DH will not go to his fucking bed

[toddlersareeasier]

He is waiting up for DS, who is 20. FFS. I don't understand why he is doing this. Who wants to come in from a night out and have their dad open the door??

I have told him to come to bed and not sleep. I have told him that I'll stay downstairs if he wants ( I could sleep on the couch). I am this fucking close to yelling at him- the DC have asked him soooo many times to go to his bed and he won't fucking listen.

I can't understand why he is behaving like this.

My mum used to do this to me- because her dad did it with her largely so he could scare the living bejesus out of guys she was necking with outside the front door who had walked her home from the dancing. But the world is different now than in the 60s or 90s.

However, it was out of genuine concern for my safety, she couldn't sleep not knowing where I was. So we worked out if I was going to be out past midnight, I would phone her to tell her that and give her a rough eta (plus reassure her I was with friends who would look after me if anything untoward happened, that I didn't need her to leave out taxi money for me, and she could tell me if it would be helpful for me to pick up milk on the way home etc). And if I was going to be out past the eta, I should phone again to give a revised time as soon as I knew, even if it meant waking her up/leaving a message.

Worked out fine after that.

My dad used to work shifts, so quite often I'd roll in after 3am and he'd be sitting in his chair watching telly, and I'd have to pretend to be slightly less pissed than I was, and tell him about my night out. But no one ever waited up specifically for me to come home. As long as my parents knew where I was and who I was with, that was fine.

My teenager hasn't started going out yet, but there's an event next month that'll probably be her first time out late. I expect to remain awake, but in bed...

Hope you managed to have a productive chat with your DH, toddlers, but I somehow doubt it, if he's done it with the older ones and still not stopped.
At least if he gave a reason for it, it could be explained to the DC and they could then just accept it, or roll their eyes and go "just a Dad thing then".

My ds1 is 17 - he sometimes goes to parties at local friends etc. We talk about how he is planning to get home - sometimes he walks, sometimes a shared lift and sometimes a taxi.

I go to bed with the phone in case things go drastically wrong, he can call me ( never had to) and I have a rough idea how long he is planning to stay out, and who else is going. When he comes back he sticks his head around the bedroom door to let me know he is back. Am usually dozing if not asleep but at 17 I just like to know that he is home safely. I wouldn't grill him though - just say 'you have fun? you OK? Thanks love... '

But at 20 - well that's an adult...