If you have/if you could change your life

[pickingstrawberries]

Where would or where have you started?

I know I need to make big changes but I just can't do them all at once and I feel a bit overwhelmed wondering where to start.

Help me out.

Where did you start? Or where would you?

Sorry - wrong thread!

I always wanted to live by the sea :)

I've written down three things then started crying.

My DS hates me.
I am fat and ugly I know it's shallow
I have barely any friends.

I'll try and put my violin away :)

Strawbs, your DS does NOT hate you, he's probably being a little shit like mine is right now. Your amazing,you created a life, that makes you beautiful, no matter what looks are, no matter what the world considers good looking, you, you! Created a life, you are amazing and beautiful and wonderful, done let bad thoughts or anyone tell you different x

**dont ..... Sorry too many gins x

And strawbs, I used to be a lovely size ten.... Ah well guess what, I'm still me there is just a lot more to love x

strawbs, do you feel like sharing why you think your DS hates you? We can assure you that he does NOT, but maybe if we could address your specific idea it may be more helpful.

When DS1 was an infant, he became colicky. It was a nightmare few weeks. I felt like a shit mum, but he was just a baby, he didn't hate me. A baby isn't capable of hate.

You aren't 'fat and ugly'. Neither am I. OK, I could stand to lose a few and my face will never be my fortune. But I am worthy, I am a good person. That's more important.

I don't have a lot of friends, but the friends I have are true friends. I'll bet in your few friends you can find at least one to reach out to.

You sound overwhelmed. Do you have any support in RL?

Hey pond thanks for replying, I was feeling particularly 'woe-is-me' yesterday, I think. After some sleep, I do think 'of course I am fat, I just had a baby!'

DS is junior school age and does seem to veer between not wanting to leave my side for a second to showing me complete contempt and rudeness - it's a worry. I hope part of it is that he feels comfortable enough to act out with me, if you see what I mean.

Having a new baby is a big change for all the family and your DS is probably reacting to that. He might be feeling a little insecure now there is a baby as well as him and resentful now he no longer has you all to himself. But that's natural and he just needs lots of reassurance that you love and need him, which I'm sure he will get. It's not unusual for older children to feel a bit pushed out after a new sibling is born but it does pass.

As for friends, are there any mother and baby groups or baby massage classes or anything near you? The health visitor might be able to suggest some or Surestart (if anything like it still exists). I met some of my closest friends at these places. I felt quite isolated after having each of my babies and was amazed once I got to DC4 and joined these groups that nearly every other new mother felt exactly the same (although that didn't come out until I got to know them a bit better). I thought everyone was coping except me! I wish I'd had the confidence to link up with new mums after my first DC instead of my last.