Aggressive and violent child at school. What can I do if school are brushing it under the carpet?

[Ducied]

Hi,

I would really like some advice from anyone who has had a similar experience, or works in school/LEA/is a school governor or similar.

My son (reception age) attends a very highly regarded primary school. It is rated as one of the top UK primaries.

There is a violent and aggressive boy in his class, who has sought out my child for the entire school year and subjected him to being hit/pushed/shoved on a regular basis. Sometimes it happens almost every day, and sometimes it scales off then a very aggressive and serious incident will occur a week later.

Examples of serious incidents are head injuries, head stamped on, attempted strangulation, blows to the eye, hits in the face with hard objects.

I have spoken to the class teacher about 10 times over the year. Each time he insists my son is sometimes provoking (we had NO behavioural issues before at nursery - not a single incident). He then deflects from what I am saying by bringing up issues with my son, for example, my son's phonics work (or similar). These 'issues' with my son are only brought up after I have called a meeting to discuss my son's safety.

While I know this will sound unreasonable to some, my experience so far says the school are trying to give me the message that if I kick up a fuss about this, they will deflect by attacking my son.

My son's report came home 2 weeks ago. It says he is 'outstanding' in all 3 areas of the EYFS.

I am worried about next year when this boy will be bigger and stronger. I worry something serious might happen one day. The incidents happen at playtime, and the school are clearly not watching them closely enough.

When I bring up my concerns, they seem to nod their heads and not do anything to address the behaviour. If they are doing anything, it is not working.

What would you do next?

That's absolutely it. The child isn't given any opportunity to get physical with other children. Escorted into school, has a one to one at all times of the day also at break times and lunchtimes. There's also other things in place to help him stay calm through the day.It's incredibly expensive but the school and governors are happy to put it in place regardless and it has solved the problem.

It's not the child's fault but I'm not going into further details. If anyone thinks I have put too much detail in please do report the post.

In this circumstance Vatican, you say the school have funded the 1:1 adult?

That may be a big part of the problem. Our school are constantly fundraising, to the point at which I feel I am buying a cake or donating almost every week. Sometimes twice in a week.

Would the parents need to agree to the child being assessed and possibly diagnosed for the LEA to fund a 1:1 support adult?

My school is in a massively deprived area. And I know what you mean about the cakes!

A diagnosis is not always necessary and not always relevant but I'm guessing there are other bodies involved with the child and family from other things you've written.

I'm not really up with how current funding for 1 to 1 is supposed to work.

Thanks Vatican. Feeling much more prepared to tackle this now.

I just wanted to add, another suggestion which our HT made (but failed to implement) was putting the DCs in different playgrounds so eg our DS and the rest of the class would play in the P3-P7 playground; and the child who was hurting DS would play in the P1-P2 playground.

In DS' new school, they also have a playground book to monitor bullying or any issues. So, if something happens in the playground, no matter which teacher is on duty, the incident is written in the book. Serious incidents are reported to the HT and the HT also checks the book every week so they're aware of any patterns forming or causes of concern. You could suggest your school implement something similar. It formalises the reporting process and makes it easier to keep track of incidents and/or disruptive behaviour. (In DS' previous school, there was often a breakdown in communication between playground supervision and class teacher so incidents did slip through the net)

We have been there. We moved dd in year 5 after her school refused to do anything. We home schooled her til we found a new school. 6 months later the bully was moved out of his school into dds new school. So moving her was pointless.

Basically OP, record everything. Make sure they record everything and ask for copies of their records. Every meeting should have someone taking the minutes, typing it up and giving you a copy. Everytime.

You will find when very thing is being recorded, you will find they actually do something. Do not communicate over the phones. Do it in person with someone taking notes or by email. Speak to the head asap.

Our bully finally stopped when he ended up receiving a caution after we called the police.

You've had some excellent advice here, OP.

My advice would be to put everything in writing. Document every single assault on your child and what the response was to your complaint about it.

Every single time something happens write to the class teacher, the head and the chair of governors. And include an updated list of previous complaints.

I'm guessing that, so far, your concerns have been made verbally to the teacher. You need to put it in writing.

Once a written complaint is made it becomes much more official and difficult to fob off. With a school like this, that obviously prides itself on its reputation, I wouldn't hesitate to threaten them with Ofsted either.

OP, what actual evidence do you have of dangerous violence from this child?

A lot of what you are saying sounds confused, and cannot be true. for example the school had serious consequences for not picking up on abuse, ABSOLUTELY THEY DID NOT, the school don't want to upset the family - ABSOLUTELY NOT. The family prevent him being labelled/ the other parents want to approach SS/ there is no funding for SN/ the child needs 1:1/ the child is never watched at break time etc etc etc none of this rings true.

