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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thinking DM should not pay for her niece to go on Holiday with her

89 replies

samsswampy · 21/07/2015 17:39

DM and DF want to go on holiday next year and usually go with me and DCs next year I can't go because I am going with DH instead, so DM has asked her niece and husband if they want to go. I thought they would pay half each but DM has told me she is paying for her niece because the holiday was her idea! Shouldn't niece pay for herself?

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 21/07/2015 17:42

It's between your mum and niece. In a nice way, butt out!

Hulababy · 21/07/2015 17:44

It's between themselves. If your mum wants to pay then that's up to her. Niece may well have offered and had it declined.

turningvioletviolet · 21/07/2015 17:44

I'm not even going to be nice about it - it's none of your business.

Anon4Now2015 · 21/07/2015 17:44

Oh this has the beginnings of "Major Family Argument" written all over it!

It's absolutely none of your business. If your DM wants to treat her niece then that's her choice and nothing at all to do with you.

Original poster
samsswampy · 21/07/2015 17:45

I feel DM is being taken advantage of, niece is 63 years old and quite well off!

OP posts:
Patchworkpatty · 21/07/2015 17:46

Unless she's asking you to pay for the niece I would keep quiet. There maybe a reason you don't know about - perhaps Niece and partner can't afford a holiday and your dm wants to treat them. xx

FenellaFellorick · 21/07/2015 17:47

Isn't that up to your mum?
It's not like you can say mum, people on the internet have decided you should not pay and so I forbid it.
It is what it is. She's paying. That's kind of her. It's her money. Unless you think she is being coerced then really what she should do is what she wants to do.

Wombat22 · 21/07/2015 17:47

Why are you so bothered? I think it's your DM's decision.

Wombat22 · 21/07/2015 17:48

x post

LaLyra · 21/07/2015 17:48

It's really not your business and if your DM invited niece and offered to pay then how can she be taken advantage of?

fredfredgeorgejnr · 21/07/2015 17:48

If you'd like company on a holiday, paying for the others is quite normal and reasonable. YABU

Tequilashotfor1 · 21/07/2015 17:48

Bit of the green eyed monster ?

It's nothing to do with you. My DGM took and paid for me and my cousin to go all over the world with her. We all had a blast !

Floralnomad · 21/07/2015 17:49

Mind your own business .

swallowed · 21/07/2015 17:49

Do you usually pay for yourself, or split it when you go with your parents?

LIZS · 21/07/2015 17:50

Doesn't really matter, the arrangement is between themselves. Do you normally pay your way? Would you have gone had it been offered as a freebie?

Original poster
samsswampy · 21/07/2015 17:50

Im bothered because DM and DF live with me and are always saying they dont know how they can pay their share of the bills or their holidays!

OP posts:
londonrach · 21/07/2015 17:51

Up to dm not you.

Birdsgottafly · 21/07/2015 17:52

Do you run your finances past your Mum and would you accept her telling you what you should and shouldn't be spending money on?

I frequently have to ask my adult DDs this, when they forget I've been here longer than they have and helped them into adulthood.

Wantsunshine · 21/07/2015 17:52

Guessing your mum didn't pay for you last year. Maybe she likes her nieces company and wants to ensure she goes

Birdsgottafly · 21/07/2015 17:54

""Im bothered because DM and DF live with me and are always saying they dont know how they can pay their share of the bills or their holidays!""

Older people like to find something to complain about.

FenellaFellorick · 21/07/2015 17:56

Well then it's reasonable to say youre concerned and are they ok.
But you can't tell them how to spend their money and if they choose to do this, you have to respect it.
What can you do? Forbid them? Phone your cousin and demand she pays? Take away their bank card?
Unless they are vulnerable adults and it's a matter of financial abuse, what is it that you think you have the power to do?
That's not having a go, it's just the reality of it - people have the right to decide what to do with their own money and you don't get a say in it.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 21/07/2015 17:57

Her business. Not yours.

Why did you say no to a holiday "because you are going away with DH"? If you wanted to go, couldnt you and DH go?

Spartans · 21/07/2015 18:08

Huge drip feed there OP.

Do they actually pay their share of the bills? If so Yabu. As long as they are paying what they agreed they would then what they do with the rest is none of you business

LIZS · 21/07/2015 18:11

Agree birds, just because they moan doesn't mean they can't/won't pay. Or don't they? In which case the holiday itself us questionable, not who they invite along.

whois · 21/07/2015 18:13

My parents pay for me to go on holiday with them.

There is no way i'd pay to go away with my parents. I mean, I like them, and it's nice enough, but it's not as fun as going away with DP or friends or on adventures on my own. I'm ok to use the annual leave to go away with them, but I don't think I'd part with £ for the pleasure...!