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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think MN is getting nastier?

970 replies

MaggieJoyBlunt · 17/07/2015 15:15

So far this week we've had giving birth referred to as 'calving' (in the context of women having children while young). Someone loved that one so much they immediately commented on what a great expression it was and repeated it.

We've had someone propose that Prince Phillip should be 'humanely destroyed'. swiftly followed up by a similar suggestion about taking him out to a barn or a shed or some such and shooting him.

We've had a thread about the death of a convicted murdered where several posters queued up to tell us they were, smiling or "laughing gleefully" or simply to post "lol" as a one word comment. (Okay she was a vicious killer and will not be much missed, but really?)

Add to all of that the Budget threads where in the midst of people worrying and calculating the cut to their household budget, other people came to gloat and make helpful observations such as "If you can't afford DC, don't have them."

MN didn't used to be nasty. Vigorous, challenging etc; But not nasty.

What's going on around here?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

usualsuspect333 · 19/07/2015 10:13

Royalty = Posters who don't NC.

usualsuspect333 · 19/07/2015 10:16

And slagging off a poster who may or may not still be here is quite nasty.

LarrytheCucumber · 19/07/2015 10:17

I stopped posting on the SN section and left Mumsnet because I was frightened of some of the posters on there. I have a son with Aspergers so I thought I was allowed to have an opinion, but at the time having a different opinion was considered unacceptable. (This was several years ago).
I don't think Mumsnet has got nastier at all.
And yes I realise that the people posting at the time had been very deeply hurt by the way society treated them and their children, and yes I do know that some of them felt they were constantly battling the system. I just didn't understand that having had a different experience as a parent of a child with special needs made me an outsider.

TisNotMaidenly · 19/07/2015 10:20

There's another 'supportive' area of mumsnet that's only supportive of you agree with the posters, Larry.

But I think it should be borne in mind that many of the things that are considered to be the 'Mumsnet way' have become so because people stood up and spoke out. I try to remember that if I'm defending my corner!

fishboneschokus · 19/07/2015 10:21

I am trying to remember group theory stuff from years ago.
Was the ongoing redefinition of rules and boundaries part of natural
Group process? Esp in a group with high turnover and no leader?

Samcro · 19/07/2015 10:32

I wonder if the sn topic is better now, I left it because unless you agreed with certain "head girl" types who ran the topic, you were not treated well. watching that happen was not nice.

Pagwatch · 19/07/2015 10:35

Larry - the SN section is just like anywhere else on MN. The posters are exactly the same so you get your great posters and your dickheads.

I don't visits there for general chat but I would still go there in a heartbeat for help. I understand what you are saying but tbh I wouldn't dismiss all those posters , many of whom are astonishingly helpful and supportive.

I think they do feel protective of each other if they post regularly but still - I'd still recommend it as a resource to a friend (albeit with a warning)

I hope you would still feel you could get support if you needed it.

LarrytheCucumber · 19/07/2015 10:57

Samcro I think you have hit the nail on the head.
Pagwatch there were some supportive people, I agree. Maybe I just hit a bad time. I was feeling vulnerable too, and I made the right choice by leaving Mumsnet for a while. Unfortunately after I had left I looked back at the thread and there were people being horrible about me and I couldn't defend myself. One nice poster did though.
All water under the bridge, lessons learnt etc. Onwards and upwards!

Samcro · 19/07/2015 11:02

when I joined mn the sn topic was home, I got a lot of help and support. i don't know what its like now, but it did get very nasty for a while, and watching a very vulnerable poster being attacked was horrid.
I took a year of mn (lurked but didn't post) came back with a new name and never share about my dc's. I find it much better that way.

Spartans · 19/07/2015 11:04

I used mn for a few years around 2010. People were saying the exact same things on threads, that they are saying on this one.

People complaining about being offended, then being called professionally offended, people mis reading and mis quoting to be able to jump on someone.

I don't think it's worse. I think it's exactly the same. That why I take a break after a while.

ilovesooty · 19/07/2015 11:10

usual do you think so? I never have but wouldn't for one moment think that I'd be considered royalty and honestly don't know who is. I just find the references to it unpleasant especially with things like "one particular poster" crossed out because I don't know who people mean, and the whole attitude seems really disconcerting.

LarrytheCucumber · 19/07/2015 11:14

usualsuspect333 · 19/07/2015 11:18

Sooty, How else would the Royalty bashers be able to identify Royalty then?

I mean someone could NC every week and be a prolific poster but never be accused of being a nasty regular.

ilovesooty · 19/07/2015 11:29

Oh I do agree with that usual. Of course royalty by definition would have to be non name changers. I don't think that all non name changers are considered royalty though and I don't know who these so so called royalty are. Of course people can't say specifically so they make snide references to it which is what I find so unpleasant.

Bambambini · 19/07/2015 11:29

Nah, Mn royalty have little fan clubs of posters who can't wait to follow them and agree with them. You can have a 6 page thread with hundreds of posters saying pretty much the same thing and some posters fall over themselves to ingratiate themselves with a particular (usually popular) poster and you see the " ^ what * said" whilst ignoring thatothers have said exactly the same thing.

This isn't a go at the "royalty" who are just posters who post a lot and don't name change, can be funny or intelligent etc , but more at those who follow them and have to let them know that they agree with them.

YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 11:33

I can't be a royalty basher. I have no idea who any of them are.

I do take a mental note of some posters who seem to be hell bent on shit stirring, goading or just coming on to be unpleasant. But they seem to be a very small minority or the same person name changing .

usualsuspect333 · 19/07/2015 11:34

Bam, I could answer that post if I knew who Royalty were?

They are alluded to but no fucker knows who they are.

Hexadecimal1 · 19/07/2015 11:35

For the answer to "royalty", check the sycophantic "who is your favourite MNer" threads that pop up from time to time

ilovesooty · 19/07/2015 11:37

It's not just me who doesn't know who they are then?

In that case I think people who allude to them specifically with little crossed out comments should have their posts deleted. It's just shit stirring.

usualsuspect333 · 19/07/2015 11:38

Not many people agree with me on MN so I'm definitely only a commoner.

ilovesooty · 19/07/2015 11:38

Fair point Hex

Those threads have a lot of shit stirring potential as well.

YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 11:39

I hate those kinds of threads.

usualsuspect333 · 19/07/2015 11:41

And even on the fave MNer threads, people are only going to list peoples names that don't NC.

I mean how can you list people who NC all the time?

Bambambini · 19/07/2015 11:43

I could name the usual suspects (in my mind) but don't want to really single them out or embarrass them. I think many posters would have at least a few of the same names if they were to compile their own list of Mn royalty. Bit like those horrible threads asking for the most popular pisters and often the same names come up (maybe they are the royalty).

I don't mind the posters who (or whom I consider) are considered royalty - it's those that seem to echo them and follow them around. Like everywhere in life, some people stand out and can be louder, more popular, funnier etc than others. It's not enough just to be a prolific non name changing poster.

YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 11:43

It just smacks of 'oooh I love this poster... will you be my friend...' . It's so sycophantic and makes me heave. It's like 8 year old girls.

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