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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wish that all of you should stop feeling so guilty.

27 replies

derxa · 22/07/2015 16:57

I'm old and long past the child rearing stage but it saddens me to read a lot of the threads on here. People running themselves into the ground trying to do the right thing. I have a link from the reviled Daily Mail but it might help someone somewhere.
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3170644/Woman-s-heartfelt-blog-post-pleading-mothers-not-judge-mums-feel-guilty-agonise-decisions.html

OP posts:
LazyLouLou · 22/07/2015 17:20

I stopped reading at "mummy blogger" - blech

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2015 17:21

I don't mind clicking a Daily Mail link

I refuse to click a 'mummy blogger' link though Grin

Original poster
derxa · 22/07/2015 17:22

why is a 'mummy blogger' such a hate figure?

OP posts:
ssd · 22/07/2015 17:22

me too

and someone with kids aged 5 and 16 months hasnt a bloody clue, I cant stand these ones that have kids then suddenly know it all, mine are teenagers and I realise I've got loads to still learn

ssd · 22/07/2015 17:24

mummy blogger = someone who's had kids for 2 minutes, realises its as boring as hell and decides to tell the world what she's learned on her journey

yuk, just yuk

Original poster
derxa · 22/07/2015 17:26

I remember a friend of mine whose DH was a headmaster at one time. He had a high % of travellers at his school. He visited a family and striking image was that the baby of the family was drinking cold tea out of a bottle. The family were happy and healthy.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/07/2015 17:27

What ssd said.

If I want to pay attention to the ramblings of another parent, I'll stand at the school gate or log in to mumsnet.

At least that's a two way conversation, rather than someone blogging crap that you can't question them about.

ssd · 22/07/2015 17:31

yep, theres worse things than cold tea in a bottle, not that I gave my two tea, although they love a cuppa now!

see, I'd rather have advice from someone like you derxa, someone who'd done the bringing up kids and lived to tell the tale, rather than someone who's hardly started and wants to write a blog about what they now know....which lets face it is fuck all really.

Calloh · 22/07/2015 17:32

YANBU.
Everything she writes is valid. But people enjoy judging - as shown by the initial responses on this thread.

It's ok for a woman with young children to write about their experiences, it doesn't mean they're professing themselves to be experts at rearing older children or even younger children.

ssd · 22/07/2015 17:34

sure its ok, just dont expect us to want to read it

and calloh, everyone here judges, including you and me.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2015 17:35

No-one's saying it's not ok for a woman with young children to write about her experiences.

Just that not everyone's interested in reading it, for some of the reasons stated above.

Also, I don't know if it's the blogger or the OP who's under the impression that we all feel guilty, but for me anyway it couldn't be further from the truth.

Calloh · 22/07/2015 17:36

ssd, I completely agree. I'm getting more and more judgemental. I'm not saying her blog is not unrealistic and idealistic, I'm just saying that people are judgemental and latch onto differences.

DeanParrish · 22/07/2015 17:37

Well I brought up two sons, 28 and 30, have a DGS and I know nothing about rearing children. They survived despite me.

needsomefeckingprivacy · 22/07/2015 17:39

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster
derxa · 22/07/2015 17:42

The mummy blogger might be a complete arse but I think pressures on mothers are greater now than they have ever been. I did all the bf, co-sleeping thing and maybe some of my decisions were questionable.

OP posts:
corgiology · 22/07/2015 19:04

I don't really understand the 'we are not rivals' thing.

You could say that about humans, planets, people with brown hair or anything. It is not mummy specific.

Scoobydoo8 · 22/07/2015 19:09

I started reading the blog of the day 'I never realized motherhood would be so lonely' and the blogger has a couple of kids in a pushchair and has only spoken to her DH as he left for work - yawn, yawn,

my DCs were small when there was no MN, no internet, no daytime tv.

You lot have it soooooo good compared to then. The highlight of my day was listening to the Archers!

Scoobydoo8 · 22/07/2015 19:11

Though must concede that if you are a Facebook fan then there will be stuff to compare yourself to. But it is possible not to bother with it, FB that is.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 22/07/2015 19:20

Derxa, my sister is a gp in a travellers high population area in Ireland. She said the odd bit of tea is no harm but has seen horrific malnourishment in some travellers children from this practice. I think it might have been rickets too? Is it vit c absorption that is affected? And other problems caused by giving tea instead of formula. To the point that social services had to be called on a number of occasions.

I'm all for relaxed parenting. And fine with differing opinions on how to parent. I can honestly say I've not felt guilty about how I parent. Kids are safe and loved even if their parents are not perfect all the time.

dodobookends · 22/07/2015 19:39

Why does she assume that all mums who bottle-feed their babies will feel guilty and pressurised. I didn't.

SurlyCue · 22/07/2015 19:46

Not clicking any blogs or links but

"He visited a family and striking image was that the baby of the family was drinking cold tea out of a bottle. The family were happy and healthy "

How did he know? Confused fwiw i have no problem with tea in a bottle, havent done it but i cant get my knickers in a twist over it, however how on earth could your DH know from a visit, as a headmaster, that the family were all happy and healthy? What an odd conclusion to arrive at based on that observation.

Cotto · 22/07/2015 19:55

I must have missed the instruction that ALL mothers "agonise" over everything.
I don't ,if I think something isnt working I would change it Confused

Complete Daily Fail shite as usual.

I BF, it was great.
I went to bed and just BF my baby, no agony, exhaustion or "agonising" .
yabu OP stop peddling this sort of crap that ALL mothers should feel guilty.

WhyStannisWhy · 22/07/2015 20:03

Little tip OP, never share a blog link on here. Posters hate them to the point of obsession, it's bloody strange.

Strokethefurrywall · 22/07/2015 20:21

The internet and social media have a lot to do with women feeling guilty, only because people express their opinions far more vocally leading to those who are more vulnerable feeling judged (even if they aren't being judged).

I don't do guilt, either as a mum (hate "mummy guilt, bleurgh!) or in any other decisions. I am confident in myself that the way i raise my kids is the best way I know how. I don't need anyone else to validate me. I also don't need to read yet another blog from yet another "mummy" imploring us all to not feel guilty. Where the fuck does all this angst come from? apparently from the Internet "telling" us we should be feeling guilty and that we're being judged.

Cotto · 22/07/2015 20:44

Stroke I think you have a point there- it does seem an artificial internet construct to sell us more stuff probably

I just don't meet women in RL who are wringing their hands with guilt - they try some thing,its not right or doesn't work out they try something else

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