Aggressive and violent child at school. What can I do if school are brushing it under the carpet?

[Ducied]

Hi,

I would really like some advice from anyone who has had a similar experience, or works in school/LEA/is a school governor or similar.

My son (reception age) attends a very highly regarded primary school. It is rated as one of the top UK primaries.

There is a violent and aggressive boy in his class, who has sought out my child for the entire school year and subjected him to being hit/pushed/shoved on a regular basis. Sometimes it happens almost every day, and sometimes it scales off then a very aggressive and serious incident will occur a week later.

Examples of serious incidents are head injuries, head stamped on, attempted strangulation, blows to the eye, hits in the face with hard objects.

I have spoken to the class teacher about 10 times over the year. Each time he insists my son is sometimes provoking (we had NO behavioural issues before at nursery - not a single incident). He then deflects from what I am saying by bringing up issues with my son, for example, my son's phonics work (or similar). These 'issues' with my son are only brought up after I have called a meeting to discuss my son's safety.

While I know this will sound unreasonable to some, my experience so far says the school are trying to give me the message that if I kick up a fuss about this, they will deflect by attacking my son.

My son's report came home 2 weeks ago. It says he is 'outstanding' in all 3 areas of the EYFS.

I am worried about next year when this boy will be bigger and stronger. I worry something serious might happen one day. The incidents happen at playtime, and the school are clearly not watching them closely enough.

When I bring up my concerns, they seem to nod their heads and not do anything to address the behaviour. If they are doing anything, it is not working.

What would you do next?

Totally, it does happen only too often that schools tend to victim blame rather than deal with bullies. That is partly because bullying can indeed be very difficult to deal with - it's the nature of bullies that they go for their victims when the teacher's back is turned, and in a large school playground that is easy enough to do. It can also be because they feel they are in a difficult situation with a very troubled child who may have SEN, or who may in fact have other problems at home. For the less effective teacher, it may well be easier sometimes to try to deflect a complaining parent.

It may indeed be the case that a school approaches the issue of discipline differently out of concern for a child's home life. Again, for a child with SN it is often the case that they will react by a total meltdown when they get home. For the abused child, it may be the case that complaints from the school will escalate that abuse.

It is also, to be honest, slightly laughable to say that if the child needed support he would have it. The funding available for SN support is a limited pot and, whilst it is correct that it is separate from other funding, nevertheless schools need to share it amongst a number of children. Some of the, shall we say, less scrupulous schools have been known to use it for children at national curriculum level borderlines to improve their league table standings. And, of course, whether that funding gets used relies on the class teacher recognising that there is a problem and taking it to the SENCO.

I'm quite shocked you've let this go on all year and not emailed the head

Yes and some teachers/schools do victim blame.

If the teacher raises issues about your son simply redirect the teacher back to the problem again and again and again. You could even tell the teacher that victim blaming will not resolve the situation for your son.

Keep pressing the teacher/head 'what are you going to do to stop the violent bulling'

I haven't read all of the posts on here but when my son was in reception he was routinely 'abused' by a little girl who we were actually friends with the family.
I went in a few times to talk to the teachers and they dismissed it like yours are doing and pretended it wasn't happening or my son had done something etc...

we took it to the Head who again denied it was happening.

We then luckily were in the position to move house and area so we jumped at it and the school issue was a big reason to go so quickly.
In his new school we had no issues and we are more than happy with how it is all going.
My husband is a governor in this new school and he has seen how things should be handled when there are issues in a school environment.

If i were you i would move him and as soon as you can.

Moom - OP hasn't approached the head

Exactly Spartans if they spot something they know will be difficult to deal with it is all too easy to brush it under the carpet to maintain the ousted rating.

I moved my daughter schools from a school that "has no bullying" to one that "has bullying incidents from time to time". School one has the better inspection report but school 2 actually deals with bullying so is a much safer place to be.

As others have said, you will never know or be told what is happening with the other child. Nor should you. That is confidential to that child.

Your focus in every meeting with the school should be on your child. This is impacting on his learning and his education. What are the school doing to address this? What are the school doing to safeguard your child?

Class Teacher, class teacher with head of year if different, head teacher, chair of governors.

It could be that the school are trying to avoid the expense of providing additional support to the child on question (if it is needed).

Just telling her my experience.....

I do have to agree slightly with total.