Have just skimmed through your posts, but to be honest, the whole thing smacks of a bunch of adults enjoying a witch hunt. The only thing you mention seeing for yourself is two pushes.

If there is a problem, you are going about describing it in totally the wrong way, because you just sound like you are enjoying a fantasy drama, to be completely frank, and maybe encouraging your child is to

it may be that the school plain and simple don't believe you. I can't believe the teacher "attacks" your son when you complain. I can believe that the teacher has absolutly no idea what you are on about, and is trying to find out if there is something else you actually want to talk about.

if the child is so violent, why have you spoken to the teacher 10 times? That just makes no sense.

Where is your diary, your photos, your record of injuries, your record of medical treatment needed,

where is your escalation? Why would you not go to the police?

If this is an actual problem you seem to have let it drift in a totally passive way. if you are genuinely concerned your child will be seriously injured, what have you done to protect him?

I don't really understand this, how can your account of how schools function be so wide of the mark? You are clearly listening to gossip, and confused on several levels. So it is hard to advise, because there is no way of judging from your posts what the problem actually is.

Not sure where you're coming from, totally. Are you saying the OP is making this up?

It sounds totally believable to me. And typical of how some teachers and HTs respond to a violent DC they don't know how to deal with.

OP's child is being hurt. People are giving her advice as to how to stop that happening.

There are violent DCs in many schools and the schools do not always address the issue very well.

If there are other parents with similar concerns, it seems to me that that is your answer. The teacher would surely find it difficult to say that each and every one of the children concerned has provoked the problem.

The school has to have a bullying policy. I suggest you get a copy and meet with the head to go through it and check what precisely they have done to comply with it.

In relation to your question about education records, yes, you are entitled to see your child's records within 15 school days of making a request. However, it's true to say that schools don't necessarily put every relevant document into a child's file. If you are going down this route, it would be worth asking whether they have a separate record of behavioural incidents and if so asking for a copy of anything involving your child. If it names other children, their names could be blanked out.

I am coming from reading the posts describing serious and persistent violence, about which the Op has done absolutly nothing, just passively let it drift for a year, done nothing more then casually mentioned it to the teacher, coupled with some pretty wild accounts of other things related to the school, which can only have come from misinformed gossip.

I am not saying there isn't a problem, just that the whole description, and response from the op is so totally in a parallel universe, that either it is just made up, maybe by the child, encouraged by the mum, or that she just hasn't taken any effective action at all, except to post on here after the end of the year.

either way, wtf?

if I kick up a fuss about this, they will deflect by attacking my son.

why exactly would anyone go to the time and trouble of making up an issue instead of dealing with one? it would be 10 times harder and more work to invent something

The incidents happen at playtime, and the school are clearly not watching them closely enough.

Children are watched constantly at playtime, yet no one has ever seen anything ever????

The school policy is to raise issues with class teacher, then head, then governors, then LEA

This is normal, and yet the OP has not done this, in spite of "serious incidents" such as attempted murder?

Other parents (who are aware of this child's behaviour) are pushing for a group of parents to approach social services. I do not feel at all comfortable about this.

WTF??? really? this just sounds like gleeful bandwagon jumping. if it was real, any one of them could have contacted SS at any moment, not just gathered round in groups and enjoyed the gossip.

General opinion is that he needs support, perhaps has a volatile homelife, has violent siblings there is nothing so ill informed as "general opinion" about a school child from other parents at the school gate.

the parents are against him being 'labelled' and therefore against him having additional help at school irrelevant and ill informed

If nothing else, he does need extra supervision to stop him attacking other children, and therefore another member of staff.

according to the OP, who doesn't seem to know anything at all really

Could school be seemingly unwilling to deal with this issue because of funding issues, the funding for children who need this supervision is entirely separate, if he needed it, he would have it.

or perhaps because of being scared of putting more stress onto an already possibly volatile homelife? what rubbish, schools don't disipline students out of fear of causing their parents stress????

I know that the school suffered some serious repercussions a couple of years ago when a pupil was being severely abused and they failed to pick up on it.

Again, total rubbish, very likely more wildly illinformed school gate gossip.

I could just go on and on and on

If this is a real problem, why hasn't the OP taken any steps to protect her son? She has done nothing at all, absolutly nothing. That is what I don't understand, why would you allow this to happen to your son for a year, and do nothing at all, except a few chats with the teacher, then post about it here?

Maybe it is a real probelm, but why hasn't the op taken any action? attempted strangualtion, for example, are there photos? medical records? a complaint to the police? If not, why not?

Totally you have no clue.

