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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give my baby clothes away to someone I hardly know?

38 replies

Totality22 · 15/07/2015 16:13

I am struggling to work out if IABU or not?

Today SIL asked me - on the hop - what I am doing with my baby clothes. I told her I was just putting them in storage (she knows no more babies are planned) and she asked if I minded passing some stuff on to her sister.... whom I have met once.

I said of course but my gut reaction is that I don't want to give someone I barely know a load of baby clothes. Saying it out loud sounds ludicrously selfish (would I really rather all the lovely clothes be in my folks loft that being used??). I am pretty sure one day my sister will have another baby and I have a friend and another SIL trying so I guess I assumed one day they could have the baby clothes? one of them has to have a girl??

I am not massively attached to the clothes, I don't want any money for them and yes I did overbuy so some things weren't worn much BUT still I don't want to just hand them over to someone I don't know.

They would be given and not loaned (I had someone loan me stuff and it was a pita and I ended up giving them back. I don't expect someone else to faff about keeping "my" stuff separate!)

AIBU?

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 15/07/2015 18:05

No don't give them if you don't want to. I think it's a bit cheeky of your sil to put you in this position. I'd say you are keeping them because you might be planning another baby. I would be too cowardly to say the real reason. I'd give them if I thought she was hard up otherwise I wouldn't.

nottheOP · 15/07/2015 18:09

It's just clothes. Fair enough for cots or prams I suppose but lots won't want anything second hand, so you might as well get rid now, unless there's a chance that you want them?

TruJay · 15/07/2015 18:12

Yanbu I don't like to be asked either. I don't see anything wrong with saying "oh if you're thinking of getting rid of anything would you let me know, dsis is expecting" it's just a bit more polite.
I also give lots away to charity or people I know who need them but there's some stuff I just want to keep whether I have another child or not.
My sil is bugging me at the moment as every time she sees my dc in new clothes she says "ooh lovely, I'll have that when we have a baby" "your dc have such beautiful clothes, when they grow out of them, I'll have them for mine" she doesn't have dc yet.
It's just irritating that she expects to have them, I have siblings of my own that I would pass them onto if they have children and they are expensive outfits/clothes and sil earns much more than we do so it wouldn't be hard to buy all these things for herself.
I'm very sentimental and I want to keep my stuff until I decide off my own back to donate/give away to who/where I want.

BerylStreep · 15/07/2015 19:25

Trujay that's very rude! I would be tempted to say that if she has a boy he is going to look very odd in the dress and leggings combo! (or other way round, ykwim)

FriendofBill · 15/07/2015 19:44

YANBU.

I wouldn't go into too much dishonest you, just that you have changed your mind and are going to hang on to them.

You are allowed to keep your own stuff.

FriendofBill · 15/07/2015 19:44

Rogue you.

Jux · 15/07/2015 21:22

Just give her a few bits which You care about less (cot sheets, muslins, bibs!), and keep the rest for your sister and friend.

maggiethemagpie · 15/07/2015 22:04

Give her the most raggedy, old, frayed, bobbly ones. She won't ask again!

hibbledibble · 15/07/2015 23:28

To avoid any awkwardness I would just give a few items. I can't see the conundrum tbh: you said you have loads of clothes, don't want to sell them, and arent attached. There will be plenty left to pass on to others. In my experience clothes stored in lofts just get destroyed by moths and damp anyway

MrsHathaway · 15/07/2015 23:34

A friend asked for anything useful for her sister (that is, her niece). With delight a friend and I bagged up all our neutral baby clothes in 0-12m, a Moses basket, bedding, etc. She was delighted and later sent photos through.

But I kept the nicest things for my godson and some is still now in storage for the nephews/nieces we hope will be forthcoming. And yes some has gone to the charity shop.

I love the passing forward of baby things. It gives me a lovely warm feeling whether I'm the giver, recipient or just observer. It feels like an act of sisterhood.

ReginaBlitz · 15/07/2015 23:43

Seriously you are being selfish. I always give baby and kids clothes away to charity etc, I don't sit around while they collect dust IN CASE someone I know gets pregnant! Just give her the clothes Ffs she's obviously in a bit of need if her sis is asking you

pigsDOfly · 15/07/2015 23:44

Yes but the OP isn't saying she wants to keep them to horde. She's hoping to pass them on to people she actually knows well; her own DS and another SIL.

Why is it selfish of her if she did want to keep them for herself? She bought them, they belong to her so she can do what she likes with them. If she wanted to bury them in the garden that would be her choice. She's not obliged to give them to anyone.

Spermysextowel · 15/07/2015 23:56

I've kept some things (mine are now 15 & 17) that had sentimental value eg I knat them myself, or first outfits bought by family, in the hope that they'll be passed down. The rest was in the bobbly baby-gro sphere so if someone wanted them they could have them. I do still understand that you'd like them to go to someone closer. Maybe separate items you wouldn't earmark for others & give her those?

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