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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel offended about having my regional accent mimicked at work?

116 replies

Ballet123 · 12/07/2015 11:04

I've NCd for this as hope to not be identified. Will also change a few details for the same reason.

Basically, a couple of years ago, one woman at work began mimicking my regional accent in front of me. (Obviously it's from a different region from where I'm currently working, though same country). She has continued to do so, and only does it when there is at least one other person with us, not just her and me. She usually has a conversation with the other person, in my presence, using my accent. A couple of othe people have recently started replying to her using my accent too.

I'm not sure if I'm being very over sensitive (hence why posting on here), but I actually find it quite offensive and am sick of it. I just wouldn't do it to someone else, regardless of whatever the accent was.

I suspect she thinks that I haven't realised she's doing it and thinks she's making fun of me 'behind my back' because I've never mentioned it or acknowledged it. I know it's partly my fault for letting it continue, but I hate confrontation and also I don't know if it would sound petty to ask her to stop doing it. But, honestly, it's starting to get me a bit down and self conscious of soaking at work.

What do you think I should do, and AIBU?

OP posts:
Namechangenell · 12/07/2015 12:08

I had this as a northerner working in London. I think I said something along the lines of 'you're all laughing now, but you wouldn't last two minutes on a night out in X'... Stupidly, the colleagues who were 'bantering' with me didn't seem to be being vindictive, though their behaviour could have been interpreted like that. I think they genuinely found me a curiosity (maybe they'd never been outside the M25?!). Interestingly, having worked in the north too, I have never seen northern colleagues make fun of southerners in the same way.

Spottypjs1 · 12/07/2015 12:11

Next time you think she is mimicking you, ask, "are you trying to mimic my accent, not sure as it sounds a bit Liverpudlian" or whatever is a similar accent. If she says no, then at least you have indicated that her effort at your accent is rubbish and secondly I would say, "oh good, because it would be really offensive if you were"

If she admits it then you will know that you are right and you can then confront her and tell her to stop.

HagOtheNorth · 12/07/2015 12:18

'Interestingly, having worked in the north too, I have never seen northern colleagues make fun of southerners in the same way.'

Really? I worked in the NW for almost a decade, and it happened a lot.
More tp DH than me, because I'm good at blending in and changing my speech patterns to fit the current location and people.
DH only had one accent, Oxbridge and perfect grammar. Many in Greater Manchester seemed to despise him on first hearing. Fortunately, he didn't notice. My deputy head used to hang up on him if he rang.Others assumed he was rich and patronising, based entirely on the prejudices they had about southerners.
I get a bit fed up of the 'Oh, it would never happen Up North' tykes. My parents are northern, and stupid prejudice happens everywhere.
Oh, YANBU OP.

SmashleyHop · 12/07/2015 12:21

My sympathies OP- I get this all the time. Being from the states my accent sticks out like a sore thumb. I can't even order a water at a shop without people repeating it back to me in an awful American accent. Once a shop owner actually told me "You live in England now love- time to start speaking correctly." Hmm

Stick up for yourself. If it bothers you, tell her it does. Or go with what others have said and mock her accent too. I would do this but I can't do accents for shit. Good luck.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 12/07/2015 12:23

I get this at work but in a really nice, funny way. In my case, it's affectionate teasing. In fact when I've tried to do their accent back, they are very much entertained. Win, win.

It's fine if everyone's happy, you're not, you feel singled out for negative attention based on your accent, that's not okay. I don't like confrontation either, I'm a soft arse, but I also have a kid. Ages ago a guy at work who has no social awareness carried on an already awkward joke (at my expense) past its expiry until I turned to him and became my mummy self, which was to say:

'I know you find this funny and it has gone on for a long time now, but I really don't like it. I want you to stop it now, please.'

Like I say, I was in mummy mode, I was using the sort of communication style I use with my toddler (not patronising or baby talk, but with eye contact, very clear and direct, telling her exactly what needs to happen next, normally with a why.)

Another good internal dialogue to have when facing confrontation when you know you're not being unreasonable is a little one I tell myself, which so:

Never apologise, never explain.

You can just ask her to stop doing this, just be simple, straightforward and direct. Her reaction is irrelevant unless it escalates, at which point you bring in HR.

LassUnparalleled · 12/07/2015 12:25

It is bullying. I would keep it simple. The next time she does it a straight "Why are you trying to mimic my accent?"

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/07/2015 12:28

Smash. That is awful behaviour from that shop owner. I'd have made a show of him/her by going to the local paper. I hope you never went back there.

Madamacadamia · 12/07/2015 12:32

Southerners in the North get mocked as well. A neighbour of mine moved back down south because of it - at least that was the reason he gave. I get stick from my own family, as the only one with higher education - and a supposedly 'posh' way of talking.

It depends how people do it - it could be affectionate teasing, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then it's potentially bullying.

ScarlettDarling · 12/07/2015 12:33

Yanbu to hate this, but I wonder if I'm guilty of doing this! Blush

I love accents and when with friends and family, we all often talk in different, randomly selected accents...Irish, Yorkshire, cockney, Liverpudlian...whatever takes our fancy. Likewise, If I'm speaking to someone with a different accent, I have sometimes found myself lapsing into their accent completely accidentally.

I would be mortified if anyone was hurt or upset by this, that's definitely never my intention. Quite honestly the accents just seem to slip out! However, I wouldn't do what your colleague does, and have conversations infront of you using your distinctive accent.

