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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daily posts of baby on FB

283 replies

shebird · 22/07/2015 16:46

A family member had a baby 6 months ago. Since the day baby was born she posts at least 3 photos and sometimes videos of baby together with updates on baby's weight, sleep and how much she's has expressed Hmm I thought this might have dwindled out as baby got older but it's not looking likely.

I'm aware that I can hide her posts and I am not having a moan about how annoying I find FB. My concern is for the child's privacy. We are not talking the odd cute photo here, pretty much all of this child's life to date has been documented on FB. Do children not have a right to have everything shared online or AIBU?

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 23/07/2015 08:24

Thats not really the point, just because there are 'billions of pictures of kids everywhere' I personally wouldn't want my children's photos on the internet.

The internet is not a private place, no matter what your 'settings' are.

And to the people who say babies have no concept of privacy...babies do grow up.

UrethraFranklin1 · 23/07/2015 08:31

Except it is the point. To be worried about privacy is to worry about who is accessing your pictures/information. Establishing whether anyone is remotely interested is obviously relevant to that question.

When babies grow up, then they can decide for themselves about privacy. Until then, like everything else to do with children, its the parents choice.

LaurieMarlow · 23/07/2015 09:06

OP, I think you need to question exactly what bothers you and why.

On what grounds are you concerned about the baby's privacy? Her current safety, her future internet security, her future job prospects, her social embarrassment, something else?

And your issue seems to be volume of material shared rather than fact that she posts on Facebook. I don't really understand why that makes a difference tbh. Does it matter if there are 40 pictures on FB of a child eating banana rather than 1? I don't see how more pics makes a big difference to the potential concerns above.

shebird · 23/07/2015 09:34

All of the above, the more that's out there the less control you have

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 23/07/2015 09:48

YABU

It's a baby, hardly sensitive private information she is sharing.

My fb is locked down and I check my settings regularly. No one interviewing me would be able to see a thing.

Sallystyle · 23/07/2015 09:50

Well, when the baby is old enough to work I am pretty sure that the person hiring him/her will be put off because she/he had a lot of photos posted as a baby.

So not sure why you are concerned about future job prospects? I certainly wouldn't suffer social embarrassment because my mum posted photos of me as a baby.. would you?

EllieFAntspoo · 23/07/2015 09:50

Sure, but again, what makes you think anyone wants a picture of your kid, to go to the bother of finding it, when there are billions of pictures of kids everywhere, online and off?

That's right. You have the absolute right to predetermine in your own mind that your child is unlikely ever to reach a position in life that they will want privacy, and you have the absolute right to determine that if they did have such prospects that you will do your utmost to embarrass them and prevent them from doing so.

benefits and supermarkets hmm righto dear. We also look at applicants Facebook/twitter but it doesn't ever rule out an interview as there's more to a person than a picture on Facebook, especially when you're referring to a young adult/teen, social media is a part of modern life now.

That proves my point. You screen social media and determine that your applicant can integrate into the social dynamic of working in a supermarket. Its not like they have to present a respectable face to the public at large to sell them baked beans. Its a whole world of difference to someone going into management in a corporation, or joining a law firm.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 23/07/2015 09:53

I have a friend who is an actor and he posts weekly updates of his child dressed as various West End Musical characters....he's so determined she will be a star that he's convinced himself that his 3 year old is behind it all herself.

So this week we had her dressed as a witch with a comment like "Oh-oh...X has been to see Wicked today and now she's obsessed with defying gravity!!!"

When really it's him...dressing her up and posing her. Grin

EllieFAntspoo · 23/07/2015 09:58

Hypothetical here...

Let us say you are 36yo and since birth, your mother has published a biography. In it she has told the truth, given your name, date of birth, place of birth, her maiden name, your favourite toys, your first pets, your first holidays, which schools you went to, what you liked to eat, what you liked to listen to, etc.

Knowing all that information is available to anyone who bought the book, would you ever consider using any of those data points as security for online banking, online shopping, or telephone conversations with say British Gas or the tax office?

