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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt by my sister's boyfriend taking over out holidays?

46 replies

NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 00:31

My sister & I are very close. For the last few years, we've gone on holiday together. Last year we went to an event (I don't want to say what because it might out me!). The event is something sister's BF claims he'd enjoy.

He's decided that him and sister are going to it this year, without asking me or considering me at all. Everything is booked now and can't be changed. I could book my own tickets etc. but it wouldn't be the same with him there- they tend to be very involved in each other!

I was really looking forward to going away with my sister because I don't get to see her as much as I'd like. I'm feeling pretty sad because of everything. AIBU to feel a bit pushed out?

OP posts:

whois · 17/07/2015 18:04

Well it does seem a bit off that BF knew you were about to book for your sister and he just jumped ahead and booked it as a surprise. He sounds like a bit of a dick and like he is the jealous one.

Hopefully you can take a friend or acquaintance with you on your free ticket and not hang out with sis and BF too much -book a meal together or spend one day together or something.

BitterChocolate · 17/07/2015 18:06

If you have tickets then you could invite a friend and book a room in a completely different place from your sister. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just do your own thing and (depending on how big the event is) be in a different location from her for as much of the time as you can manage, give her a cheery wave as you pass by. It'll be different from how it was in the past, but just as much fun.

Do you like to always be with at least one other person? I'm a bit of an introvert admittedly, but I quite like going to special interest things by myself. I can go and see what I want, when I want and take a break whenever I want to. Plus I often just chat a bit to people on their own who are nearby about what we are looking at, if they're there then I can be sure that we have that interest in common.

McSnuff · 17/07/2015 18:12

Knowing you were waiting to get work leave confirmation and booking it before you could? Yeah, that's odd. Maybe not spiteful, but certainly jealous on his part. Wanting to impose himself on it, whether it's actually his sort of thing or not. I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel put-out, even if your sis has said "come along too" - she doesn't seem to feel the need to go with just him.

Does he have a pattern of behaviour like this?

Best of luck finding a new companion for it and I hope you can go and enjoy it.

Original poster

NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 21:02

Rainbunny, I think you're missing the point a little bit- he knew sis and I were planning to go together and booked tickets for him and her as a 'surprise'. I think that is a bit of a dick move. It would have been like me booking tickets for sis and me for the cruise he and sis went on.

It seems like an escalation of his controlling behaviour- when they go out somewhere, they always go where HE wants, not her.

I'm worried and not overly happy with him at the moment.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoSoHappyHolidays · 17/07/2015 21:03

BitterChocolate, I travel a heck of a lot on my own for work so it's nice to have company when I'm on holiday. I'll go on my own if I can't get anyone to come.

OP posts:

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 19/07/2015 11:36

So the answer to my question was yes?

pasturesgreen · 19/07/2015 12:21

As gently as possible, OP, but you need to come to terms with the idea that your sister has now a boyfriend.

It's perfectly normal for people in relationships to want to go on holiday together.

Frankly, it'd be weird if your sister, who presumably only has a limited amount of annual leave, still wanted to spend her holidays with you instead of her boyfriend.

It's most unusual and slightly odd for people to go away as a couple with their partner's sister, you can't ask that of her. Maybe try and find a friend to go away with and get together with your sister once you're both back from your respective breaks.

magoria · 19/07/2015 12:27

So you and your sister had decided the pair of you were going to this event and you were all set to book when he decided to book for him and her as a surprise.

I would be bloody pissed off if I had arranged to do something with person A and person B booked it for them and A and A said I could tag along (if I wanted - gee thanks).

Your sister should have either told you at the start that she would prefer to go on holiday with him (not nice but understandable).

If she wanted to go with you she should tell him this isn't on and not to do it again.

UrethraFranklin1 · 19/07/2015 12:35

Twice you have said that when they get together they only have time for each other....that is totally normal for couples who are only together a few months. Less normal is the womans sister hanging around shooting daggers at the boyfriend!
Is he actually exhibiting controlling behaviour or are you just seeing that because you clearly dont like him and you are somewhat jealous?

ssd · 19/07/2015 12:38

op, you need to get yourself a boyfriend too

Tequilashotfor1 · 19/07/2015 12:38

I actually think what he did was really controlling and I'd be keeping an eye on her.

Absolutly go. You we're going anyway. Don't let him decided if your going or not. Can you take another friend ?

Tequilashotfor1 · 19/07/2015 12:41

This is exactly the type of thing an ex of mine would do. And he was a controlling arsehole.

Smoorikins · 19/07/2015 12:49

Is it F1? If so, I'll come!!

misses point of thread completely

MadameJulienBaptiste · 19/07/2015 12:55

I think it's the BF feeling pushed out. Or at least, feeling a bit pissed off that his gf sister thinks that she can do all the same stuff with her sister now that he's on the scene.
you may be putting your sister in an awkward position in the middle. Yabu to go for a day out with a new couple and object to them behaving as a new couple.
If your sister hasn't actually said 'oh bf what did you book that for, I wanted to go with dsis' then you need to back off and accept that her priorities have changed.

CrispyFern · 19/07/2015 13:08

The way you explained it first it sounded like you were being a bit needy about your sister.

Now you've explained properly it sounds like your sister's boyfriend is a bit pathetic and jealous.
YANBU. But you'll just have to find someone else to go with you I guess!

drinkscabinet · 19/07/2015 13:26

I'd be a pissed off if I'd planned to do something with my sister and then a brand new boyfriend decided to step in like that and exclude me. But if your DSis hasn't told him it's not on you'll just have to live with it and find another friend to go along with. Try and keep an open mind about him but make sure you always talk regularly to your sister and stay close. If he turns out to be controlling she needs to know you are there for her, if he turns out to be 'the one' you don't want to be the crazy jealous sister.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 19/07/2015 13:54

I actually think it is pretty awful behaviour from the boyfriend. His girlfriend told him that she had arranged a girly weekend with her sister for a particular event (that the two of them had been to together before) and we're just waiting for confirmation before booking and he quickly goes out and books tickets for it as a "surprise".

Never mind that maybe his girlfriend wanted to go with her sister (as it was her suggestion).

At best he's very selfish. At worst he's controlling.

whois · 19/07/2015 14:25

Is it F1? If so, I'll come!!

I wand think that! Belgium GP at Spa and I'll totally come with OP :-)

Original poster

NoSoHappyHolidays · 20/07/2015 12:07

Not F1.

I'm annoyed by him booking the holiday for him and sis even though he knew sis and I had made firm plans to go together. I'm not jealous of him/them. I'm not trying to stop them going away together. (They went on a ten day cruise not so long ago.)

My sister and I are close in that we phone/text/email each other often but rarely get to spend time together. We try to get on holiday together just to see each other for a couple of days and do fun things, like visit a spa or watch a sport we both enjoy. Again, this isn't to take time away from their relationship, just to keep the sisterly one!

The BF is quite controlling in a way I don't like- he -always- decides where they're going when they have a day/night out, keeps turning up at where she works and following her home and keeps trying to control other aspects of her life- like getting her to change her (perfectly fine, brand new!) car. Something about him makes me uneasy and this holiday thing is just an extension of that.

OP posts:

Bambambini · 20/07/2015 13:39

So what on earth does your sister make of him doing this? What a strange thing for him to do, bloody weird - and is she just going along with it? Without saying anything to you? I think this is actually quite a big deal.

oddfodd · 20/07/2015 13:45

Big red flags waving here. Your sister must be feeling very conflicted

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