AIBU to put £20 in a card?

[Madredear]

Hello,
A cousin of mine has invited me and OH to their wedding in August, but we're really skint at the moment, and she specifically ASKED for cash on the invitation, so I can't buy a nice gift.

Is £20 unreasonable?

I getting married very soon and haven't asked for anything. I'd be very upset indeed if I found out that people weren't coming because they couldn't afford to give us anything. I've invited people because I love them and want to spend the day with them. People are travelling, buying new cloths and paying for accommodation.

My brother is giving us £1000 for a honeymoon.I am completely overwhelmed at that gesture, but I won't be any more pleased to have a drink and a dance about with him than with someone than with someone who brings us a nice card.

Our wedding is not small but is very modest. It wouldn't have occurred to me to book something we can't afford and then to hope to recoup the cost from my loved ones.

or give something based on time, thought and effort rather than money

Exactly. Asking for money is vulgar.

I have given money or voucher gifts as wedding presents- but never to those who ask specifically. Then they get something of my choosing,

Aghh I'm typing on a phone with a terribly cracked screen so please excuse typos

My Step Father is From Mayo in Ireland and it is VERY bad manners to give anything less than €150 (and that's as a general guest, not a close family member).

Although, I must admit, Irish weddings are usually planned a good fees years in advanced, but there are so bloody many of them!

Luckily for me, this wedding is in Peckham and the B&G are also from m Peckham. As for covering my plate, if I wanted to do that, I wouldn't be giving much. It's a help yourself buffet in a party hall for goodness sakes lol.

Can I just point out, as I think some of you may be struggling to comprehend, that I don't subscribe to covering your plate either - I was merely trying to explain to the Pp that I don't agree with her bat shit idea

...even though technically I've always done it

Cash is better than a gift you'll never use or an overpriced gift list. I'd rather give cash towards house/honeymoon.

I quite like giving money, nice and hassle free. Really hate the idea that your gift should be in proportion to the grandiosity of the wedding though

In your situation op £20 is fair. Enjoy the wedding

Irish here too, yes irish wedding etiquette is different.

Cash is better than a gift you'll never use or an overpriced gift list. I'd rather give cash towards house/honeymoon.

I agree, and I would always give money rather than a physical gift.
Unless asked for cash.
Then it's definitely a physical gift.

"Perhaps it is a regional thing. I'm irish.

I would never go out for a night with friends if I couldn't afford to pay for our food and wine. So why should a wedding be any different. "

I'm Irish and I think there's a huge difference between going for a night out with friends, and being invited to a wedding. There's no way I'd turn up at a restaurant with a tenner in my purse and expect the rest of the group to subsidise my meal.
But if someone decides to have a big wedding and invite friends and family, then they're basically hosting the event and guests shouldn't be made to feel they have to cover the cost of the meal. Yes, a present is nice and the norm. But having to calculate the cost on the basis of what the meal cost the B&G is not nice.

The original point of wedding presents was to help young couples setting up home together by providing them with all the basics. Now it seems to be to cover the cost of extravagant weddings and honeymoons for brides and grooms not prepared to stick within their means.

By the way, I'm not disagreeing with posters who have stated that the normal amount of a cash gift in Ireland seems to be significantly higher than in England. At least €50 for a single person attending, and at least €100 for a couple. Unfortunately, over here, if you gave a tenner or twenty euro in a card eyebrows would be raised.
Years ago it was different, couples were very happy to get towels and sheets and kitchen utensils. But that's all changed.

I always feel that when you give cash you are basically paying for their wedding.
I give a bottle of plonk regardless.

I think I'll just stick to a buffet when I get married. I love the idea of all the fancy malark, but in truth, I always feel most welcome and comfy with an open buffet to help yourself and a good boogie on the dance floor, even if it isn't 'posh'.

Another Irish person here and personally I would love to see the trend going towards giving €20 or so rather than 'having' to give €100+ minimum.

There have been a few threads popping up over the last year or so asking if it is unreasonable for parents to send out invites to dcs parties or outings enclosing a request for the cost of the activity or a donation towards expenses. The majority of mns were justifiably outraged and
Surely expecting a wedding guest to cover the cost of their presence with a 'gift' of money is the same thing ?

So do you want the link to this hotel so you can check the price of the menu maidofstars or not?

Again, grow up. I wasn't picking on you or "seizing on your posts", I was talking to you.

In fact, I might suggest that one direct response to your post (which contained a question) and a follow-up afterthought hardly constitutes "seizing upon" and that you might be a little hysterical here....

So do you want the link then?

Please.

I'll see if I'm able to google for you in my semi-hysterical state charleston

here Though I can't see a specific wedding menu.

Thanks.

I don't see that the cost of the catering matters. The couple want to invite guests to share their day, they are not selling tickets.