I suppose, if someone is dumb enough to make all their security details available to anyone who wants them, they deserve everything they get.

But that's the point. they are imposing their own 'I couldn't give a F' on their child.

Noodledoodledoo · 23/07/2015 10:12

Well EllieFAntspoo apart from the first 4 of your list I use none of those as security details and to be fair the first 4 are very easily come by without the aid of Facebook so I avoid using them as much as possible unless I am forced to.

Too many companies use them as security details so I use more random things which would never be public knowledge!

UrethraFranklin1 · 23/07/2015 10:40

they are imposing their own 'I couldn't give a F' on their child.

We impose everything on our children. Thats what parenting is.

And seriously, you use your favourite baby toys as security for your gas account? Most of us have pins and passwords, but ok.

Purplefrogeatsalily · 23/07/2015 10:44

How lovely. This mother clearly loves and cares well for this child- if only all children were loved and cared for. Hide if you don't like, or unfriend. Different if the pictures included genitals, or something. YABU.

EllieFAntspoo · 23/07/2015 11:13

Noodle

I use made up DoB, place of birth, mother's maiden name, etc. in all institutions other than Government institutions. Even with the bank, I gave a false DoB on the application, and they photocopied my passport so they have the real DoB and they don't check them. They give the form to the data processor and that DoB becomes the one on the account.

But most people don't give a F about their security, and then they whinge about it when someone accesses their bank account, buys something on their PayPal account, or they discover someone has taken over their whole identity.

Security is not exactly rocket science.

Most of us have pins and passwords, but ok.

You would be surprised how much someone can do to you, if they know your mother's maiden name, place of birth, address and DoB. Add to that your children's names, their DoBs, and for a lot of people that covers many of the telephone security checks needed. And some people are dumb enough to post them all online.

This mother clearly loves and cares well for this child- if only all children were loved and cared for.

Yes, but it hasn't got anything to do with her child, has it? This is more about her, isn't it? The child is her newest glamorous accessory, like a little yappy dog, or her newest designer handbag.

ollieplimsoles · 23/07/2015 11:38

Other have put it so much better than me, but just because people don't care about your baby's pictures now, doesn't mean they wont in the future, and just because you delete something from your facebook, it doesn't mean its off the internet for good...

What if they enter a profession in which anonymity is important? What if they become ceo of a major company, launch the next big consumer product, or become an actor in the public eye? Don't you think you plastering their whole lives on YOUR personal facebook page just makes them look like your little accessory? I think it does.

cjt110 · 23/07/2015 11:45

I share regular photos of my Son for our family members scattered near and wide. My profile is thoroughly locked down so all you can see is my profile and cover photo (neither of which have a photo of him on).

Even so, I do not post anything where he is undressed in any sort of form.

She's just enjoying her LO. Let her be.

EllieFAntspoo · 23/07/2015 12:37

We're not talking about someone posting 'news' here. She's got a new handbag and she wants everyone to admire it. This is me, me, me behaviour. The only part her LO plays in her media circus is as her prop.

MummaGiles · 23/07/2015 12:48

She's probably bored and lonely. Speaking as someone with a six month old at home, I can relate. Maybe she's trying to engage someone out there into a bit of a conversation via FB. And she probably has nothing else going on at the moment. If I look back at my FB feed for the last 6 months it will mostly (but not entirely) be baby related because I don't have much else to talk about being on maternity leave.

Purplefrogeatsalily · 23/07/2015 14:49

Ellie

Yes, but it hasn't got anything to do with her child, has it? This is more about her, isn't it? The child is her newest glamorous accessory, like a little yappy dog, or her newest designer handbag.

What I had meant was that the mother, likely from the sort of updates she is posting, loves and cares for the child. Of course, there are other parents who love and care otherwise, without such updates. I think YABU to criticise this- there are thousands of children who don't receive this, who should be our concern.

