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AIBU?

Thinking DM should not pay for her niece to go on Holiday with her

89 replies

samsswampy · 21/07/2015 17:39

DM and DF want to go on holiday next year and usually go with me and DCs next year I can't go because I am going with DH instead, so DM has asked her niece and husband if they want to go. I thought they would pay half each but DM has told me she is paying for her niece because the holiday was her idea! Shouldn't niece pay for herself?

OP posts:

Report

ilovechristmas1 · 21/07/2015 18:17

it would only bother me if i was subsidising their share of the house-hold expenses and they were not paying their way

other than that no i would not see it as my buisness

samsswampy · 21/07/2015 18:21

When we moved in together which was DMs idea she said we would pay half each for all bills, even though I had 4 DC after a couple of years she said she should only pay 1/4 as there's only 2 of them! She's always paid for holidays just her, me and 3 DC because she's always had savings and we haven't, D H is out of work a lot! Next year I wanted to go eurodisney for DDs birthday but DM said she wouldn't like that, her holidays are sitting on the beach all day and DC are fed up with that

OP posts:

Notso · 21/07/2015 18:21

Out of sheer nosiness I have two questions.
Why can't your DH go on holiday with you and DC and your parents?

How old are your parents if their niece is 63?

samsswampy · 21/07/2015 18:23

DM and DH don't get on, DM is 80 and DF is 86 though fit for their age!

OP posts:

LIZS · 21/07/2015 18:25

So there's 6 of you and 2 of them but you still expect to go halves on bills . it is your choice not to go on the holiday and she has chosen to ask her niece for company instead. You can't have it all ways!

usualsuspect333 · 21/07/2015 18:25

So she usually pays for your holidays?

samsswampy · 21/07/2015 18:30

We go on holiday to please her because she chooses where we go and what we do! She won't go with DF on her own in case something happens to him! She wanted us all to live together so made lots of promises like the bills, my children don't use a lot of electricity or gas, youngest is only 8

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 21/07/2015 18:33

So you've got the hump because your Mum doesn't want to go and therefore pay for a trip to EuroDisney. You don't want to go on her choice of holiday, which she pays for because your kids are fed up of the beach. Really - take a look at yourself.

londonrach · 21/07/2015 18:33

My mil pays alot towards our holidays (we just pay for our food and some room, they pay for the cost of travelling) when we go with them. However dh and i are pretty much on call as they need alot of help. Mil cant walk well and cant drive. We come back very tried but pleased as my pil get a holiday. Maybe same thing for dn.

Nanny0gg · 21/07/2015 18:35

6 of you still use more of the utilities than 2 of them!

It must be lovely if your DH and your DM don't get on, living in the same house!

TwinkieTwinkle · 21/07/2015 18:37

Butt out.

LaLyra · 21/07/2015 18:37

Your DM hasn't changed her holidays at all then. She's going on the holiday she wants and she is, as she has always done, paying for someone to go with her to give her peace of mind that she won't be alone if anything happens to your DF. No taking advantage of there imo.

FenellaFellorick · 21/07/2015 18:38

Holy crap.
Erm. I think you have to take a step back here.
You don't object to them splashing the cash when you're benefiting. You can hardly object when they treat someone else.
It's not like their money belongs to you. Doesn't sound like you're doing too badly out of them...

Mummyofonesofar · 21/07/2015 18:39

If you think her niece should be paying for her own holidays then maybe yo should too!! Quite right she isn't paying half the bills! You had 4 kids and chose to move in with her. She didn't force you.

TwinkieTwinkle · 21/07/2015 18:41

Wow, I've fully read and I have more to add. You sound like a spoiled wee brat. Pay your share of the bills and don't make your elderly parents pay extra for your kids and stop expecting them to go on holidays that suit you. Go on your own and if you can't afford that then don't go. What a bloody cheek.

NerrSnerr · 21/07/2015 18:44

If you want to go to Eurodisney then you can pay for you, your husband and children to go together and she can go on holiday with her niece. Surely then everyone's happy.

hedgehogsdontbite · 21/07/2015 19:07

YABU

I suspect your pissed off because you see you chances of getting them to pay for you to go to Eurodisney slipping away.

Wombat22 · 21/07/2015 19:10

Blimey. It gets worse with each update. At least DM only has to pay for niece this year, rather than you and 4 DC.
You sound very grabby imo

SugarOnTop · 21/07/2015 19:38

sounds like you only allowed your parents to move in so they could finance your lifestyle!

"We go on holiday to please her because she chooses where we go and what we do!" No you don't - you CHOOSE to go on a FREE holiday and have come to expect it. if you didn't like it you wouldn't go. you're only going on a different holiday this year because your parents refuse to pay for the one you want to go on.

"my children don't use a lot of electricity or gas, youngest is only 8" i'm assuming you don't leave your children alone in the house? therefore, they're 'using' the same amount of electricity as the adults who are supervising them. there are 4 of you and 2 of them - YOU 4 will always use more of the utilities than your parents so therefore you should be paying more - why is it your parents responsibility to provide for the children YOU chose to bring into this world? no wonder they complain about the bills!

i guess the 'inheritance' is worth forcing your spouse to live with adults he doesn't get on with.......

Mummyofonesofar · 21/07/2015 19:52

Sugar there are 6 of them!!! 4dcs and them 2.

Bet OP is regretting posting the thread now!

msgrinch · 21/07/2015 19:53

I think you need to grow up. It's your parents choice. I'm shocked at the fact the two of them are paying half the bills!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/07/2015 19:56

If I invited someone somewhere I would view it as being my treat.

And you sound grabby

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samsswampy · 21/07/2015 22:29

Thank-you for all your comments, so I am grabby, nasty and an horrible jealous person I am an only child told by my mum I didn't need friends because I had her, until i got married we did everything together so i have no friends! I've always tried to please her and only agreed to all living together because all my life she made me promise to not put her in a home and this was the only way I could prove I wouldn't! She's always had a lot of savings I've never had any but if you all agree with her paying for her niece who has plenty of money of her own then I will think you must all be right! I just feel completely bullied by the way some of you have spoken to me and dont think I will ask anything again

OP posts:

DoJo · 21/07/2015 22:35

OP - if you have issues with your mother and the way she brought you up and guilt-tripped you into moving in together, then that is one thing. Perhaps the holidays is the final straw and you are really angry about the other issues that you perceive in your relationship. But you need to address those issues, not focus on the trivialities like this holiday as that comes across as entitlement.

If you want a different kind of holiday from your mother and she wants to pay for her niece to go away with her so that she can choose the holiday and not compromise then that seems reasonable. If you are unhappy with your living arrangements and feel that a holiday is a way of redressing the balance then that's another matter and one that won't change regardless of who goes on holiday with whom.

Glitoris · 21/07/2015 22:36

Stop acting like a spoilt little girl.You are a grown woman,stop laying the blame for everything at your mothers door.

And get your husband to find regular work,so that you both can pay for your own luxuries ie holidays.

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