If you have/if you could change your life

[pickingstrawberries]

Where would or where have you started?

I know I need to make big changes but I just can't do them all at once and I feel a bit overwhelmed wondering where to start.

Help me out.

Where did you start? Or where would you?

I came out of work to care fory DH (he then passed away), change my opinion on everything, so I started at the bottom working in Care, built up and went back into education. Ironically living on benefits allowed for that to happen (pre child tax credit etc days).

Another time I thought what it was that I was unhappy with, wanted to add, camping allowed me to be in the countryside with my dog, at a price I could afford.

In January, I'd had enough of being fat, so I've focused on losing weight and getting fit, I've lost three stone.

I've now made a tick box list of priority, one is getting my skin looking better (I'm late 40's) so I'm dry brushing and using Nip and Fab.

In a couple of weeks im adding in nail and cuticle care.

A longer aim is to invest in getting my teeth sorted out.

I've also decided that I want a Male friend, so I've joined a Online dating site.

Make a priority list and calculate reasonable time scales.

If I could go back in time I would

I'm also looking at voluntary work that will feed my soul. There's lots I can do, for just three hours a week.

I've been adding my own wish list since December, part of which was admitting I had anxiety and feeling with that for six weeks first.

Cliche, but time passes whether or not you're making changes, so it doesn't matter how long your journey will take.

I quite like the list idea too. Think of what you would like to change, for me at various times it was my career, my education and my weight.

It's great when someone reaches a point when they want to get more proactive and take control of their life but the worst thing you could do is to then live on pause until you achieve it iyswim. So don't think of it in terms of "when I lose 2 stone, get a promotion and meet the love of my life, i'll be perfect."

Also think practically, if it's about weight then look at how you can start eating healthy foods. If it's your career then research around the area you want to move into and the steps you can take to achieve it. And focus your mind on positive thinking, it might sound a bit woo but making major changes requires motivation and determination.

Me too rose.

I'm already feeling like its impossible and go back to sleep.

If I could go back in time I would;

Have finished my education
NEVER have married my ex (quit Uni to marry the abusive bastard)
NEVER have gotten involved with a tosser a year after my divorce

So, you see, only ONE change (putting education first) would have taken care of the other two mistakes.

The only other change would be to NOT have bought our ramshackle farmhouse. Or that we would have sold it 10 years ago before the US housing bubble burst. We love country life, but now that we're retired the upkeep is too much and the market is to low to get what we need from the sale. In retrospect, we would have been better off to buy a smaller house in a nice suburb.

It's tricky going back and identifying the mistakes but they are done now I suppose.

OP every journey starts with just one step.

Write a list, go as crazy as you like, with things you would like to do/change/achieve. Big things and small things, like learning a new language to decorating the living room. Lets say you decide on 6 goals. Write a list for each goal of the steps you think you need to get there.

Then pick one of them and decide what the first step necessary is and do it. So for the living room? Maybe you just browse online for colours? Maybe you need to measure the room. For the language, how about ringing your local college to find out about a course. And then tick that thing off your list. And then stop for the day because you have achieved what you set out to do today, which is tick off one of the steps on your list.

Do one small thing every day that brings you closer to reaching your goals. Rome wasnt built in a day. Slow and steady wins the race.

I did. 4 years ago I was massively over weight, unfit, hated my job, hated myself, felt like a shit mum, shit wife.

The first thing was quitting my job to work for dh. Which tbh for the first 2 years was hell and I felt I had made a mistake. We nearly split because it was so hard working and living together. I also joined a gym and started cooking more. As I had more time.

Now me and dh are better than ever. I am a healthy weight, like myself, more confident in parenting, me and dh own a different business in an industry we have always wanted to be in, work pt helping a friend run his gym, have plenty of time with the kids.

Was a huge leap of faith to leave my job and it did seem like a mistake for a while. Looking back now it was the best thing I ever did, even though it took a while to get there.

These are encouraging thanks :) I am quite lazy. Need to focus.

Don't do it the way I did it! I kept going until I broke. I was very ill for twelve months - signed off sick, stopped eating, etc.

During recovery I decided to quit my job. Ended up setting up my own business and then my boyfriend at the time left me for someone else.

Best thing ever though because I'm pregnant with my first baby, am getting married in Nov and business is going great

I'd take my DS, but I would go back in time

By the way, make one of the changes something you actually love or think you'll love. Losing weight is a great aim but personally i wouldnt love it, i wouldnt get a kick out of eating less or running. What i do get a kick out of is dancing and acting an eejit so that would be my change for losing weight. If you arent enjoying it you wont want to do it and so you wont achieve it. If its something you look forward to every week/day then thats half the battle.

Make list as Surly said.

Then put numbers in priotity of things which need doing. 1 being the highest. 1 means - doing that cange/task is going to make buggest difference to your life.

It works!

Once you tackle at least one of items from the list marked as 1 you'll see massive difference to your life.

I'd have accepted the electrical engineering apprenticeship that I was offered in my first secretarial job, instead of leaving for another secretarial job that paid £2K more than the role I was in.

Had I taken it, I would have been trained in time to take advantage of the big rush to work in Dubai for £££s, been trained in a career for life and goodness knows what would have followed.

The most short sighted decision I made in my entire life, but I learnt hard from it and never repeated that mistake again! Things career wise have worked out fine, but I still look back at that time and wonder where I'd be now if I'd been more sensible.

I need to lose weight, I feel sluggish. I keep comfort eating though.

I am a bit frightened of making a list, there's so much and I think I'd just get scared and stick my head in the sand again.

Ok dont make a list.

Pick one thing you'd like to change that i pretty achievable and just work on that. Maybe losing weight? You can make small changes every day with that one.

Yes, am going to try.

Am breastfeeding and just seem to get ravishingly hungry, I know breastfeeding is supposed to help you lose weight but I just get so hungry.

When I'm overwhelmed I try to start with the easiest thing, at least the thing I hope will be easiest.

Ok, do your start is possibly making your nutrition as good as it can be and enjoying the good weather whenever possible?

Congratulate yourself on getting enough sleep (when it happens), that is an aid to weight loss and never allow a negative thought to linger.

New Mums are good at listing what they're not getting done and not what they have done, even if it is cuddles with the baby (which are important) and sleeping/resting enough.

Oh yes BFing made me a food monster!! How about forget about trying to eat less food and just try and be a bit more active, drink more water, get good sleep (i know! I know! Impossible with BFing baby but worth mentioning incase its at all possible). You could try something like yoga if your leisure centre has a creche?

I have done it and still do it all the time. Big and small changes or just tweaking.

Don't complain, think of the positives you already have and use your energy wisely.
Concentrate on what you want out of your life and how you can get it.
Don't compare your life with others.
Never wallow in the past. Bad decisions should be learned from.
Have a plan but don't forget to enjoy yourself in the meantime.
If things are getting you down then each small change you make will feel better and spur you on.
Obvious, but you have to make things happen.

Thank you :)

I would have have moved and lived at the coast.