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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Where do the SN children go?

56 replies

Levismum · 22/07/2015 11:20

I'm starting a new job in September. I am a LP to 4 dc. 2 of the dc are Autistic. Both attend a special school.

One child receives respite from SS. 6 hours per week. The younger child is still waiting to be assessed in terms of respite.

So I'm organising childcare as I will need childcare in the holidays. We've been through many Nanny's & Aupairs. Literally thrown money at the situation but they all leave as the children are too difficult to manage.

Boys are too old for a CM so all that appears to be left are playschemes. There is a Special Needs one fairly local but it's £425 per boy for 25 hours. I can only book one week.per boys, even if I could afford £950 per week for 6 weeks. Add a toddler onto that as well.

When I asked how other parents manage. I was told nearly all children are funded by Personal Budgets. That the playscheme is respite not childcare.

I was told it's really not an issue as most LP with disabled dc don't work.

Really?
AIBU by wanting to work?
What do other LP of disabled dc do?

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArse · 22/07/2015 11:22

We're not LP but with 3 disabled kids we don't work. We just can't.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/07/2015 11:23

Oh and when I say can't it's got nothing to do with what we want. We're both desperate to work but it's completely impossible.

YouTheCat · 22/07/2015 11:25

This is why I have a part time, term time job. Anything else just wouldn't have been workable especially as ds was regularly sent home early from high needs play schemes as even they couldn't handle him.

Samcro · 22/07/2015 11:26

i can't work , even now my dc is an adult and away term time, I can't get enough cover for the very long holidays.

VacantExpression · 22/07/2015 11:28

I have a job that I do part time from home. I have no idea how I would work outside the house.

MNHQ
RowanMumsnet · 22/07/2015 11:29

Sorry to butt in but thought some of you might be interested in the info on this thread - there's a survey to fill out as well.

Congratulations on the job OP, and really hope you can find some appropriate childcare.

InTheBox · 22/07/2015 11:29

It also hugely depends on your area, location in the UK. I was quite astounded by the support some boroughs in London can apply for which are services otherwise unheard of in other parts of the UK.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 22/07/2015 11:31

God how awful OP :( there should be something! Close to where I live there is an after school club catering for children of 5-11 years...they have one child with quite severe Autism and he is collected from school by one of the staff and walked to the club...have you looked into local options like this?

Prelude · 22/07/2015 11:32

DS has access to a holiday club for disabled children at £30per day but it is so over-subscribed he has only been allocated five sessions in total for this seven week period.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 22/07/2015 11:32

Also have you asked this on the Special Needs section on MN?

defineme · 22/07/2015 11:33

Could you ask other parents from the special school about what they do? Would special school staff be willing to do childcare...i know my nursery staff did babysitting and the playworkers at asd charity youth club also do similar. Is there a parents support group you could ask at for advice? I have used a combination of grandparents, short breaks funded asd charity playscheme and reciprocal arrangements with friends in similar situations. I think you are in a very difficult situation with having 4 and sn in the mix, could you askfor flexi time, compressed hours or unpaid leave?

AnnikaHansen · 22/07/2015 11:33

I have two disabled DSes and couldn't possibly imagine how I could work, even though I'm not a LP, for all the reasons you describe.

Had a gut full of people who have "experience" with DSs' condition but who can't handle them at all.

Mrsjayy · 22/07/2015 11:34

I think you need to advertise for a carer for your dc and not a nanny then put your others a cm it sounds hard

Original poster
Levismum · 22/07/2015 11:38

Unfortunately i am in one of the poorest boroughs in London but the LEA pay the boys school fees. If i move they both couldend up oout of school yet again.

The younger one started full time school last month so this is my first opportunity to get back to work.

The boys both will be brought home on a bus. The transport will only bring them home so after school activities are impossible. There is nothing after school or in the holidays at their school as it independent.

The job is predominantly term time but it's a mainstream school. The boys get longer holidays then a mainstream school. only 3/4 weeks a year so I thought I could organise that but maybe not...

