To ask what constitutes a big spend that needs you to discuss with your other half in your house?

[DoeEyedNear]

Do you have a monetary limit or specific items that you feel must be discussed with your partner before purchasing?

Aibu to think spending £1000 without discussing it with your partner isn't on?

Some kind of sports equipment? An item of clothing?

Have they had issues with spending in the past?

Who did they borrow from, when do they need to repay?

And given your finances, a discussion would absolutely be needed, even if the purchase was entirely justified, purely out of respect and togetherness.

forget the figure they have borrowed one months household income, how do they propose to pay it back? Not on at all.

You can't make generalisations which fit all situations .

My partner and I have our own income , in getting on for 25 years we have never had joint accounts and we don't account to each other for anything. I bought a flat without discussing it beyond telling him I was doing it.

Your situation is completely different.

Our limit is £150. We have a reasonable income between us but we still discuss any expense over £150. The limit is set at fractionally more than my normal hair dressers cost - that's non negotiable expenditure :)

We both have personal spend that never requires discussion. Anything else more than £50 does.

We run a business together so actually our 'spend without discussion' limit is quite high because we buy expensive items for the business without discussion so that attitude has carried over to our personal lives.

In the OP's scenario, if the non-earning person has agreed a payment scheme that doesn't involve them tapping into the household earnings (ie they will use their savings; their JSA) then I wouldn't have an issue with it.

If the non-earning person expects the rest of the family to go without so the loan can be paid back then I would be

but really it depends on the item eg if they thought it would help them earn income; help with their health, then I wouldn't have an issue with it.

I realise I sound quite chilled but I guess it's because I ultimately have faith in DP not to make reckless financial decisions

I was thinking if I was spending more than around £40, you can tell my DH and I are living a glamorous life.

If it's something non essential for yourself only then really neither of us would spend more than about £20 without discussion.

However, essential items do not require discussion. So when I need to buy something like say a bed for a child or several gazillion pounds worth of uniform, I do not need to discuss it with dh.

You can really only combine finances if your ideas about spending match up.

Car, holiday, furniture, clothing ... basically anything that isn't a mandatory spend (mortgage, bills, groceries).

DH wouldn't spend anything over £50 without clearing it with me first, and he is the larger earner. I wouldn't really spend anything over £20 without mentioning it to DH. The disparity between the figures is probably because I have a stronger "miser gene" than DH, and get itchy about spending over £20 on something we could live without -- and you can live without a lot of things.

If my DH spent £1000 on something for himself without telling me and borrowed the money to boot when we had both agreed to save towards a specific goal, it would cause a severe rupture in our marriage. I would be seriously considering whether or not the circumstances warranted divorce proceedings.

That might sound a bit dramatic, but there were some spending incidents in the early years of our marriage that I found very distressing at the time as we were saving up for a house. We sorted it out and finally came to a common understanding about finances and spend so it would be a major issue if DH were to disregard those agreements.

We'll discuss anything major for the house (eg new windows, new front door, artwork for a wall) simply because we want to make sure the other likes it/agrees it's a good or reasonable purchase. Cost doesn't really come into it although we have a joint account for household stuff.

Purchases for ourselves are maybe discussed but not to get permission, more for an opinion or as a 'oh, I'm going to get x' kind of thing. We have also separate finances for personal stuff and can use them for anything we fancy.

werks if you're dramatic then I am because that's what I'm seriously considering

I think you need to be a bit more open about what exactly your partner did. But yes, if my DH spent £1K without discussing it with me on anything, regardless of whether it solely benefited him, I'd be livid. Is this standard selfishness or a random one-off?

Anything more than a couple of hundred would warrant mutual agreement first. I'd be pretty pissed off if my dh spent a grand without discussing it with me first in our current situation. And we are quite comfortable, don't have any spare money at the end of the month but don't really want for anything.

In your situation I'd be fucking livid. What is it? was he thinking?

is it a push bike?

I'd be pissed off too.

I think it depends on the finances or the couple here anything over 20 needs discussing as it impacts on food bills

Apart from food and normal household stuff like ink cartridges etc we discuss everything apart from pressies to each other. Took us a month to replace our printer for example. That was an under £50 purchase but we checked reviews etc.

It's all a bit too drip feedy. FGS just tell us in one go what's actually happened!

If you are married or in a partnership then it depends on your joint earnings. Who does and doesn't work is not relevant.

You're meant to be in the same team, on the same side. If you're not, then what's the point? If he spent £1k in therapy, career training, "self improvement" etc then I'd be worried he'd not spoken about it; if he spent a months' salary on (eg) a bike, then, yeah, I'd be livid.

In one go

He spent £1000, which is one months income, on an item only he can use without consulting me and surprised me with the news this evening. He doesn't work due to being made redundant a few months ago. He admitted borrowing the money in order to fund this item and we cannot afford the extra expense to repay the loan.

I am beyond livid and am seriously considering divorce right now.

Obviously it is unreasonable if you don't have the money. However, why is that fact that he is not earning relevant? Do you feel that it is okay for you to spend money but not him?

I don't feel it's OK for either of us to spend so selfishly right now.

I'd be seriously hacked off and yes it would put pressure on my marriage.

I bet its the straw that broke the camels back.yanbu, op. Does he get how serious this is?

Is it a bike?