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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In my response?

51 replies

buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 11:35

I've been single for a year and had recently started seeing a guy. I was really growing to like him, but a few days ago he stopped texting.

He then this morning text me the following:

"Good morning sorry for delayed response. my ex has been asking me about trying again. Things have not fully progressed but I want to be honest as much as I like the sounds of what I read" [in response to some flirty messages from a few days ago]

I was pretty hurt by this esp. the "progressed" bit (can't articulate why) and responded with:

"Thanks for being honest, if you think there's still something between the two of you I wouldn't want to be kept on the back burner as that's just messy and I'm worth more than that. Good luck with the way things progress."

I will still come into contact with this guy every so often but can hold my head up high - but did this response come across as confident or just petty? Feels a bit shit coming "runner up" iykwim.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 17/07/2015 11:39

That's a fantastic response imo Grin

niceupthedance · 17/07/2015 11:39

YANBU

At least he was honest but it is shit being rejected, I think you handled it well.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 11:39

anyone? Blush

OP posts:
Epilepsyhelp · 17/07/2015 11:40

Great response, YANBU

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 11:42

oh thank you didn't see the responses! phew feel better now despite the rejection (I am a catch honest!) thank you MNers Grin

OP posts:
ChwatFeechers · 17/07/2015 11:43

I think it was a good response, OP.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 11:44

The bit I don't get is where we were discussing exp's and he lamented about how much him and this woman didn't get on...you know on reflection I feel I have dodged a bullet!

OP posts:
ladygracie · 17/07/2015 11:45

Oh I think that was a great response.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 11:52

Thanks all, sometimes hard to assess how you've come across when you're a bit blue Sad

OP posts:
Cherryblossomsinspring · 17/07/2015 11:56

A fair response. ?

AlpacaMyBags · 17/07/2015 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cleanmyhouse · 17/07/2015 11:57

Man, i wish i had used responses like that in the past. Cool, calm, dignified.

Your attractiveness level will just have gone up a few notches in his eyes too. He'll kick himself. His loss. Don't get pulled back in if when he gets back in touch

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 12:11

^^ Cool, calm, dignified - I am feeling none of those things but if i've managed to come across this way then that's good Smile

The other part of his msg (I edited it as it was quite long) was him saying "sorry for my delayed response, things have been really hectic with work." It's just occurred to me that he's had time to sort things with his exp but not drop me a quick text? Seems a bit Hmm Yup definite bullet dodged.

OP posts:
starkers1 · 17/07/2015 12:13

Fab response!! Go OP!! Agree he will be kicking himself.

somemothersdohavethem · 17/07/2015 12:13

Yanbu

AlpacaPicnic · 17/07/2015 12:16

Ooh, i wish I could sound that mature after that kind of response.
My knee-jerk reaction is always something like 'Your loss, loser!'

Janette123 · 17/07/2015 12:19

buddahsbelly,
That was a FAB response - you go girl !

However, to his credit he was honest with you, and he gets a Brownie point for that.

cleanmyhouse · 17/07/2015 12:19

I guess you could be thankful for small mercies that he's been honest quite quickly. But to drop off the radar for a few days while he decided on his best option is unkind and not being careful with your feelings. That's a red flag red there. Bullet dodged indeed.

And although you may not be feeling cool, calm and dignified, you have presented that front. Feel as shit as you need to for a couple of days, the pick up, dust off and move on with the added satisfaction that as far as he knows, you're cool.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 12:20

thank you Blush I struggle to be assertive (could never have said something like this face to face) so am really glad that this hasn't resulted in me sounding petty. Surprise surprise no response to that msg Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
buddhasbelly · 17/07/2015 12:24

just saw those other responses - I agree it was better that he was at least honest now rather than later but he did come across as being "in demand" with his response times to messages.

My previous relationship (from a year ago) was very abusive (had posted previously about exp's conduct) so in my own mind it is reassuring to know that I must have learned from that and have set myself new standards.

OP posts:
gymbummy · 17/07/2015 12:26

Fabulous response! You might not feel cool, calm and dignified but he'll think you are. Walk away now with your head held high and don't give another thought to him.

ChwatFeechers · 17/07/2015 12:28

Then genuinely ''well done you, buddhasbelly''.

Onwards and upwards. Smile

TheAssassinsGuild · 17/07/2015 12:28

Perfect response! Well done!

ApprenticeViper · 17/07/2015 12:30

Another one here saying great response - dignified, let him know exactly how you view yourself and best of all, didn't tell him it was ok to contact you if it didn't work out with his ex.

If he's on Facebook he obviously never gets those "inspirational" things about an ex being an ex for a reason Grin

Dynomite · 17/07/2015 12:39

Very dignified, mature response.

And there isn't anything admirable about his 'honesty'- he told you directly that you're second best. Which means he thinks so little of you he actually though you might go along with it. Twat.