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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think most parents of four year old boys worry about this....

60 replies

DunnTrying · 15/07/2015 11:10

Think at various stages That their sons (may well apply to girls as well but I've only experience of boys!!) either are deaf, having hearing issues or are adhd? The inability of my son to sit still for more than 2 seconds or listen to anything I say makes me question this ten times a day!! However whenever I talk to others about this, including teacher friends and gps I'm reassured most parents of 4yr olds think this.

OP posts:

Unappreciated · 15/07/2015 11:12

I believe it is called selective hearing, and they never grow out of it!!

YAsoNBU · 15/07/2015 11:13

Ah yes the old selective hearing trick is one they learn to excel in early. Can't hear mum say the same thing for the 10th time while stood 2 feet away, but someone opens a sweet wrapper in the next room and ...

Seeline · 15/07/2015 11:14

My DS is 13 and I still worry about his hearing! the only thing that reassures me is the way he can hear a crisp packet at 150m, and his ability to refer to conversations DH and I have had once he was supposedly in bed asleep The adhd issues seemed to vanish in about Y4, now a crane or electric cattle prod would be useful in trying to get him to shift off his backside

TattyDevine · 15/07/2015 11:15

If they can hear a biscuit tin opening from 3 rooms away, then you know they are fine

BeyondTheWall · 15/07/2015 11:16

I dunno. I have had ds1s hearing checked (4.9), but we do have asd/adhd concerns in other areas. To have them written off as "most four year olds do this" by school/doctors is unhelpful

Shouldof · 15/07/2015 11:16

Certainly had that with my son at pretty much exactly that age. Couldn't sit still, needed a special space in carpet time where he didn't distract others and a squeeze ball to focus his fidgets, he also had blinking tic and general inability to make his way through a series of instructions, got distracted after step one (if he even managed that)

I worried about adhd, Tourette's and aspergers.

He is 9 now and better but still easily distracted and fidgety, still can't get through a series of instructions, send him off to get his shoes and he spots something on the way and starts playing with it grrrr

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/07/2015 11:18

I once said lightheartedly to the lady doing DD2's routine hearing check that five year old DD1 had selective hearing and never listened to a word I said.

She booked her in for a check up and it turned out that she had something like 50% hearing and needed grommets.

Maybe worth checking out.

ChampagneBabyCakes · 15/07/2015 11:19

Yes, I did worry about ADHD. It's only now at the end of form1 that his teacher finally reported that he'd stopped wriggling around so much! I've noticed a big change at home too- a real sense of maturity and an ability to concentrate that just wasn't there before.

When DS1 was 4 he was crazy wriggly, so he started doing a few sports a week. They haven't been a quick fix, but they have helped and he loves them. He also started a couple of musical instruments to help his concentration which was tricky at the start, but now he's really into it.

You've probably got a couple of years to go before you will relax though. Maybe talk to the teacher /nursery teacher and see if they've noticed anything.

bigkidsdidit · 15/07/2015 11:19

I can't say I have, tbh, with my 4.5yo boy.

TheHormonalHooker · 15/07/2015 11:20

I've got 2 boys (18&20). I've never worried they had ADHD. I think all children have selective hearing at times, tbh. DS2 doesn't hear you ask him to do lots of things, but he can hear from anywhere in the house if anyone's foot goes a millimetre over the threshold of his room!

Spartans · 15/07/2015 11:23

I have a 4 year old ds and the OP describes my ds perfectly.
I do have moments where I worry about it being more.

But he starting to be able to sit for longer and listen.

The selective hearing? Both ds and 11 year old dd have this. That has never got better

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 15/07/2015 11:23

No, I haven't, and i think people in general need to stop trying to pathologise completely normal behaviour. Proper diagnosis from an expert is one thing, but far too many people stick amateur and stupid labels onto typical children.

lagirafe · 15/07/2015 11:24

I worried so much about PFB I had him undergo all sorts of testing by professionals / paediatricians turns out he was just a typical 3/4 year old boy! He's a delightful 7 year old now though still has selective hearing sometimes!
DS2 is still very firmly in the 4 year old boy category and I just persevere as I know it will pass..... Eventually!

Original poster

DunnTrying · 15/07/2015 11:25

Thats absolutely spot on!! I feel my son has turned into this over excitable, exuberant puppy with endless boundless energy and the ability to ignore 99.9% of what I say!!

OP posts:

SomethingFunny · 15/07/2015 11:27

Yes to the hearing, although it can be very good if it is crisps!

No to the ADHD.

I do worry that he is odd though - he walks home talking to himself and doing odd hand things. I asked his teacher about that and his immaturity. She looked at me as if I was mad and said he was fine!

Problems come when you try comparing 4 year old boys to 4 year old girls (mostly, there are some that don't fit this pattern). Girls sitting quietly colouring in and boys hairing around the room. Girls are also far more mature than boys of the same age!!

Spartans · 15/07/2015 11:28

Winter keep your knickers on.

When it comes to kids the one thing I have learned is that there is not 'normal' all kids are different. I am not going to apologise for worrying on occasion, when ds is having a full on melt down.

Do you get shitty with people who think their kids might have flu, but it's just cold?

Parents sometimes worry. Sometimes they are wrong and sometimes they are right

SewingAndCakes · 15/07/2015 11:28

My older two boys were both busy, wriggly, distractable and selectively deaf at 4. Ds1 has ADHD and ASD (diagnosed at 9), ds2 hasn't (but I think he may have some focus/concentration problems; he's just turned 8 and the school are keeping an eye on it). Ds3 has just turned 3 and is, like the other two were, a wriggly, shouty, cuddly, busy ball of fun!

PQ77 · 15/07/2015 11:30

Yes and turns out he has permanent deafness and now wears hearing aids. Had passed his new born hearing test. I presented to the GP as "I think he has selective hearing but..." Do get it checked out. We had no family history of childhood hearing loss.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 15/07/2015 11:30

Unfortunately those of us who have children that actually do have ADHD or other SNs routinely get fobbed off by many which only delays diagnosis and support. Even more unhelpful is to try to explain their SNs to a friend or other mum and have them dismiss it airily by saying that all four year olds are like that.

Threeboysandus · 15/07/2015 11:35

Yes I have three boys and they are all the same :) full of fun, energy and excitement. They rarely listen when I'm askin them to stop something but would hear me whisper if I'm offering food :)

Faffette · 15/07/2015 11:35

Yet more gender reinforcing. My girls have selective hearing too. And they shout. And they are wriggly.

AmysTiara · 15/07/2015 11:37

No I've got two boys and ive never thought they were deaf or had ADHD. Odd comment to make imo

DrDre · 15/07/2015 11:37

My daughter is the one on our family who can't sit still. She's always fidgeting around.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 15/07/2015 11:39

Knickers on thanks...no I get shitty with parents who drone on about the imaginary things that could be wrong with their delightfully average children when some of us have to deal with very real problems our children actually have.
I get shitty having to wait a year and a half for speech therapy for a child who can't talk at all because the system is clogged up with people insisting on referrals their same aged child they think has a lisp and so on.

If you truly think your child has an issue, seek professional help. If you're not going to, shut up about adhd because your kid is a bit fidgety.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 15/07/2015 11:40

And yy to the boys comment, gender stereotyping bollocks.

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