't do in company as it makes people think we're really rude an obnoxious.

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Salmotrutta · 27/07/2015 18:26

I think you should tell them straight too that it's very bad manners to ask personal questions and say things about other people.

Your SIL and BIL should be doing the same!

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balls2DWall · 27/07/2015 18:27

i have tried blanking but they keep saying it until i say "thats not nice" but they laugh n skip off. but thanks for all the tips though and ye have all made me feel better. i need to grow a pair i guess.

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myusernamewastaken · 27/07/2015 18:28

My daughter aged about 5 pointed to a bald man and loudly asked...mummy why has that man got no hair....i died on the spot...thankfully she grew out of being rude and is now quite tactful x

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Salmotrutta · 27/07/2015 18:29

And I agree with AskingforAPal - I wouldn't be going down the "please don't" or "hurtful" route - just firmly tell them thats a very rude comment/question.

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Salmotrutta · 27/07/2015 18:30

If they laugh and skip off it sounds to me like they know what they are doing and that it gets to you.

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balls2DWall · 27/07/2015 18:31

Salmotrutta I do believe they know what they are doing to be honest.

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AskingForAPal · 27/07/2015 18:35

Course they do!

It's just hard for the OP because she feels sensitive about it. If they were saying she was fat and she was a size 6 and had no eating issues she'd either laugh it off or tell them to blooming well stop it. So she just needs to do that now.

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Flutterbutterfly · 27/07/2015 18:37

How fat are you OP? I only ask as mine are very interested in people that are very overweight. ( similar ages) we've finally got to the point where they are discreet about it. It has taken a long time though.

Disabled people were very interesting to them too. (I tried to be matter of fact about that and actually found carers or disabled people were very happy to explain)
Smelly people, again they would try to comment.
Old people, my son told one old lady she would die soon as she was so old( I almost died with shock)
Homeless people, my dd declared she can't be that poor she has a coat.

Children don't mean to be hurtful ( even when you tell them countless times) they are just curious. They speak before you can stop them.

It might help if you tell them how sad it makes you feel.

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balls2DWall · 27/07/2015 18:38

thanks for all your comments Smile

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Vatersay · 27/07/2015 18:38

5 is plenty old enough to understand not to hurt someone else's feelings.

I'd be quite straight. 'That is very unkind and a hurtful thing to say. Would you be allowed to say that to a teacher? No? Well you are not allowed to say to your Aunt either.

It needs to be done in a no nonsense don't take the piss voice though. None of that nicey nicey ineffectual sing song rubbish.

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paintedfences · 27/07/2015 18:38

They sound like little shits tbh. Squirt gun?

They're hearing this from your SIL and her DH as where else would they pick it up? They either haven't noticed the children bullying you about your weight (do you think this is likely? What is SIL like?) or they actually think it's funny and like making you squirm while the kids are 'just being kids'.

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balls2DWall · 27/07/2015 18:40

im fat. but i walk can get around. i wear size 20-22. Blush

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SoleBizzzz · 27/07/2015 18:41

or they actually think it's funny etc

Totally agree, sorry bales.

Passive aggressive spitefulness.

Become like a broken record and say "I find your comments about my body, unacceptable".

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balls2DWall · 27/07/2015 18:41

i don't think they know how often its said. they are nice but very ... dont want to say superficial .... but looks are important. they are very nice though. kids seem to like me. i think they would be embarrassed. i hope so anyway.

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RonaldosAbs · 27/07/2015 18:45

I used to get this before I lost weight. Even from small children it's very hurtful, most of the time they really don't mean it, although I appreciate some of them might. She should be doing more to stop this behavior from them if she knows this is an issue for you.

Are you able to do anything to work on your self esteem, you shouldn't be intimidated by people because they are slim and pretty, sounds like you could use a boost. Have some Flowers from me.

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TheoriginalLEM · 27/07/2015 18:47

Im sorry but they have heard this from somewhere - Fat wouldn't have even registered with my DD at that age (and i am fat!). It sounds like they have picked this up from either school or home!

Its pants isn't it - and ahaaahahahahaha to those who say, if it bothers you that much just lose it! Now i am a big girl - size 20. So you might think im a fat blimp who sits on the sofa all day scoffing chocolate. Wrong, i don't actually eat that much although my diet isn't brilliant. I have a cleaning job that is pretty full on, i also labour for my DP who is a builder and he can ask me to do anything he could ask another guy to do and i'll manage. Oh, and today i completed my first 10k run. I just happen to be quite big. The running however does seem to be knocking off the lard, even though im not running to lose weight. I run because i suffer from anxiety and like you OP i am on medication for this. Its a pain but the meds absolutely did make me the weight i am now - i put on four stone within the first six months of taking them. But hey, i haven't thrown myself under a train so its a fair pay off. Please think before you make comments like it is that easy. There are often reasons other than just being greedy/lazy for people to be overweight.


I would definately tell the children (in front of the mother) that it is really hurtful to say that to someone, in fact it is rude and hurtful to make comments about peoples appearance full stop. Would your SIL be so quick to brush it off if they were commenting on someone's colour?


Hopefully it will make them understand and make whoever is talking about this in front of children stop and think too.

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