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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this massively crosses a line?

106 replies

frackers · 12/07/2015 09:14

Ok, so I have issues with the person involved in this so I need to get some opinions on whether I am overreacting because it is her or whether I have a genuine reason to feel pissed off.

Dh and I have two young kids (4 & 1) so hardly ever go out. We had an evening invite for a wedding last night and sil (dh's sister) very kindly agreed to look after the kids at our house for us so we could go. I should point out that all my side of the family were going as well so couldn't babysit.

Came home about 1am to find that sil has deep cleaned the majority of the house. I felt a little bit weird about this but it's what she said afterwards that has left me fuming. She said " I cleaned the bathroom for you. God it was disgusting, God knows when it was cleaned last." I was gobsmacked and didn't know how to react so kept my mouth shut.

Now, I need to say that, no, my house is not kept to showroom standards like sil keeps hers. I have two young kids and am naturally quite messy. I just don't feel the need to keep it to such high standards. However it is not a pig sty by any means, it is just kept to regular standards and is in the same sort of state as everyone else's house I know. Apart from sil obviously. And the bathroom is clean and tidy, I cleaned it yesterday ffs.

She then went on to say that she worked up such a sweat that she went searching through my stuff to find my deodorant! Wtf, she actually went into my bedroom and rummaged through my things! Please tell me I'm not going insane and this really is a massive invasion of privacy!

I've not said anything to dh yet, as I wanted to get a feel from the mn jury first. I am very grateful she agreed to babysit, but the more I think about it the more I can feel my blood boiling.

So aibu?

OP posts:
Crosbybeach · 12/07/2015 09:41

My MIL did this when cat sitting once, no rummaging though. I was for a moment a little pissed off, but then thought, ace, clean house.

Bullshitbingo · 12/07/2015 09:41

fairyfuckwings
I'd do exactly the same as you so am obviously a massive twat too Grin

RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 09:44

Twowrongs

lolll My Mother cannot sit still either , even if visiting myself or sister, she finds something to do .

swimmerforlife · 12/07/2015 09:44

OP Yanbu, maybe she thought she was helping by cleaning the bathroom but it came across the wrong way. I would be grateful for anyone to clean mine Grin

She definitely crossed the line by trying to use your deodorant (yuck!).

I would just thank her, and put it behind you. I wouldn't bother mentioning it, unless you want a family fall out etc.

TickledOnion · 12/07/2015 09:46

Yanbu but you need to use thus to your advantage. Next time she babysits you should mention that you haven't had a chance to clean the kitchen and bathroom so would she mind doing it as she did such a good job last time.

Losingmyreligion · 12/07/2015 09:47

I would be fuming. The whole thing was totally out of order. You do not clean a relatives house unasked and the deodorant was clearly an excuse to rummage around in your stuff. However, you should have tackled it there and then. It will be harder to go back and say something now.

JulyKit · 12/07/2015 09:47

If she does babysit again, then make sure you place deodorant in a very prominent place, with towels so she can shower before using it, as obviously deodorising onto sweaty skin is really disgusting and surely takes the biscuit for general mingingness.

elderflowergin · 12/07/2015 09:49

I would be insulted by her comments, but to to be honest, if it were me (working f/t, dc and hating housework but liking a clean house) I would ignore the comments and ask her to babysit about once a month, and make a few comments about my skirting boards and leave the steam mop out Grin
If she likes cleaning then she did it for her own satisfaction, and we all have different standards, so just ignore her and don't ask her round again. Unless you have just got back from holiday and have loads of ironing to do Wink

Original poster
frackers · 12/07/2015 09:52

I am not planning on saying anything to her, it wouldn't go down well at all and probably would lead to a big fall out.

She cleaned the kitchen and living room as well but they didn't get called disgusting. She also said that she didn't even attempt the bedrooms and eye-rolled Shock

OP posts:
reni1 · 12/07/2015 09:57

It does cross the line. It also benefits you, invite round weekly, a free cleaner! Cost to you is a few insults by her, surely that's worth the 40-50 quid a cleaner would charge for 4 hours of service?

littlejohnnydory · 12/07/2015 09:58

She's out of order. But she's welcome here any time!

ltk · 12/07/2015 09:59

Go round to her house and mess it up. Tell her it felt unnervingly clinical and you just couldn't stand it.

TeamEponine · 12/07/2015 10:04

I must confess that I have done a mega clean before when babysitting for my nephew, but I never even mentioned I had done it to my SIL, just left the place immaculate. I certainly wouldn't have rummaged through her stuff! That's intrusive.

junebirthdaygirl · 12/07/2015 10:05

She is totally out of line but see it as her stuff. She hasn't a clue about what right behaviour is. We were going abroad on holidays and l invited a friend in another part of the country to stay in our house and have a break in our area. She never gets a break. When we returned the whole house was deep cleaned. She did it every night when her kids were in bed. She said she was so grateful for the break so no nasty comments. Initially l was mortified but that cleaning kept me going for a good while. So cleaning maybe ok but comments show her true character.Horrible!

londonrach · 12/07/2015 10:09

What time is your sil free please for my flat.

Seriously im not sure depends on how well you know your sil. If it was my sis id be over the moon to come back to clean house etc.

Mia1415 · 12/07/2015 10:09

YANBU I would be absolutely fuming!!!!

Bakeoffcake · 12/07/2015 10:13

Who tells someone their bathroom is "disgusting"? She's a rude idiot who clearly has no boundaries.

Take it a s a warning, try to keep your distance and never leave her alone in your house again.

YeOldTrout · 12/07/2015 10:21

Does she bring her own cleaning supplies...

Does she have a thing for cleaning, I mean like OCD?

To be honest I'd consider it a fair trade if someone was willing for free? to competently look after my small kids & clean my house, to put up with a single unnecessarily critical comment and know she had ferreted a bit intrusively, too then again my bathroom is minging so would hardly be unfair comment

merrymouse · 12/07/2015 10:27

Really weird.

I can just about understand being at a loose end and doing some cleaning if you enjoy cleaning. (And then being a bit embarrassed about it).

However, complaining about the state of your house and looking for deodorant is very strange.

TRexingInAsda · 12/07/2015 10:35

She knows she crossed the line, that's why she felt the need to justify it with the 'disgusting' comment and the needing to rummage for deodorant (bollocks). Why was she telling you how dirty the house was and not your dh - are you the cleaner, or just one of two responsible adults living in the house?! Avoid having her in the house in future - I think I'd rather not have gone to the wedding. No hang on, she did a few hours free cleaning, so that's pretty awesome.

cansu · 12/07/2015 10:41

to save your sanity and make her feel a bit of an arse I would send her a little card saying 'thank you so much for doing the cleaning as well, but we are a little concerned that you are becoming obsessive - perhaps a visit to the GP to check that all is well would be a good idea?? xx'

CarlaJones · 12/07/2015 10:52

Good idea cansu

PecanThief · 12/07/2015 10:58

She's rude but I wouldn't care if it meant someone else had deep-cleaned my bathroom. I have no pride though.

ReginaBlitz · 12/07/2015 10:58

So she babysat, cleaned your shit hole bathroom and your complaining?

houseofstark · 12/07/2015 11:09

I don't think the cleaning itself would bother me but the rummaging would. Also, she sounds like the kind of person who will tell the rest of the family how she cleaned your 'disgusting' bathroom. That would bother me!