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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give my baby clothes away to someone I hardly know?

38 replies

Totality22 · 15/07/2015 16:13

I am struggling to work out if IABU or not?

Today SIL asked me - on the hop - what I am doing with my baby clothes. I told her I was just putting them in storage (she knows no more babies are planned) and she asked if I minded passing some stuff on to her sister.... whom I have met once.

I said of course but my gut reaction is that I don't want to give someone I barely know a load of baby clothes. Saying it out loud sounds ludicrously selfish (would I really rather all the lovely clothes be in my folks loft that being used??). I am pretty sure one day my sister will have another baby and I have a friend and another SIL trying so I guess I assumed one day they could have the baby clothes? one of them has to have a girl??

I am not massively attached to the clothes, I don't want any money for them and yes I did overbuy so some things weren't worn much BUT still I don't want to just hand them over to someone I don't know.

They would be given and not loaned (I had someone loan me stuff and it was a pita and I ended up giving them back. I don't expect someone else to faff about keeping "my" stuff separate!)

AIBU?

OP posts:

PosterEh · 15/07/2015 16:16

Can't you say you are saving them for someone else who is trying. Or pretend you aren't ready to part with them yet.

Littlef00t · 15/07/2015 16:16

Could you say you'd forgotten, you'd promised your friend they would get them when the opportunity arose?

Or pick out a mix of things to give, but only a small selection?

PosterEh · 15/07/2015 16:16

Sorry, YANBU.

Dukketeater · 15/07/2015 16:18

I'd just say something like "you caught me off guard the other day, my good friend X and my sister are yet to finish their families and I promised my bits to them so sorry but I can't give them to your sister"

BerylStreep · 15/07/2015 16:19

I'd pick out some bits & pieces for her, and explain you are holding on to some other bits for some other friends.

I know we had absolutely tonnes of baby clothes.

I'm glad we have got rid of our baby stuff now.

Anon4Now2015 · 15/07/2015 16:21

Why not just fish out some items that you are happy to part with and give those to your SIL to give to her sister?

LazyLouLou · 15/07/2015 16:25

^^ that!

Hand her a bag of clothing and smile.

If she asks, out loud not just with a raised eyebrow, tell her you are also keeping some for your own sister, and walk away.

SIL INBU to ask but she surely wouldn't expect to be given every scrap of baby stuff you own. And if she does then she moves into VU country

FrenchJunebug · 15/07/2015 16:58

YABU I gave mine to total strangers in need on Freecycle.

Buglife · 15/07/2015 17:01

Give her some of them and keep the rest. I've kept everything of sentimental value (first sleepsuits, tiny coats, little hats and shoes) and handed round the rest to various friends, and one lot to a friend who has a friend with a boy! I'm not keeping all that just hanging around. I've also given bags of stuff to charity. If he's not using it I don't mind who has it!

TheHouseOnBellSt · 15/07/2015 17:04

I think you're being a bit precious rather than selfish. I gave mine plus the moses basket to my Mum's neighbour's DD who was pregnant and alone at age 17...I didn't know her from Adam!

LithaR · 15/07/2015 17:07

I've given loads of baby stuff out. Including cot and pram. I kept some sentimental stuff but the rest went to various people. I think of it as paying forward the kindness I got from people when I needed it.

Peacheykeen · 15/07/2015 17:19

I gave mine to complete strangers too. I'm glad they were going to people who were grateful and didn't have much money as I know what it's like to struggle. I don't see your problem if I'm honest especially as you say you do not want any money for them and there will be no more children.

MayPolist · 15/07/2015 17:20

Bear in mind the poor sister may well have no knowledge of this! I was over4 whelmed by offers of second hand baby stuff which I didn't want!

Happy36 · 15/07/2015 17:20

I would be honest with your sister in law. Say that you will give some but would like them back. Explain the emotional connection. However, it is nice to help out another new mother as having babies can be expensive.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 15/07/2015 17:27

I gave my friends new neighbour (a young teenager who I don't know) clothes, rocker, steriliser, bag with changing mat, 4 bags of newborn size nappies (dd weighed 10lb 11oz - they barely covered her bum cheeks), blankets and toys. I also gave her dds pram. I kept anything of sentimental value. No point having it gather dust in the loft. It was lovely seeing her push her little girl in the pram. My sil thought I was mad. She has everything her dd ever breathed on boxed away. The bigger stuff she sold on eBay. I think because I grew up not being the only girl and having more than one child I lived on hand me downs so it's only natural I should pass stuff on too. Whereas she never had hand me downs and being the only girl never had to share...anyway no idea why I brought my sil into it. I think I'm a bit put out that she doesn't ever pass her dd's stuff on to my two younger dds even though I gave her lots of baby stuff from ds. So yeah to summarise op don't be my sil. Be me. Pass that stuff on. :o

scatterthenuns · 15/07/2015 17:29

Could you tell her that you wan't to hang on to them for now - not sure that the family is complete?

LilyMayViolet · 15/07/2015 17:36

What Happy said.

KillmeNow · 15/07/2015 17:36

I agree with a PP that the sister might not even be aware that you SIL is going round asking for baby stuff. She might well have her own supplies and end up being inundated.

So therefore I would hold back from offering anything just yet. You've already said you would donate some things to her and these can be some of the overbought stuff or things you are not so attached to.But only once the baby is born. That way you will be a bit further along from when your baby was using the clothes and you might get to 'know' her better from reports from you SIL.

And hopefully she might not need or want anything anyway so you get to have the Kudos of offering but not actually have to part with anything.

ollieplimsoles · 15/07/2015 17:39

I think your SIL is being a bit U for asking you really.. You barely know her sister wouldn't she think you might want to give them to someone a bit closer to you? Especially since you have a sister of your own and its your pfb clothes?

Dowser · 15/07/2015 17:41

My SIL when she found out I was expecting a baby went ...ooh what can I sell you?

Err nothing love. I'll get my own!

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2015 17:42

I was always happy to give them to anyone who needed them

They're just clothes

It's not like you're giving away your babies.

BackforGood · 15/07/2015 17:43

Well I think YABabitU.
If you don't want to use them anymore, surely it's better for someone else to use stuff than to put it in the loft ?
But then, when I've finished with stuff, if I don't know anyone personally I can give it to, I either give it to a charity shop or put it on Freecycle - so most goes to complete strangers, not even people I know a bit.

MrsBojingles · 15/07/2015 17:48

Why not give her a few bits & pieces and say you're saving the rest for someone else?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 17:53

YANBU at all. It is entirely up to you what you decide to do with your baby's clothes.

If you choose to give or sell them to someone, fine, whether you know that person or not. If not, equally fine.

Your clothes, your decision.

BerylStreep · 15/07/2015 18:01

A friend asked me if she could have any bits of clothes from my DS. I said to her to go ahead and rummage and take any bits she fancied - she said 'that's alright, I'll just take it all' She knew my sister (broke) had also just had a son the same age as hers. It actually quite upset me that I didn't have anything to pass on to my sister, so if you are going to pass anything on, don't make my mistake - bag up only what you are happy to give her.

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