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Who is unreasonable? Me or friend for saying that is the reality for many so suck it up?

163 replies

brownpaperbag2 · 24/07/2015 15:15

A friend lives in a very nice 3 bed semi in a great location, lovely commuter village in South East with good schools etc. she pays £370 a month for her council property, where as mp the average for a 3 bed semi to rent here is £1400 a month.

I have always told her she is lucky. She has lived there 12 years and has 2 cars, goes abroad every year, pays for private tuition etc. her husband earns £34,000 a year and she earns £4000 a year part time school hours. Her husband has just gone for a promotion to earn himself £45,000 a year.

This years budget means she is likely to have to pay full market rent, thus more than tripling her rent. She is freaking out and saying that it isn't fair as her family will suffer. She has 2 children and pays for tennis lessons, tuition, football club etc

I said that this is what other families have to pay, including someone 3 doors up in the exact same house so why should she pay less and have a better lifestyle than her neighbours who also have 2 children and both work full time.

Clearly it fell on deaf ears.

OP posts:

Cabbagesaregreen · 24/07/2015 15:17



HumphreyCobbler · 24/07/2015 15:19

It will not be what she wants to hear right now though, will it? You are unlikely to get an "Oh well" when she is facing such a rise in rent.


Mulligrubs · 24/07/2015 15:20

I think you'll get some harsh replies but YANBU at all


UrethraFranklin1 · 24/07/2015 15:20

It's about time she had to pay up, but also it must be a huge thing to get your head around. You might be right but you don't have to be a bitch about it to her.


Shannaratiger · 24/07/2015 15:21

YANBU we live in Hampshire, have a 3 bedroom house housing association and pau £690 per month now!


DoeEyedNear · 24/07/2015 15:23

Yanbu she needs to suck it up or move


NoArmaniNoPunani · 24/07/2015 15:27

YANBU. Rents are ridiculous though. There should be a happy medium between £370 and £1400 pm.


SoupDragon · 24/07/2015 15:28

I have always told her she is lucky.

How tedious.


StonedGalah · 24/07/2015 15:29

Well it is going to be her reality, but depending on her you worded it? Some people dont realise how good they have it until it's being taken away.

That is a lot of money a month extra to have to fork out. But l live in London with a lot of council houses and I've commented before to DH about all the nice cars parked around our streets.

If they're earning then they have to contribute.


Dynomite · 24/07/2015 15:30

I agree with you in principle OP but the thing is this is a biig change for her right now and I think any one of us would be struggling with it. And her family will suffer because some big changes will have to be made by that family. So I think maybe your reply was a bit harsh. If she really is a friend, try and be a bit more supportive.


PtolemysNeedle · 24/07/2015 15:32

You are right that she doesn't really have anything to complain about, but friends listen to each other complain about mundane non issues all the time. And while your friend has indeed been very lucky to have had cheap social rent up until now, I think anyone would be pissed off that their lifestyle is about to change dramatically.

Without hearing the conversation it's impossible to say who was BU because we can't hear the tone of your friends complaining or the tone of your response.

I don't think your 'why should she get xyz when someone down the road gets abc' thing is helpful. You can apply it to many things about our country's systems that are unfair, but it doesn't help the individuals involved feel any better about their own situation.


OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 24/07/2015 15:32

Technically YANBU but I don't think that's a very kind or compassionate thing to say to someone who is clear worrying about the change in living costs.

Yes you might think tennis tuition is a luxury (and I would agree) but there's a sharp difference between someone who has never been able to afford tennis lessons and someone who is going to have to stop their children's tennis lessons because they can no longer afford them.

I think it would probably be nicest to just bite your tongue for now - to my mind it's no different from the fact that my parents paying £300 a month for their house which they bought in the 90s compared to their neighbour paying £1500 a month for the same thing. Yes they've been fortunate but if they suddenly had to start paying the same I'm sure they'd panic too.


TriJo · 24/07/2015 15:32

If they can afford tennis lessons, private tuition etc and have 2 cars then they can afford to pay a bit more rent. They are far from the only ones who will be hit by this budget.


BathtimeFunkster · 24/07/2015 15:34


One of her household bills is going to triple for no good reason at all.

Forcing local authorities to charge "market" rent is an outrageous interference in the market.

Why shouldn't they set their own rent?


Binit · 24/07/2015 15:37

Yanbu overall, but I do feel sorry for her facing a massive additional unexpected monthly outlay.


MrsAmaretto · 24/07/2015 15:37

I know this won't be a popular opinion but I do think it's unfair that there's people in social housing who no longer need it due to better jobs etc but the have a house for live, meanwhile the waiting lists are huge with people in need. YANBU but what a massive rent hike for your friend


DawnOfTheDoggers · 24/07/2015 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brownpaperbag2 · 24/07/2015 15:39

I haven't been harsh, I promise.

She doesn't want her children's lives to change, she can accept changes to her life, but not her children. They have mobile phones, iPads, new bikes, logo clothes etc. Ironically the things with real value, like the private tuition, the children don't value.

I'm not sure what to think. How can she suddenly find over £1000 a month? She is likely to have to move, and move quite far away. She was born and raised in this village with her parents anfd grandparents and sister still here.

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 24/07/2015 15:40

But nice that you think that people who live in council houses should have shit, miserable lives. Even when one of them is your friend.

We're not allowed to have "politics of envy" about wealthy oligarchs distorting our economy, but it's totally fine to take every last perk away from people earning modest salaries because that's "not fair". Hmm

Surely we should be looking at how to make sure every family on that level of income can have a nice life, rather than making sure it's equally shit for everyone?

What with the social engineering about family size and the taking things away from people to make things fair, this Tory government is almost socialist in its joylessness.


Jelliebabe1 · 24/07/2015 15:41

No good reason at all! LOL I don't think that you should qualify for social housing if your earnings are above a certain rate! Free up housing for someone who really does need it!


Happyringo · 24/07/2015 15:43

Agree with dawn. Social housing should be to help during tough times, not a ticket to get subsidised housing for life regardless of income.


BathtimeFunkster · 24/07/2015 15:44

But at least now the precedent has been set of telling organisations what they must charge in rent...

So no more excuses of that kind for not introducing a cap on rents to help fix our fucked up housing market.

Social tenancies were never meant to just be for really poor people.


ErrolTheDragon · 24/07/2015 15:46

YABU and so is she. She should realise that as she's had a below-market rent for years, she should have taken the opportunity to save, and YABU for expecting her to take the change well.

Of course what's really unreasonable is that there was ever such a discrepancy between council and private rents esp in the SE. Elsewhere in the country you can rent a good 3-bed detatched (in a nice town) for about £800.


brownpaperbag2 · 24/07/2015 15:47

She has said that the way they will save the £1000 a month is:-

No foreign holiday a year - saving £400 a month
No tennis lessons - saving £45 a month for half the yeaR
No take aways or meals out - saving £100 a month
Reduced clothing budget by £50

We live in a rural village so she deems 2 cars a necessity.

Actually, she thinks she really can't afford £1000 extra a mont and will have to move. She genuinely can't see how to fine £1000 extra. She can find £600 a month but no more.

What are people supposed to do?

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 24/07/2015 15:48

But look at all the people - delighted that a family on a modest income will be forced to move to a new area, away from their support network of family and friends, children will have to go to new schools, stop living like they are not the children of poor oiks.


One family's life made shit so the government can score pointless political points from nasty, vindictive people motivated by envy.

Of course she should suck it up - making life harder for ordinary working people was what won the recent election.

We choose to be a nations of nasty, grudging bastards who take pleasure in the misfortune of others.

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