I think you just need to ask her to stop doing this. Tell her it makes you feel a bit self conscious. If she continues, then I'd take it higher. You're entitled not to feel self conscious about your accent at work and it needs to stop.

tocmrpouce · 12/07/2015 12:34

I get this at work because I work abroad and speak the local language. People think they're being funny. I'd never dream of doing it to colleagues when we speak jn English - and their accents in English are hell of a lot stronger than mine. I told them it was annoying and did a lot of eye rolling/hard stares when they did do it - they realised they were being silly and stopped.

Yanbu op. Say something to this woman - she is being offensive and rude but possibly just thinks she's being funny Hmm.

CaptainSwan · 12/07/2015 12:42

Why don't you try being 'confused' rather than offended- it might help in not being so confrontational.

Just sort of look a bit confused, and laugh a bit then ask 'er, are you trying to do my accent...?' you can always back it up with a baffled 'that's really weird...'

BrowersBlues · 12/07/2015 12:48

I would feel exactly the same as you do OP. I would go for the direct route. You want it to stop and I don't think smart remarks are doing to make it stop.

I recommend that you ask her if she has a minute and tell her that it offends you when she mimics your accent and say you would like her to stop.

From what you say she sounds reasonable and decent enough. She probably hasn't a clue that she is hurting you and probably thinks it is a bit of a laugh.

My DD is great at accents and does this a lot. She thinks it is hilarious and does it as a compliment to her friends. I must have a word with her on the quiet.

OTheHugeManatee · 12/07/2015 12:51

Next time she does it you have to tell her, in a matter of fact way, 'Can you stop imitating my accent please, I find it rude and inappropriate.' If she continues after that escalate it to a manager and ask for a meeting as it's bullying.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 12/07/2015 12:56

Rude and annoying. I had this in a previous job, I have what people call a "posh" accent, combined with quite a high voice - it seems to make me "fair game". I really don't mind when people do it "affectionately" but it's obvious when people are just taking the piss, and it can be upsetting. i still remember the "pronunciation of garage incident", where I (unprofessionally but effectively) lost my temper and told them how pissed off I was. It did stop after that.

I wouldn't recommend losing your temper Smile but I do think you should mention it to her yourself in the first instance. "Are you aware you are mimicking my accent, or are you doing it unconsciously? Regardless, can you stop it, as I find it incredibly rude". This way you are giving her an "out" but making it clear you are aware and it must stop. If she doesn't, escalate it to your manager as the bullying it is, and let them handle it officially.

Littleen · 12/07/2015 12:56

I can't believe this kind of behaviour amongst adults :o I am sorry, but it just sounds so stupid! I think you have had alot of good advice here, I'm too baffled to say anything useful O..o

Littleen · 12/07/2015 12:57

No idea where that smiley came from!

SmashleyHop · 12/07/2015 13:01

Thanks Ilive TBH most of the time I let it roll off my back. That was the first time I actually was taken aback by someone regarding my accent. Anyways... We were on holiday in Somerset. I doubt I will ever go into that shop again.

My husband is the worst for putting on accents. So I understand some people are just drawn to them and are well meaning with it. However, if it's the same woman and it really bothers you, you should say something. When it's all the time it really can get you down and make you feel like an outsider.

AngelinaCongleton · 12/07/2015 13:04

No its not racism, but when you had a lifetime of certain folk implying that, for example, a scottish accent is inferior, it does make you fed up. Tends to be done by people who haven't ventured further than their own city. I'd just say, i know you dont mean to annoy me but I'm fed up of it, please stop.

DoesItReallyMatter · 12/07/2015 13:12

Don't ask her why or try any PA or 'witty' comments just tell her to stop.

I've noticed that you mimic my accent when there are other people about. I really don't like it. Please can you stop doing it. Thank you

pigsDOfly · 12/07/2015 13:27

Talking to someone about something that annoys you doesn't have to be confrontational OP. You're entitled to voice you're feelings and don't back down when she tries to minimise it.

I wouldn't talk to her in front of others. Take her aside and tell her you don't like her mimicking your accent, that it wasn't funny the first time she did it and now it's just becoming childish and tedious, or something similar and then walk away.

Don't make any funny or smart remarks because that brings you down to her level and you don't want that.

If she doesn't realise she'd doing it, which I doubt, she'll be mortified and apologetic, if she's doing it on purpose, she's going to look really stupid if she goes on doing it, and if she does, then you take it further and report her.

I used to be like you, hated saying anything to anyone that might cause bad feeling but as I've got older I've found that it can feel very empowering to speak out sometimes.

If you're nervous about what to say, try it out first in front of a mirror at home.

BrowersBlues · 12/07/2015 13:36

You could also try role playing how the conversation might go with a friend. Sounds odd but it really works. Another thing that works is to pretend to be someone you admire who would have no problem being direct. Pretend you are that person and just walk up to her and say what you think the person you admire would say.

If she puts up any barriers e.g. oh it's just a bit of fun etc. just say 'I have asked you to stop' and walk away.

coolwetgrass · 12/07/2015 14:03

I've lost count of the times my accent has been mocked since I moved to London. I even went on a training course last year, and both other staff members and the trainer were copying my accent.

It really does stagger me that people think it's OK. On the occasions where I have objected I usually get the response that they "love my accent" That may well be the case, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing.

Mutt · 12/07/2015 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 12/07/2015 14:35

I get this OP. The irony is that I have a strong se London accent and live and work in London. Often the only Londoner in any situation, people think it a makes me fair game. And when I was at uni it was always northerners who mocked my accent.

LassUnparalleled · 12/07/2015 14:45

Don't ask her why or try any PA or 'witty' comments just tell her to stop

I absolutely second that. You will wrong foot yourself if you raise this in a way that allows her to think she's being got at (even if she deserves it )

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