YABU. And you're a family member she's shared with. If you don't like it, hide or unfriend. I don't think the child is being disadvantaged by these posts at all.

takeinyourhen · 23/07/2015 15:15

I LOVE my friends putting baby updates on Facebook! It is such a wonderful time when everything is so new and so special!

If you're not close enough to your friend to appreciate and enjoy her sharing her baby's updates with you - or if you're not close enough to your friend to be able to respect her decision to share now and deal with any consequences later - then please either delete or unfollow her, as I'm sure PP have already said.

imwithspud · 23/07/2015 15:29

I used to be a bit like the person the OP describes, not so much the details about eating and pooping habits but I would upload a photo a day pretty much, it's just excited new mum-ness. I look back now and I probably bored so many people with it but I was an excited/proud new mum who thought everyone would be interested in my kid updates. Now I understand that not everyone wants to see constant streams of photo's and that to everyone else, my kids are no more interesting than anyone else's. I probably upload a picture or two a week now depending on what we're up to, this to me doesn't seem like overkill. I have a lot of family on Facebook who use Facebook as one of their main methods of communication and love seeing updates of my DC's, I do it for them more than anyone else.

Sounds like you're using the 'privacy concerns' as a smokescreen for the fact that you find her updates boring and tedious. I can see how updating so much can be annoying but that's what the unfollow/unfriend button is there for.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 23/07/2015 15:40

Spud even that's too much. Grin It's up to you of course...but for many people it's really not needed...but if you like doing it that's all that matters. My friend does the same...one or two a week....too many.

proudmummy2004 · 23/07/2015 15:54

I agree with a bit of what everyone says!

If she has strictest privacy settings on FB then she obviously feels comfortable enough to share everything about her baby on FB. I don't think that she doesn't care about privacy, she is just taken up with being a new mum. Perhaps she feels safe on FB and until such time she has concerns, she will continue to post pics and info.

Yes I can see how it can be annoying but that is what unfollow is for!!!

I suppose it isn't nice for every little thing to be documented but at 6 months, I doubt the baby will be embarrassed about his/her bowel movements being documented. If left on there when the child is older, they may kick off in which case she would probably remove. On the other hand, the child might just roll eyes and/or chuckle.

FB profile pics can be made private if you need to but it is easier to do on desktop site rather than through app. Cover photos are public, until you change them then the new one becomes public with the others having option to change to private. Again can only be done easier on desktop site rather than through app. I don't agree with the cover photo being public but that is something to take up with FB.

Of course like most I am concerned about how photos are used but at same time, we should not feel we can't post the odd pic here and there. I'm guilty of being a social media addict I must say. However I am always careful what and how I post, although others may disagree.

I don't think any of us really now what goes on "behind the scenes" of the internet really. We can either choose to use it or not use it I guess. Does not mean those of using it don't care or don't worry because we do. Just means perhaps until such time comes, we feel okay to post stuff.

It really is different strokes for different folks on this issue I think and there is no right or wrong.

Kayden · 23/07/2015 16:03

Some people get their knickers in a twist about baby photos on FB, citing boring. It's no more or less boring than seeing someone check in to the cinema, airport and restaurant etc. In fact, I'd rather see a cute small child's smiling face than "Jane Smith is at Heathrow".

proudmummy2004 · 23/07/2015 16:06

Your post made me chuckle Kayden - I can sometimes be one of those people I'm sorry blush face x

Neonbib · 23/07/2015 16:14

paranoid post sorry Blush
I guess we have to look at how we would feel if our parents posted everything about us online. I would have hated that as a teenager! Cringe!
Just think about how those pictures could be used when the child is older- in school for example. Imagine if bullies got hold of your embarrassing child pics and decided to create memes etc...(this happens!!)
There are trolls out there who use random pictures of people posted on the internet. Your account may be private and limited to just friends, but do we really know what other people do with the pictures you post online?
I have been on training days with a child protection team and they would advise against posting pictures of children online of any age- I'm sure you can work out why.
As for the OP, I'm with you on how annoying these updates can be, but I tend to unfollow.