Spoiled children

[AlwaysSpoiled34]

Is it always so good to spoil a child? Some people think presents, treats and so called nice things in life are more important than spending time with children. I was at this social event today and it looked so obvious that mother loves her birthday boy but is not an adult herself. Children want to be surrounded by responsible grown ups to feel secure. AIBU to think that you can spoil rotten your children and they will not thank you for that?

You can also give child things equally to time also though surely?

Are you having a dig at a young mum spoiling her child on their birthday

That's how it reads to me.

How did you decide the mother wasn't an adult?

Huh?. What does the mothers age have to do with love, being responsible or spoiling the child?.

It's a birthday! You can't judge from one snapshot of somebody's day.

I do think it is damaging to always give children everything material that they want without ever saying no or getting them to understand the value of things.

And yes some people seem to view material gifts and money spent as a substitute for time and a relationship. But I don't think it is necessarily either or.

And it's mean and judgemental of you to decide from one snapshot that this might be the case.

Was it me? I like playing silly buggers with my child and he's a bit spoilt. I'm 42 by the way (but frequently act 7).

What do you mean wasn't an adult herself?

Your post doesn't make much sense. What's the issue exactly? She spoils her son and isn't very responsible? Can you give examples?

Wtf.
So you cannot look young and be a parent. You have to look old?
Buying a child presents on their birthday is spoiling them?

How very dare a child be treated on their birthday. Horrifying.

I think ds is quite spoilt in some ways, and yes we are making up to him for other things that are quite difficult in his life.

I've always believed that white British people are much more into the concept of the 'spoiled' child than other cultures, and that in the past British people have thought that children given too much time or attention were spoiled, which is nuts. Wonder if that's true though.

I don't think she means that the mum isn't an adult in terms of years but attitude.

My children aren't spoiled, by the way, although they are pampered with material things they are also appreciative and polite.

Oh give over and stop with the superior attitude. Teen mum wants to buy her ds stuff on his birthday,hardly headline news ffs.

So you were at this social event of a happy mother and her son sourly judging and finding her wanting? So much so you had to post it on here. You sound a bit mean spirited if I am honest.

Yanbu, it is always very wise and open minded to make judgements on whether a child is materially spoiled by what they received on their birthday, also there are many scientific studies showing how from a social event you can make a concise judgement on how much time someone spends interacting with their child. Also yanbu to think if she wasn't visibly middle aged, preferably pensionable age, then it is fair play to make assumptions about her parenting.
You would nbu to market yourself as the parenting guru

BertieBoots and pickingstrawberries understood what I was trying to say. My mother always behaved like a child, gave me lots of presents and all that. But she always wanted to be centre of attention. Very narcissistic behaviour. It was always about her. So sad to be raised this way.

Christ which stupid book have you been reading. Do not judge or you will be judged.

So this is about your own experience then?

If this is about your mother, you should have said so (or started a general thread). It was unfair to pull a random family that you saw into it.

I'm 27 but somebody asked me if I was 15 the other day and thought I was DS' sister

Why didn't you say that in your OP?

Is this about your mum or a mum at the social event you were at today who you've determined (by unknown criteria) is a child herself?

Welcome to MN OP.

I seem to be saying that a lot lately.

Children can be bought things and not be spoilt. It's an attitude. You seem to resent your mother for making a big deal of your birthday?

You feel she did that for her benefit and not yours? It may be true in your case, it may not be true in the case you have given in your OP.

Making a big deal of the birthday boy/girl is not narcissistic behaviour in itself. Some narcs may do it, it doesn't mean all that do it are narcs.

YABVVU if you're judging a mother on her age.