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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by my sister's boyfriend taking over out holidays?

46 replies

NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 00:31

My sister & I are very close. For the last few years, we've gone on holiday together. Last year we went to an event (I don't want to say what because it might out me!). The event is something sister's BF claims he'd enjoy.

He's decided that him and sister are going to it this year, without asking me or considering me at all. Everything is booked now and can't be changed. I could book my own tickets etc. but it wouldn't be the same with him there- they tend to be very involved in each other!

I was really looking forward to going away with my sister because I don't get to see her as much as I'd like. I'm feeling pretty sad because of everything. AIBU to feel a bit pushed out?

OP posts:
UrethraFranklin1 · 17/07/2015 00:35

Hes decided? Sounds like she decided too, presumably she was involved with the booking etc.

She went with you last year, this year she wants to go with him. She didnt ask you to go. How is it all his fault?

whois · 17/07/2015 00:35

Not U to feel a little upset but def don't say anything like that to her.

Can you suggest something else for you and your sister to do?

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 17/07/2015 00:35

Of course not and of course it's hard when things change but that's how life is, always evolving and changing.

Your sister and you are presumably still close? Could you do a different holiday or weekend away?

Sure this boy friend is just thinking of spending time with his girlfriend as opposed to leaving you out.

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 17/07/2015 00:36

Have you spoken to your sister? YANBU to feel pushed out but ultimately your DSis has agreed to this, no doubt knowing how you'd feel. If you are very close then it's a conversation that she should have with you, if she has an awareness of your feelings on the matter.

PurpleSweets · 17/07/2015 00:37

I understand why you would feel a bit pushed out and upset by that. But unfortunately these sorts of things are always going to change over time with new relationships etc.

Boardingblues · 17/07/2015 00:37

I think that is is more U that you are considering booking a ticket to join your sis and her BF on holiday!

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 17/07/2015 00:43

Yes op don't book the ticket. That's the wrong thing to do.

Boardingblues · 17/07/2015 00:45

Does BFsnet exist? If so, is there a thread on their AIBU about a bunny boiler sister?

Original poster
NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 00:53

BF knew that I had planned on booking this holiday (for me and sis) tomorrow- he booked it for them as a 'surprise'. I was just waiting for my time off to be confirmed.

It was sis's idea to book tickets/a room and go with them. I think it would be weird, and I'd likely be a fifth wheel.

Might be unreasonable of me, but I feel like he's done it just to spite me because sis and I went away to this event without him last year.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 00:54

Just to be clear- the idea of booking a ticket came from my sister, not me.

I'm NOT going to book one.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 12:30

Sorry for the triple post, but I've just found out I've won tickets to this event through a comp I entered when I was there last year.

What do I do? I can't transfer them to anyone else.

OP posts:
LazyLouLou · 17/07/2015 12:33

You're going to have to go... even the heavens are conspiring to turn your luck against you... take a friend, one who is louder and braver than DSis's bf Smile

gamerchick · 17/07/2015 12:41

Take a friend.. It's unlikely they'll have names on if they're prize tickets. It's not as if you put names on the entry forms 12 months in advance.

gamerchick · 17/07/2015 12:43

And I would really recommend working on getting out of th mindset that you're in competition with your sisters bloke for your sisters attention. It's not fair on your sister as time goes on.

Trills · 17/07/2015 12:49

I would really recommend working on getting out of th mindset that you're in competition with your sisters bloke for your sisters attention.

This.

When people have partners they DO take up a lot of time.

If you were with someone, you might sometimes choose to spend time with them rather than with your sister.

Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 12:51

Things change and sometimes you have to roll with it. It's nice that you have enjoyed some lovely holidays with your sister, but this year she and her bf want to go away together. That's life.

storminabuttercup · 17/07/2015 12:58

Wow that's quite lucky that you won the tickets. Take a friend, you may not even bump into sis and bf. can see why you are upset. He should have checked with your sister. Did your sister know you were booking tickets or were you doing it as a surprise too?

CrystalCove · 17/07/2015 13:03

I know you dont want to say what it is but Im dying to know now!

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 17/07/2015 13:03

"BF knew that I had planned on booking this holiday (for me and sis) tomorrow- he booked it for them as a 'surprise'."

I think if that's true, that's a really weird thing for him to do. I'd be pissed off too. Sort of akin to knowing someone wanted to buy someone a fancy camera, and was just about to, and going out and quickly buying it first.

Is there anything else in his behaviour that seems either a bit socially unaware, or a bit competitive of your closeness with his GF?

SavoyCabbage · 17/07/2015 13:04

Go with someone else. Arrange to have a meal with your sister and her boyfriend while you are there.

antimatter · 17/07/2015 13:05

take a friend with you

Original poster
NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 13:14

I'm not competing with the BF for my sister's attention. It's just when they get together, all they know is each other- we had a day out on York a few weeks ago and I was left to trail round on my own while they spent most of the time all over each other. It was fucking grim. They've only been seeing each other for the past few months- they were friends before that.

It's a sporting event and not something most of my friends would be interested in. I've fired off texts and emails though so hopefully I can find someone who can come.

OP posts:
Spartans · 17/07/2015 14:21

My brother and I are extremely close. Best friends and never fell out growing up. We have been away on holiday together etc.

However he met sil and things changed. Things never stay the same. This was going to happen at some point. She has just met someone first. If she is never making time for her, speak to her. But you do need to expect that things will change as you get older as well.

Personally I was happy for dbro. He and sil are married with 2 kids. He deserves to be happy, even if it means I have to take a back seat.

Rainbunny · 17/07/2015 17:50

Let me get this straight, you and your dsis went to an "event" last year together but this year dsis and her BF are going just by themselves. I have to be honest, that seems fine to me. You've had your experience at the event with dsis, and this year the BF wants to experience the event with your dsis. Since they are a couple it's not very surprising that he just wants to go with her as a couple. It would have been nice if they had included you but I'm guessing they are not trying to exclude you to be mean, they probably just want to be by themselves. It's not reasonable to claim permanent "dibs" over a place/event etc... My advice, ask a friend along, go and enjoy! You can always plan a different trip for just you and your dsis.

WayneRooneysHair · 17/07/2015 17:53

You sound jealous OP, you can't expect things to stay the same throughout life.

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