Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think that organising a surprise party is actually quite self-centred?

106 replies

FurtherSupport · 15/07/2015 08:41

It means that the party "recipient" gets no say at all in how their own party is organised, misses all the build up and doesn't get to look forward to it, or even plan their outfit!

While the organiser gets to have everything their own way and to be centre of attention through the whole thing.

OP posts:

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 11:11

I have approached several significant birthdays, and have been absolutely horrified at the thought of a surprise party being organised for me. I begged, pleaded and made DP promise that nothing of the sort was going to happen, by either him or friends. I hate large gatherings, hate being centre of attention at such things. If anyone had organised such an event, I would have cried, not been happy.

Depends on the person, if someone doing the organising knows for certain that the birthday person will enjoy it, then no problem. Just be aware that not everyone does.

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 11:16

No, I don't think it's self centred.

But it's often well meaning but misguided. I know people who've had surprise parties organised for them but they just weren't the kind of parties they'd have chosen. People not invited that they'd like there; people invited that they wouldn't have chosen themselves; style of food that they wouldn't normally offer to guests; etc etc etc.

I think if you're organising a party for someone you need to know them well and understand exactly what type of party they'd like. Organising something you'd enjoy yourself isn't always the best thing to do.

GrouchyKiwi · 15/07/2015 11:17

What if they don't care for that kind of thing, OP? What about people who don't like organising things? What about people who enjoy surprises?

YABU.

bereal7 · 15/07/2015 11:17

Wow there's no pleasing people. My dad and I just threw a small surprise party for my mum this weekend and she was chuffed. She did mention that she would have invited a few more people (damn password - locked phones !!) and she dis go to change her outfit ten mins in......but she was really touched with the effort and had a great night !

I , on the other hand, was stressed nd had to spend the evening with some annoying people . But I guess I'm just selfish.

Original poster

FurtherSupport · 15/07/2015 11:20

That's exactly my point bereal7. You could still have organised it and she would have still have been touched, but if she'd known about it in advance, she could have had the guests she wanted and shopped for exactly the outfit she wanted.

OP posts:

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 11:23

Bereal7 - If your Mum enjoyed it, that's great. You obviously knew she would, so that was a lovely thing to do. For Her.

Some people don't enjoy them - what is difficult to understand about that? I'm pleased if no-one does such a thing - I loathe them. Friends and family doing one for me pleases me immensely.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 11:23

NOT doing one for me

Hoppinggreen · 15/07/2015 11:27

Some people may like it, I know I wouldn't.
We were invited to one last December and I knew the recipient wouldn't like it. Lots of people tried to tell her DH including their children but he wouldn't have it - that had been having some issues and he saw a grand gesture as a way to fix the. The recipient found out and decided it was the last straw and divorced him.
As she said - it was all about his saying " what a great husband I am" rather than actually wanting to do anything nice for her.

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 11:27

Personally I can't imagine anything more horrible than thinking you're having a quiet night at home or a special family meal to celebrate your birthday, and then having 50 friends, neighbours, colleagues and relatives shout 'surprise' at you and realising you're going to be at the centre of a party.
And I would definitely want control of the guest list!

OfaFrenchMind · 15/07/2015 11:32

Wow, MN being bonkers again. Trying to surprise somebody, to make them happy with a party and none of the hassle to plan it is controlling, selfish and wrong now?
You bunch of sad, sad people. Go find another thing to be offended by and to moan about, sad sacks...

LikelyLad · 15/07/2015 11:38

You are being incredibly unreasonable. If this is your attitude when someone is going to all that time and effort to make your day special, I would really pity the person who goes out of their way to annoy you.

MitzyLeFrouf · 15/07/2015 11:38

I agree despite the appearance of selflessly doing something for someone else, it is massively self- serving, egotistical and controlling.

Oh for God's sake, what a load of old cynical claptrap.

If someone hates being the centre of attention it would be unkind to organise a surprise party for them however I would guess that most surprise partries are thrown with good and kind intentions.

MN can be such a bloody negative place.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 11:41

Wow, MN being bonkers again
Why? OfaFrench
If the recipient of such a 'surprise' is not going to be happy with a party, why would this be a good thing to do?
Surely the idea of making someone HAPPY on their birthday or for a special occasion is not to actually make them feel anxious and unhappy?

Your post only reiterates that the organiser is thinking more of him/herself than the person they are trying to 'SURPRISE'.
Again, I say - not everyone likes a huge fuss, so to make someone feel deliberately uncomfortable, if you know they would hate it is, actually - controlling, and trying to impose your views on that person.

Original poster

FurtherSupport · 15/07/2015 11:45

Even people who do like a huge fuss, like to be part of that fuss though.

By all means organise parties for your friends and families but why keep it a surprise? It means you get to have it all the way you want it without any input from them (and who can possible know everyone someone else would choose to have at their party?) and the biggy for me is you deprive them from the best bit - the looking forward to it.

Someone who loves a fuss and a big party would be looking forward to it for weeks, if they knew it was happening. You as the organiser get to do that, but they don't.

OP posts:

MitzyLeFrouf · 15/07/2015 11:47

Your post only reiterates that the organiser is thinking more of him/herself than the person they are trying to 'SURPRISE'.

And implying that everyone who throws a surprise party is just thinking of themselves is also

MitzyLeFrouf · 15/07/2015 11:52

By all means organise parties for your friends and families but why keep it a surprise?

Ummmm, because some people love surprises? Can you really not grasp that different people like different things?

A surprise party wouldn't be for me but lots of people love them.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 11:54

Not so, Mitzy. If someone throws a surprise party for a person they know will love the occasion, is a lovely thing to do. But trying to impose a surprise party for someone they know (or suspect will hate it) is thinking of themselves. Surely?

I haven't implied everyone who throws a surprise party is just thinking of themselves. Just those who are attempting to impose their party views on people who don't like parties and fuss.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 11:57

Mitzy - if you read my post (second on the thread) you will see that I said just the same. Thanks

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 15/07/2015 11:57

What if they don't care for that kind of thing, OP? What about people who don't like organising things?

My sister and I organised a silver wedding anniversary for my mum this year, we paid for it and did all the leg work (mum would never have thrown herself one)

but it wasn't a suprise, she did the guest lists, and had final say on the venue (she didn't like our original plan thank goodness it wasn't a suprise).
so she had very little effort and no expense but really enjoyed it as it was to her taste.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 15/07/2015 11:59

If I knew about a party in advance, I'd have worked myself up into a complete nervous wreck and would be totally stressed by the time it started. I'd love a surprise party to be thrown for me.

BarbarianMum · 15/07/2015 12:00

Yes because after 12 years of marriage I have no idea what dh likes to eat, drink or listen to, and not a clue who his friends are.

Yokohamajojo · 15/07/2015 12:00

I think I would quite like a surprise party, my husband on the other hand would absolutely hate it! but I can agree with you TS, you really have to know the person well to be able to pull it off as it can go horribly wrong....

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 12:00

No, sorry Not second on the thread at all. Just second on the page I happened to be reading. It's about 25-30 on the thread (I don't know). I said it somewhere

BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2015 12:01

Gosh Op you sound very negative. Are you OK?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 15/07/2015 12:04

BitOutofPractice - stop being so silly. Of course she's okay. Why does everyone who has one train of thought automatically think that anyone not agreeing with them is 'not okay'?

Bizarre.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5