You say your son had no issues in nursery but children in nursery are watched all of the time the environment it's different. I don't think parents realise this, there is opportunity for them not to be seen playing at lunch time. Depending on the schools staff ratios for lunch time supervision, you can't watch the whole playground the whole time. And I've been working at lunch time in a school since last October and reallysurprised how aggressive the play of the young boys can get.

But any incident like head stomping or strangulation would be dealt with by the teacher. And the child would have to see the head to if that had actually happened at our school. And we are a big school so he makes time to deal with these things. So either the teacher isn't dealing with it well and you need to escalate it or its actually not that bad. If a child does things regulary they also get takenout of playtime and into lunch club with teachers for a while as well. This is used for all sorts of reasons not just behavior.

I would also say its raely just one child starting it even the nice ones have their off days and misbehave sometimes.

Your focus in every meeting with the school should be on your child. This is impacting on his learning and his education. What are the school doing to address this? What are the school doing to safeguard your child?

^^This.

Could just be this teacher. Found most teachers at my DC school sorted issues very quickly - but with in had to put it in writing so it wasn't being dismissed but it was then dealt with.

With another it was harder as my DC was retaliating and ended up being the one in trouble - even when teacher or other adults saw what was going on. I was blinded side by chats in front of other parents at end of day.

Our stagey of getting our DC to ask for help before the point they lost it didn't work and they staff just sent them away and then admitted to doing it.

In end teacher and TA started blaming our parenting - at that point I went higher up couldn't get head but deputy sorted it all - it was near of year and she put them into spate classes for next year and spoke to all the staff and it was pretty much sorted and also our DC and it was pretty much sorted - no problems other years either - children saw each other at breaks but that worked out ok.

I found the parents of the other child were better than staff and not dismissing their DC behaviour which kicked of my DC - they weren't the birth parents so wonder if the staff letting that influence how they handled the situation a bit.

I'm usually pretty assertive at handling thing round my DC but looking back I did let this situation go on a bit too long to the detriment of my DC - though it was not as physically violent as described in your OP.

That kind of behaviour the head I believe the head at my DC school would be there dealing with it from the off - - at least the parent grape vine of rare occasions at my DC school says that what happens.

In your situation I would write to the head - and focus only on your DC and how the are going to keep your DC safe. If other parents have problems then they should be approaching the head separately about their DC and their concerns. If this violent DC has problems the school still has to keep your child safe - focus on that not the other child.

If these attacks are as serious as you describe I am surprised that you have left it until the school has presumably closed for the summer to raise this matter with the Head.
If the same pattern of behaviour occurs next term raise it once with the class teacher, and if it occurs again go straight to the Head and ask for an investigation.
He should be dealing with this type of violent behaviour; your child has presumably come home with marks, bruises, scratches to support his complaints?
Next term your child will be in Year 1 with a different teacher and issues may be dealt with differently.

totally some teachers are ineffective at dealing with bullying and in a busy playground incidents are often missed. Staff see the aftermath of crying, scratches, but don't see the incident unfolding. I'm a bit at your definitive statements as they can only be based on your own experiences (which obviously differ from the OP's but do not make your's any more valid).

A teacher who doesn't want to address a bullying issue will try to spend time talking about how difficult it is for the bully. DS' teacher also regularly told us that the bully's parents were not supportive whenever they were approached by the school concerning his behaviour (of course, this was none of our business and she should not have told us this, but she did).

We removed DS from the school for his safety and when DH had a final meeting with the deputy head to say DS wouldn't be returning, the bully was sitting outside her office because he'd hurt another child again . A few days later, we received a call from the new HT at the school, who apologised profusely for what had happened, and informed us that they were changing their bullying strategy so they could monitor from the outset how the teacher was responding to any emails/written correspondence. They were clear that the class teacher had managed it ineffectively.

would also say its raely just one child starting it even the nice ones have their off days and misbehave sometimes

^^

Copied and pasted this for those saying schools don't victim blame. Prime example. The 'it can't possibly be this one child, you must have done something to provoke him'

This attitude from teachers and school staff absolutely stinks. Imagine if someone said it about a woman beaten by her partner? Or a child beaten by a parent?

mig again your post says what schools could/should do. But lots of people are finding the schools are not doing anything.

Your focus is wrong. Forget about the other kid, he's none of your business. His home life; discipline or needs. Your business is the safety of your own child.

Meeting should be about safeguarding your own child. Follow the procedures and if they don't work, escalate to the police or move your child.

well, having witnessed many incidents of bullying over decades, it is my experience that crying "victim blaming" is the pretty standard response of any parent who refuses to believe their little one is anything less than angelic.

