Use of the words abusive and controlling on MN

[SrAssumpta]

Recently there seems to be a surge in the dramatically unnecessary use of words like abusive and controlling on here and I really think I've become desensitized to it so I would imagine that's how real victims of abuse or people with genuinely controlling partners would feel too if they came on talking about their relationship, does that make sense?

A woman got told the other day she sounded controlling for making a meal plan ffs, I mean seriously? These words get thrown around now it's going to either lead to everyone thinking they're in abusive relationships or in fact controlling and the people who genuinely need to understand that their relationship isn't normal won't be able to see it because suddenly everybody is abusive or controlling.

What crap you post, LazyLohan.

' only people who have signed up to one specific pretty extreme form of interpretation tend to post on there. The lack of balance tends to mean that quite a few people are given very bad advice. I suspect an awful lot of people are also put off posting in there for exactly that reason. The relationship boards might prove more useful for a larger amount of people if there was a bit more balance and posters weren't afraid of the sort of hysterical response we've seen on this thread to any dissent.'

Do you understand the difference between facts and opinions, LazyLohan?

This is all in your opinion -- and some of it (your suspicions) is actually your imagination running away with you.

I sincerely do not get how so many people here are saying categorically that people are being given 'bad advice' when that is not an objective fact but an opinion .

You have convinced yourselves that the focus on abuse is some sort of knee jerk reaction, seemingly based on one example of a man presenting a woman with a cake.

Here is a typical example of the bone headedness: 'Mumsnet doesn't have to be a gestalt for there to be identifiable trends on the boards.' The reason people get advice about abuse on particular boards is that they post about abuse. They would get advice about gardening if they posted on the gardening board. Relationships tends to be a board where people post when they are having a bad time in a relationship.

You might as well complain about the 9 o'clock news showing all bad news and disasters. If it was all puppies and lemonade it wouldn't be the news.

And yet more bone headedness:
'AskBasil - this thread is about the situations where it is obviously not abuse but a few people try to say it is.'

Bumbley, do you understand that two people can look at a thread and come to different conclusions about it?
Do you understand that your opinion is an opinion and not an established fact?
Do you understand the difference between opinion and fact?

Why does there need to be a conclusion? It's a discussion/debate?

Sometimes they result in people agreeing. Sometimes they don't.

This is clearly one of the cases where it won't finish with everyone agreeing....and that's ok.

this thread is about the situations where it is obviously not abuse but a few people try to say it is.

I honestly don't know how many different ways people can point out the issue with this kind of statement. Head, meet desk.

Yes Math, I do understand that. Do you?

Smillas, were you one of the people trying to say buying cake at the end of a date (clearly not abuse) was abusive? If not, I'm not sure why you have a problem.

I can follow it just fine. I also don't need to resort to swearing and name calling when I don't like that someone disagrees with my opinion...

Is calling someone "thick as a bloody post" debating?

As has been said several times, some people aren't very keen on dissent.
I rest my case.

As has been said several times, some people aren't very keen on dissent.
I rest my case.

Is that the point of all this going round in circles and derailing and refusing to get a point even if it hits you in the face? So that everyone with any grasp of logic gets wound up and you can say 'well I've been nothing but polite', as if that's a valid argument?

You just happen to have a different opinion. That doesn't mean that you're right and everyone who disagrees with you has no grasp of logic or is 'thick'.

Perhaps I haven't followed the full thread-certainly the last few pages have been rather circular-but some may consider the phrase "thick as a bloody post" a tad, well, er- abusive.

Math, I didn't claim to have conducted a scientific study of the phenomena, and I think it was very clear it was my opinion without me having to explain that in detail.

Anyway, carry on. Your hysterics and loss of temper perfectly illustrate what I mean about people who lose their rag when anybody suggests that every tiny little thing isn't abuse.

Oh, and as for posting crap, you might want to have a read of your own tortuous posts which are so verbose they're practically nonsensical.

So you haven't actually looked closely but you keep on blathering on about what is essentially just a figment of your impression, and expressing an opinion about what you imagine goes on as if it was a fact.

I am amazed you can deduce from four words on a screen that I am hysterical and have lost my rag.

Rest that imagination of yours and pay attention to reality a little more, and you will find you'll make less of a spectacle of yourself here.

math

the fact that you think the relationships board would be all about abuse says it all. Most relationships are not abusive. And you would expect the relationships board to flush out relationship problems, not phantom abusers.

math

Maybe they should just create another board "Relationships - rational" where people can post for non crazy answers.

So I gather you haven't either read my post or seen much of the Relationships board.

Maybe hone those comprehension skills a bit.

If you have spent time reading on the Relationships board and you still think there is less abuse described than other posters assume there is, then what you are looking at is a matter of people with different opinions.

Yes, but I have a second order opinion about those opinions. Your posts are like a parody of good argumentation.

Of course you have a second order opinion. This is also known as an agenda.

No, it's really not.

I... don't get it. Is this some sort of shtick? You just sound so cringe-worthily unaware of how poor your arguments are.

Going back a long while, but as I was going to post a reply to the supposed "oh look, she was wrong", life and work got in the way. Then I left it as I knew I was getting too angry at the few posts I had read.

So, certainly not aiming for a bunfight, I'll just say well done for:
A) finding the thread
B) not reading it properly in its entirety
C) finding out that yes I do think one instance can be abuse
D) where someone's property is damaged on purpose and there is no sign of regret (as the thread goes by) can be abusive - I still think that mother is on a dangerous slippery slope, but fingers crossed
E) that i think in that instance there would be reason to report it to the police IF the adult 18 year old kept refusing to apologise and compensate the mother for breaking her expensive item (I know, mere details for those who'd rather be right than to read anything properly)
F) failing to distinguish between what I think the op could well do under the circumstances and "demanding" (as in why aren't you doing it op?) that she does it
G) demonstrating what I was saying about people who initially quoted the thread perfectly. (And if you are in doubt do read this thread and the one mentioned)
(Note: most of the above in relation to me are hardly a secret- you can go through my posting history all you like)

As for whoever suggested she would name change if she were me, I think it shows more about that person than me.

And the way the thread is still going, I don't think I have anything else to add to what I said earlier on it.

It took you two days to come up with that ?