As I stated earlier my dd was severely bullied. Her school told us (even when she was dragged to the floor by her hair and then attacked with scissors) it wasn't really bullying and that dd was too sensitive to the way children act.

She moved schools, only for the bully to moved to her new school shortly after. And this school were not any better. She was attacked twice in less than 2 weeks. Nothing was done until they realised I had a paper trail and got the police involved.

My dds bully was involved in 8 serious assaults this year. Resulting in 2 kids going to hospital. He also threatened to kill a year 2 student.

Most schools do not do anything about bullying until they have to. Dds Bully was removed from lessons for a day. They wanted him back in, she refused to go to school if he was in her classroom. We backed her up and told the HT we would take her out and complain to the lea. All of a sudden she decided he must have a 1-2-1 supervisor (this was to be reviewed every few weeks and 1-2-1 removed when his behaviour improved) and did so for the rest of the school year. it was quite amazing. A HT made the decision without leaving the room when faced with evidence, a child too scared to go to class and a formal complaint. no checking of funding etc....she decided there and then.

I am not saying it isn't true, I am just saying I don't understand the response at all.

exactly would anyone go to the time and trouble of making up an issue instead of dealing with one? it would be 10 times harder and more work to invent something

Happens all the time in schools. They do not want to admit bullying is happening in schools and try to divert attention away from it. Dd was racially abused in her first schoo. Still not recorded anywhere in the school. Why would they record it when they want an outstanding ofsted report?

Children are watched constantly at playtime, yet no one has ever seen anything ever????

Again teachers at dds school claimed not to have seen it. Until ds wouldn't back down that one had (also the teacher that told her to stop telling tales when she was punched so hard in the stomach, it bruised).

spartans, it wouldn't affect the ofsted grading in the slightest, pretending bullying didn't happen would damage the ofsted rating, not dealing with it. it is assumed that bullying happens, and ofsted expect to see the records of how it has been dealt with. You say your child was bruised, but the OP hasn't mentioned any evidence at all, even though she says it has been going on for a year, and children this age are watched all day.

I am not saying it isn't real, I am just saying the OP has taken no effective action at all, and I just don't understand that.

I could go on totally. What you say makes sense. However, ita lots of parents experiences that these things happen a lot.

I do agree with you, however, about the group reporting to social services. Anyone could do it at any point, individually. Sounds like they are all hoping someone else calls then they are blameless.

I also agree that the OP should am have escalated this before now.

OP you've clearly (and understandably), lost faith in this school to protect your DS. The class teacher didn't listen to your concerns and batted them away, and you feel sure that the head will avoid you and treat you in a condescending manner. If it was me, I'd immediately write a letter to the head detailing every incident and every meeting with the teacher that your arranged to try and address matters. I would go into as much detail as possible about each incident. I would cc the board of governors and demand action. And if none is forthcoming that you are satisfied with I would pull your DS out immediately. In the meantime, I would look for an alternative school and make approaches to the LEA about moving schools so you can move quickly, if need be.

You HAVE to protect your DS. The school's reputation and this other boy's home life are not your concern and if the school won't act, then you must - decisively.

But they don't deal with it effectively, so they just don't report it in the first place. I have seen the outstanding ofsted reports that comments bullying does not happen at the school. Which is a lie.

I was wondering the same as Totally to be honest.

I just can't imagine my child having their head stamped on or attempted strangulation and not having gone straight to the Head's office. I am a pretty calm person but the red mist would have descended over any of those incidents. Surely - your child was bruised if he'd been strangled or had his head stamped on?

I do think that playground supervision isn't always great in schools though.

As everyone else has said, I would see the Head asap - if necessary stand outside his office at drop off tomorrow morning and say it is a matter of urgency.

The whole thing about a group of parents and SS just seems most odd. Have any of their children been hurt and have they spoken to the Head either?

Oh your poor son.
But I must say, why have you allowed this to go on for so long?
All year?
The headteacher should have been brought in after the third event, in light of the failure of the teacher to deal with this.
And then failing her dealing with this, the board of governors!
This must not be allowed to continue but you must show them that you mean business and will not tolerate any violence towards your son, nor being fobbed off by them.

And it's really not an outstanding school is it... not if this is happening. Unless the headteacher is not aware in which case the teacher needs to be taken to task.

Do not meet with the head first. Instead email the head a detailed log of what's happened to date, the lack of resolution despite talking to teacher 10 times. Explain that you hope you don't have to escalate it further and that the head can resolve it.

You have to go through the formal processes laid out by the school. You need to do this for your sons sake. It doesn't matter how intimidating the head is. Keep everything to email if that helps you cope with speaking up