In fact, the more bullying is effectively dealt with, the more cries of "victim blaming" will go up.

There are some strange assertions on this thread, for example there is no bullying. No it doesn't , this claim is known to be the mark of very poor management.

That reception children are not watched, they are, it would be very difficult for a reception child to repeatedly assault another child without being seen.

That a child with these needs wouldn't be funded, we are talking about a child who we are not attempted to kill another child......

Well totally having worked in schools for the last few years and with families I can tell you teachers dont always help with the attitude like that. It's a get out clause for the bully 'but they started it' .

And I can assure you, ds has never done anything to provoke her bully. Which is even backed up by the bully himself. Which he admitted when he was spoken to by the police.

Where outside, school, is it every acceptable to attack a person? Even when provoked.

Funding even in extreme situations is not always available or easy to get.

Some schoola do not supervise properly and often turn a blind eye.

Dd was attacked in December. All teachers were advised that if this child touched dd again he was to be taken out of the situation, to the HT office. The HT and his class teacher was to be informed immediatly.

When he tracked her avian a few days later, the teacher supervising simply told ds to stop making a fuss and moved the boy to the back of the queue. I found out that night. I went in Monday morning. Neither the class teacher or HT had been informed. As per their own procedure. The teacher that witnessed it, eventually admitted she did she it but didn't think anything of it and had forgot the procedure.

The Police were so concerned by his behaviour he was cautioned. But yeah, probably my ds that caused it.

Then we wonder why victims of domestic abuse don't come forward. Maybe because we teach kids that they probably deserved the kicking they got from a bully

There are some strange assertions on this thread, for example there is no bullying. No it doesn't , this claim is known to be the mark of very poor management.

And I am not sure what you are getting at here

That reception children are not watched, they are
totally I think you forgot, yet again, to say 'in your school'.
ime the class teacher admitted she could not see what was happening in the cloakroom (it was long and narrow), or in the toilets, or when the DCs were playing at the far corners of the playground. In fact, older DCs (P7) had to rescue my DS from one incident. The teaching staff did not see the incident and were blissfully unaware until the older DCs delivered a weeping DS to them. The teaching staff witnessed the aftermath including broken belongings, cuts and scratches, but they quite often missed the incidents themselves.

There are different levels of supervision in different schools. There are also points where staff are distracted by other DCs or their colleagues.

However, you seem determined to extrapolate your experiences out to definitive rules for all schools which is disingenuous and I'd imagine unhelpful to the OP.

There are some strange assertions on this thread, for example there is no bullying. No it doesn't , this claim is known to be the mark of very poor management.
sorry, something went wrong with my typing. What I am saying is that it does NOT reflect well on a school to claim there is no bullying, either with ofsted or with anyone else. This claim is recognised to be the mark of poor management. No school is trying to pretend they don't have bullying, why would they,?

totally I think you forgot, yet again, to say 'in your school'. ok, in the 50 or so schools I have been involved with,... it would be impossible for this level of violence to go unnoticed for a year, and quite frankly it is a joke to suggest it.

But the OP doesn't say it has gone unnoticed. She says the teacher either says her DC 'provoked' it or that the teacher tries to move the conversation on to another topic. No-one suggested it had been unnoticed except you.

If you've only spoken to the class teacher, then maybe that teacher is very useless and bad, but the school might have sorted things out to your satisfaction if you'd escalated your complaints.
So escalate!
For a supposed wonderful school, you don't seem to have any faith in the staff or procedures, which is a shame.
Maybe look round the other schools and if you get a better feel go on a waiting list.

Bully .... this seems to be a very dirty word in schools. .... they dont like the term. It suggests there are on going issues that arent being dealt with. So OP had faith in the school that something was being done ... not unreasonable .... turns out nothing was..... I have yet to meet a teacher that fully understands bullying and will make out a thrown ruler is low level behaviour ... it is not.... children want fairness. Get a copy of the LEA complaints procedure - anti bully policy and behaviour policy - and start using them in your emails. Send copies to the board of govenours and use the word BULLY.

You have seen the class teacher 10 times about your ds being attacked and you still haven't got to the bottom of it?

You need to have a meeting with the HT ASAP. Do not be fobbed off by the office, you must insist you see him as it is a very serious matter.

You are right to worry about your ds next year, this needs to be stopped Adam the class teacher needs a good talking to about class behaviour and protecting children.