OP posts:
TheHouseOnBellSt · 22/07/2015 11:40

Our local independent school runs an after school club....it's managed by a different company...is there anything similar at other schools OP? Often they're attached to private nurseries

Original poster
Levismum · 22/07/2015 11:43

Sorry for typos.

I've no family or friends locally to help. I pay for all help.

I'm thinking Carer for the boys & CM for the youngest. older dc is 14.

Will be expensive!

I am thinking of how realistic is working.

God knows I'm going out of mind with boredom but at least I'd get a break when they areIin school.

OP posts:
LegoLady95 · 22/07/2015 11:50

We have 3dc (8, 6 and 2) Eldest has severe ASD and attends special school. I work PT (0.5FTE over 3 days) all year and DH works FT but shift work, so although I am often alone with 3 children all weekend it means DH often has some time off during week. 8 and 6 year old attend a mainstream playcheme which we pay for, but the scheme is funded directly by the council for an extra member of staff one or two days a week when DS1 attends through the Bridging worker scheme at our council's Disabled Child service. This works really well. we manage the rest between my annual leave and DH's shifts.
We recieve DLA but no respite/personal budget/ss payment.

Mrsjayy · 22/07/2015 11:55

Yeah it sounds like it would be expensive do you get a carers allowance for them i cant remember the new name for it, i think asking for your thread to be put in special needs would help you more as i said before it sounds hard Sad

Katrina43 · 22/07/2015 11:58

Have a look at snapchildcare they specialise in SN childcare it is nannies as oppossed to playschemes.

x2boys · 22/07/2015 12:03

its very difficult to work ds2 is five with severe autism and learning difficulties[moderate] i was a mental health nurse but when i applied for family friendly hours i was turned down flat because we all have children you know! so i quit dh still works just not me at present.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 22/07/2015 12:07

What sort of work do you want to do? Can you do something at home? Or maybe Avon or something like that that you can fit around the care?

Sirzy · 22/07/2015 12:13

Can the school reccomend anyone/thing that could help?

I work as an agency Ta, pain in many ways but all that fits with DS

PandasRock · 22/07/2015 12:14

I have 3 dc. 1 with severe ASD, at a SN school. One with AS, in mainstream. And a toddler (likely to end up with a dx of some sort).

I don't work. I can't. I couldn't work it around the school timings - dd1 could get transport, but no before/after school club at her scho so I would have to be at home until 9am and back by 3.45 (given transport drop off 'windows'). And there's nothing I can with for her in the holidays.

We employ somebody 3 days a week - a nanny if you will, but with lots of experience with SN. dd1 is 11, so we've been in this position for many years and this is the best solution. But even so, I can't get a job, as the needs are too diverse in the holidays for one person to do it all the time (believe me, I know!) and for the dc's needs to all be met.

I go out of my head with the boredom of it all during term time (and out of my head with the full-on manic-ness during holidays Wink). I wish I could do something, but once all the school runs/routine appts are done, there is little time left over. And no family to help, or respite etc.

mumblechum1 · 22/07/2015 12:18

My DS had severe cerebral palsy and I always worked around 3.5 days per week as a lawyer.

I do feel your pain! The holidays were a nightmare, so many people with disabled children don't work at all purely because it's so hard to find carers in the holidays.

I managed through a combination of my and DH's annual leave, granny and paying a TA from his school to come to the house to care for him and a respite service run by volunteers. The TA was fantastic, really caring and professional. The volunteers were a bit hit and miss.

I echo what pp have said about approaching staff at the current school/nursery to ask if they'd be prepared to work for you through some of the holidays.

Good luck!

bloodyteenagers · 22/07/2015 12:24

For me it's term time working with an understanding boss. When I was offered the job I mentioned straight away home life and what it entailed. He still took me on. Still had a job even though in the first week I had to take 2 days off.
Also helps that the professionals involved realize for my own mental wellbeing I need time away and all calls and meetings are done truly at my convenience.
Childcare, couple of the ta's and escorts do private work. I asked school if I could put a notice to their staff after explaining my predicament.
The school I work in also does the same. Many of the ta's do after school, weekend and holiday care. Ta's know the kids so they know what they are getting involved in. Kids know the ta's.