AIBU to put £20 in a card?

[Madredear]

Hello,
A cousin of mine has invited me and OH to their wedding in August, but we're really skint at the moment, and she specifically ASKED for cash on the invitation, so I can't buy a nice gift.

Is £20 unreasonable?

YANBU,I think it's really kind and generous of you to give them £20 being as your skint.

I think they'll really appreciate it,hope you both enjoy the wedding and that the skint situation is short lived for you.

When I say skint and I'm not actually really that skint, (yes, very cheeky of me to abuse the word), but right now I could do without £50+ coming out of my pocket for a card, not to mention the taxis, clothes and drinks

I think £20 is too much if you're financially struggling.
I hope that has not came at a cost of eating or any other house hold essentials

Sorry but £20 is very low! The etiquette is that your gift should cover the cost of your meal. That's unlikely to be the case for you and your DH at a wedding. You will look mean and tight. As for cash requests, it's pretty standard. People don't want toasters and towels these days.

I think £20 is fine and I don't think its either rude or uncommon to ask for cash or vouchers as a wedding gift. I come from an era when most people only set up home together after they were married, including me, so household items as gifts were very welcome but times have changed and most getting married now already have their homes kitted out.

Lovely. Did you not read any of the op's initial post.
She said she she is skint. Where may I ask is this extra money coming from that she should put in the card. Should she just go without food or electricity for a week.
Honestly I am none plussed at some of the narrow mindedness on this planet, and I have not lead a sheltered life.
Sorry to disappoint you but the money fairies and money trees do not exist.

People should give what they can afford and if the hosts turn their nose up then sod them. This is relevant to me at the moment as I am going to a good friends wedding in 2 weeks (day & night). I have already paid £100 for spa hen do and will also have to buy new outfit as I have nothing else to wear. They don't have a wedding list nor have they asked for cash but think I will put £50 max in a card.

"People don't want toasters and towels anymore. "Pity about them. As my dearly departed nan used to say. "They'll get what they're given and like it."

The etiquette is that your gift should cover the cost of your meal.

Maybe in some social circles. I got married in 1998 and paid £30 a head for the reception including some wine/fizz. Most people spent about £20 on a gift for us, and that was per couple. The MOST anyone spent other than our parents was £60 (we had a gift list which is how I know).

But I don't see a problem with cash or vouchers, much better than receiving 10 toasters. I would have been extremely happy with a(10) bottles of fizz too.

I think asking for cash is ok if the bride and groom have been asked what they want but I don't like asking for gifts or cash upfront.

I think £20 is quite low but if you are skint you are skint. Could you push it to £30 - it seems a much more ok amount.

If you only gave £20 and then pitched up in new swanky cloths and bought yourself endless cocktails then that wouldn't look very good.

The etiquette is that your gift should cover the cost of your meal

How do you know? As in, how do you know what your meal will have costed?

Can you not push it to £30.
Yeah she'll just go and grab another £10 off that tenner tree that she has in her garden

We aren't putting anything about gifts on our invites to avoid this. We aren't expecting anything.
Nearly everyone I know gives cash at weddings as do we. I may roll my eyes at tacky poems but if the couple have been living together a while they don't need anything.
i think giving them anything at all, especially when you are skint is very generous. YANBU.

20 is fine if that's what you can afford to give. I'd give it as a voucher though unless culture dictates it's pinned on money etc.

Other than that I wouldn't give cash.

I also think a 20 bottle of something would be quite acceptable and ignore the cash ask.

That's outdated nonsense, that you should be 'paying for your plate'. I recently got married and, despite not asking for money, was given mostly cash gifts. I'd say for the whole day guests the average gift was around £100 per couple, which was extraordinarily generous but would in no way have judged if someone had given us £20. I would, however, have been upset if anyone had not been able to come because they felt they could not afford a gift.

We aren't putting anything about gifts on our invites to avoid this. We aren't expecting anything

We didn't ask for anything, not even when guests enquired. We got mostly cash gifts. So will you.

Sorry but I agree with lovely. You should cover the cost of your plate at a minimum.

I have refused an invite in the past because we couldn't afford everything needed for an Irish wedding.

I'm sorry but don't go and s

You should cover the cost of your plate at a minimum

And again, how do you know what this cost is?

I agree with lovely. You should cover the cost of your plate at a minimum.

If you can't afford that make your excuses and don't go.

This may seem hard but it's the choice we have had to make once or twice before.

Take your taxi money and dress money, slip it in a card and go visit them before or after the wedding and wish them well.

I wish I'd had your rich friends haha I was pleased to get £25 a couple - means I can spend less in the future! Although tbf each plate and wine came to about £15pp so perhaps that was their thoughts...?

Is covering your food a regional thing?

I've only ever seen it on here I think it's awful.

So if I invite a guest to my wedding and they can't cover a gift or cash equivalent of the 50 pounds I've paid they shouldn't come? Awful.

When we got married, we already lived together, people asked if we had a gift list before the invites went out.
Just so I didn't have to answer the same question 300 times, we had a poem put on a little card basically saying, we don't want anything, rather have your presence than presents but if you really insisted, cash for a rainy day fund is appreciated.
On the thank you notes, everyone who gave cash/voucher was told thank you, very appreciated, going towards whatever etc.
I would be a little offended if it said in an invite 'cash only'
OP YANBU, the couple will hopefully be appreciative of any gift.

Covering your plate isnt a real thing although some people see it as good manners to do that.