To think that organising a surprise party is actually quite self-centred?

[FurtherSupport]

It means that the party "recipient" gets no say at all in how their own party is organised, misses all the build up and doesn't get to look forward to it, or even plan their outfit!

While the organiser gets to have everything their own way and to be centre of attention through the whole thing.

Because I think to have such a negative and dark opinion of other people's motives when they are doing something nice for someone else is a bit sad evans. Is that OK?

YANBU. I don't see how a party is improved by being a surprise. As well as all the good points that have been made about guests and outfits etc, I think it's cruel to make someone think nothing much is happening for their birthday just because you want to manage the 'surprise' moment. My mother organised one for my father's 50th, many years ago, and he spent the day feeling really glum that all his suggestions about how to celebrate had apparently been ignored - all so he could be surprised in the evening. V odd way of going about things. He wouldn't have enjoyed the party less if he'd known it was coming.

And they can go horribly, excruciatingly wrong too. Years ago a colleague's DP organised a surprise party for her in their home, and invited lots of her friends, family and workmates. We knew - because she'd told us - that the relationship was shaky. I think he was trying to impress her with his initiative. We all had to hide in their living room and do 'surprise' when they arrived home. But as they walked through the door they were having a really vicious fight, and we could all hear it - she was yelling at him. Horrible and awful, and she was utterly mortified. The party wasn't great - and it was the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Let that be a warning

And I assume the ionoy of telling me off for having a different opinion while at the same time saying it's ok to have different trains of thought was lost on you?

ionoy = irony

I think it depends if you are someone who likes organising things or not. I don't really so a surprise party would suit me well.

I hate the idea of surprise parties.

Every TV show I've ever seen where they throw a surprise party, all the participants pretend they've forgotten the occasion they're celebrating, so the birthday boy or girl spends all day feeling unappreciated and eventually goes off in a huff and has to be fetched back under some ruse, so everyone can yell "SURPRISE!!" and they realise they're loved after all.

I can't understand why making someone feel shit for most of their birthday and then jumping out at them with balloons and party poppers is supposed to be a nice thing to do.

Bit dark and negative!

Just don't try to impose your views upon someone who will not be happy. Don't organise a party for someone who will clearly not enjoy it. Save your organisational skills for someone who will really appreciate it and enjoy the occasion.

I don't see the point in planning a surprise party in order to make someone feel unhappy, just because that's you want to do. Regardless of how the recipient will feel.

As I have said previously (lost count of times now) SOME people like this - OTHERS do not. Don't try to impose your view on those who will not enjoy it.
Is that okay?

Depends on the person whose special day it is and the person who is organising.

[fence]

My view would be

This person prganised a surprise party for me because they believed it to be a nice thing that I would enjoy

not

This person prganised a surprise party for me because they are a meglomanic who wanted to upset me and cause me to be unhappy and nt enjoy my party

And do give over with the PA smiley evans

Please excuse the even more than usualtypos. I'm typing one handed with my right hand in a sling

I would LOVE a surprise party thrown for me!

My view would be:
If this person knew and loved me AT ALL - they would know I would not appreciate a 'Surprise' Party. So anyone organising such a thing for my enjoyment would not be a friend at all.

(Sorry - is there a limit for emoticons? What are they there for if not to use)

Just off to eat my lunch now

I agree with you OP :)

I know what you mean - though I do agree it's quite a negative way of looking at it

I had a surprise party thrown for me two weeks after moving into a new house, whilst heavily pregnant.

We didn't even have enough chairs for everyone to sit on. I certainly hadn't unpacked enough plates!

It was a lovely thought from the person who organised it, but it did make me laugh when they said at the end "God, having a dozen people turn up out of the blue when I'd just moved into my new house would be my idea of a nightmare!"

You think?

I'd never thought of it that way before. However, I can think of a couple of friends of friends who enjoy organising things far more than the recipient would enjoy a surprise party. These particular individuals only participate in events if they're in charge, and tend to slag off proceedings if they're not at the centre, or muscle their way in. So if it's done with the feelings of the recipient in mind then it's a nice idea. I don't agree with making someone feel like they've been ignored all day just for the sake of shouting 'surprise'.

No limit on number. Just putting a smiley after something snippy to make it look friendly really grips my shit

I'm not sure if I'd like suprise party or not. Not something I've ever thought about. So I have no idea how a friend would know if I would like one or not.

But if a friend or realtive organised one, even if I hated it, I would assume they had done it from a good place, not because they are an egomaniac who wants to upset me. Because that wold be a rather dark way of looking at it.

"Gosh Op you sound very negative. Are you OK?"

Are we allowed nominate a 'silliest post on the thread'?

Yes, you start.

or

That's a really sad and negative way to look at something nice!

I'm not a lover of surprise parties but just last week my DP surprised me with a baby shower. I didn't have one with my first and hadn't really mentioned having one but have attended a few for friends recently so he obviously thought it might be nice!

I was genuinely not expecting it and I can assure you that he had no vested interest in making things 'his way' he just sorted a venue, invites and then asked friends and family to help think of some silly party games.

He arranged a cake, some food and even drinks served in repurposed baby bottles. He then proceeded to take our son and left us to it!

I honestly can't think of a single selfish reason that could be applied to his efforts apart from getting to eat all the leftovers

He came up with an elaborate fib about going out so I made the effort in getting dressed nicely as well so I didn't feel underdressed or out of place.

I've arranged parties for people in the past and have always taken great consideration to factor in their likes and dislikes so that the party is tailored to them too. I honestly can't see your view on this at all unless there is a back story that involves over controlling party planners!

I had one for a big birthday and I hated it.
Loads of people I would have liked to be there weren't because H didn't know them well (including family). I didn't get the chance to buy a new outfit or get my hair done, so I felt like crap. It was a BBQ which I hate (I'm a veggie).
And it was at home so I had to spend the evening 'hosting' everyone and the next day cleaning up.

It was really the party for him on my birthday. I really wanted to go away for a long weekend to barcelona without DCs.

My friends all think it was such a lovely thing for him to have done. glad to see there are other people here who don't.

I agree it depends on the person. My bil is an arrogant, controlling prick. He decided to arrange a surprise party for her. PIL told him it was a bad idea, she wouldn't like it at all etc but he was on an ego trip and was revelling in his " I'm such a great husband " delusion.

Party day arrives and sil has the rictus grin and horrified eyes. But because she is a bit of a sap she insisted she loved every second of it to spare her husbands feelings.

Dh and I have agreed never ever to arrange a surprise party!