In my response?

[buddhasbelly]

I've been single for a year and had recently started seeing a guy. I was really growing to like him, but a few days ago he stopped texting.

He then this morning text me the following:

"Good morning sorry for delayed response. my ex has been asking me about trying again. Things have not fully progressed but I want to be honest as much as I like the sounds of what I read" [in response to some flirty messages from a few days ago]

I was pretty hurt by this esp. the "progressed" bit (can't articulate why) and responded with:

"Thanks for being honest, if you think there's still something between the two of you I wouldn't want to be kept on the back burner as that's just messy and I'm worth more than that. Good luck with the way things progress."

I will still come into contact with this guy every so often but can hold my head up high - but did this response come across as confident or just petty? Feels a bit shit coming "runner up" iykwim.

[Getthewonderwebout]

Good reply.

He was honest and that's decent. Not nice for you but obviously not the "one". good to find that out now so you can be free to date.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Yes I thoughot the same as LeftMy and you, Buddhasbelly - progressed meant he hasn't had sex with the ex yet but it's on the cards.

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Don't be too downhearted, OP.
It will happen when you least expect it.
Just look after yourself and your heart, OP. Until you REALLY know they're worth making yourself vulnerable for.
Today, be kind to yourself. Tomorrow - force yourself to move on.
Good luck!
xx

[buddhasbelly]

yes the "progressed yet" bit i had it in my mind that he hadn't yet slept with his ex again (progressed fully into an intimate relationship again).

I know I should just get over it, it's just taken a long time to get to a point where I thought I'd met a genuine person.

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

I though the "progressed" bit was a reference to sex. Saying he hasn't shagged the ex again yet. Or that "even though I haven't shagged you OP, I wanted to be honest"

Please do NOT date this man, OP.
You ARE worth more.
He is giving himself a pat on the back for "being honest" whereas he's actually dicked you around.

[buddhasbelly]

Thank you contractor6

[contractor6]

Great response hope you meet a great guy soon xx

[buddhasbelly]

Thanks Funny yes have deleted his number - no other response from him anyway. I don't drink so the drunk texting isn't a possibility but the "feeling a bit weak" texting would've been so good call on deleting it.

sykadelic they way i interpreted it was as much as he likes what he heard from me, things hadn't progressed fully with the other person and he wants to see where that will go...

I do feel like I need a hobby or something to go out and meet new people - I already go to the gym though so that's quite a lot of my babysitting hours that I can get from family used up. Not really sure where to meet anyone else.

[sykadelic]

Am I the only one who thought the "progressed" was actually about the OP then? As in "we're not really exclusive or anything but I wanted to be honest with you because I like what I read and I'm hopeful for our future".

Though TBF though the ex comment does sound like a "back burner" message or a "please do the pick me dance to keep me"

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Yep, excellent response, well done!

[FunnyNameHere]

I have been there.

[FunnyNameHere]

But you really need to delete him from your phone now, or next time you're drunk, you'll text him and completely nuke your present lofty superiority.

[FunnyNameHere]

And yes, you will honestly be completely unbothered by mid-August. Definitely.

And it's really not you vs her. It's you vs bullshit drama, and you won!! You TOTALLY WON.

[FunnyNameHere]

I completely understand that Friends reference! Yes, spot on. If you contact him again, it will completely undermine your own breezy "I'm better than this bullshit" stance. Have you deleted him from your phone? Please do. I'm serious, you will thank me when you're older. Delete him. Good things will come from it.

She's got nothing that you haven't, it really doesn't work like that. He doesn't have a checklist and a clipboard. God knows what they're doing, just remember your own message: you're worth more than this. And you ARE. Your message was brilliant because it implied acceptance of the situation. He's still giving it a try with her and you accept that, don't want more to do with it (because it's nessy), and you are currently floating off like a kick-ass swan. So what you need to do now is really find acceptance with this situation. So your only action is to shrug, think, "His loss!" and move forwards. Gliding. Serenely. Giving not a single toss.

Can you start a personal improvement project? Not that you need to! It's just I find them so empowering and uplifting. A diet, or an exercise plan, or a new look, or a haircut, or a complete rejig of your furniture, or SOME big change. Something big and engaging enough that it distracts you from his boring, yawny, messy tedious DrAmA.

[buddhasbelly]

Thanks fatmomma it's being able to post on MN that's stopped me texting him again. I really want to know what she's got that I don't. Can anyone recommend how I move forward? I'm late 20s, have a 1 yr old dd, I work in business development and currently working on my phd proposal. My work keeps me fairly busy and (hopefully) interesting

I feel I have redeeming features but am unsure how to proceed on the dating front? Any suggestions?

[buddhasbelly]

you know what keeps coming into my head Funny is that scene in Friends where Monica is leaving a voicemail for Richard and wants to come across as breezy and nonchalant and says in the voicemail "I'm breezy" which "negates the breeziness.." apologies if this is no point of reference at all!

I wont see him until the middle of August - he's on extended holiday leave - but feel confident in that when I do see him I will be very much unbothered.

I know he didn't do anything incredibly bad but it does still smart and I suspect it will do for the next couple of days. You start to analyse yourself and think "what is wrong with me that he picked someone else?"

[Fatmomma99]

Of COURSE you should be looking rather fabulous (if not completely fabulous) the next and every time you see him.

That's a no brainer!

And agree with FunnyName - do NOT text him again, you'll be so upset with yourself if you do. You have responded perfectly, don't blow it!

[FunnyNameHere]

Thank goodness you didn't text him again, that would've totally blown your cover! Please delete his number from your phone RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

Of course you want to look amazing next time you see him, totally normal. Spend all weekend in the shops/gym/salon. :-)

DO NOT TEXT HIM AGAIN. The first text was v good.

[buddhasbelly]

Thanks whois

[whois]

Great response I think. You were polite, dignified and showed that you have self respect. You do deserve more than that.

[buddhasbelly]

thank you He hasn't responded - I was close to sending a follow up text this afternoon where my petty bitchiness would've come out, along the lines of "glad you spent some time weighing up your options before bothering to get back to me, glad I was worth that" but kept my restraint and backed away from the phone, really dont want him to think this has bothered me.

BUT I will see him at my work (v occasionally) is it wrong that I want to look rather fabulous the next time I see him? yes i can be that shallow

[Fatmomma99]

absolutely F A N T A S T I C response. Well done!

You can CERTAINLY hold your head up high, and if I got that text, I'd be kicking myself from here into next week.

Well done!

[MammaTJ]

Well done, you are definitely worth more than being kept in reserve for if things don't work out with his ex. #1 or not at all is my motto and it has stood me in good stead! I would not want to be anyones 2nd choice.

[cleanmyhouse]

You are a better woman than me twice. I'd probably lie around feeling sorry for myself instead of cleaning then do something like get drunk and send a text i'd regret