Lesbian Auntie Wedding

[Janeymoo50]

ok....so I have you're attention probably. I am gay. 50 years old. Female. I finally met the love of my life last year, planning wedding for next May. My darling niece has two little girls, I want them to be flower girls........my niece is delighted. How do we "explain" a gay wedding to 5 year olds???

I don't think you have to explain. Small children will either not bat an eyelid or be very blunt and ask what they need to know

My dd has sn and delights in putting people in their place about girls having girlfriend's and boys having boyfriends. Her female cousin is Gay and I used to work in Musical Theatre so lots of my male friends and ex colleagues are gay. Dd wouldn't bat an eyelid.

p.s most small children will only want to know if they can have a party dress and if there Will be cake...

My DCs grew up with 2 uncles in a long term relationship and, to them, it was just normal. They never even saw it as anything to question.

I remember my Mum saying "What will you tell them if A and B come to stay and share a room?" We never said anything and never needed to, they just accepted them as two people who love each other

I don't think it will be a problem to a 5 year old. They don't really 'get' marriage and love at all, I don't think, and certainly don't care who or what sex the people getting married are.

For older children, I think it can still be a strange concept though. I teach in a very conservative area/demographic. We have no children in the entire school (400ish children) with same sex parents and the majority of the children find homosexuality amusing or weird.

My Year 6 class recently wrote and presented persuasive speeches on a topic taken from a list I gave them. One 10 year old girl chose gay marriage and finished with,

'you might think it's weird. You might think it's gross. But the truth is marriage isn't about man and woman, it's about love and love.'

I like that way of putting it for children (the last sentence, not the other two!)

I think a lot of year 6 think any marriage is weird or gross

My 16 year old son already has his outfit picked out for his gay uncle's wedding, and he's not even engaged quite yet. This generation of kids coming up get it, on a fundamental level-it's a beautiful thing to see!

Congratulations.

Love the Elsa dress comment!

Agree with pps. No need to explain a 'gay wedding' . You are getting married, it's a wedding. If she asks, which I don't think she will, just say 'any 2 people who love eachother very much can get married'.

I also agree with pp says we should drop the term gay marriage. It's marriage.

When dd was 7 my hair dresser (also does her hair) announced he was gettin married to his partner, who owns the salon with him. Dd didn't even ask, she just hugged them and said congratulations. Never even asked about it after we left. Total non issue

A 5 year old's concept of marriage is very different to an adult.

5 year olds often think they can marry a parent, their best friend and the dog, all at the same time.

Have a fabulous time and pleas have flower girls in Elsa dresses

Oh yes they will want to know if there's cake.

DS was horrified when SIL's cake was made entirely of different cheeses. He stood there like a mini Peter Kay, gasping "cheese... cake..." in absolute disgust. He calmed down when there were other cake options brought out but he gave this massive cheese cake the side eye for at least an hour. I can't believe a child from my body dislikes cheese quite so much.

He'd love the wings though! DD wouldn't and would still insist upon either an Iron Man helmet or full ninja turtle gear. She'd make a weird Prime Minister though as she says herself "anything's better than Cameron".

My two remember the "gay wedding" (seriously, just a wedding) because there was a bouncy castle, an easter egg hunt, a BBQ, giant colouring books and cream teas the next day. I don't think either of them have ever mentioned the fact it was two women. Although, I should mention it was first same sex wedding in that county and the registrar accidentally said "I now pronounce you husband and wife" and thankfully, everybody laughed.

I'm another one who doubts they'll even ask, But If your nieces ask, there are just so many ways you can spin it.

"Yes that was the old-fashioned way, but then some people figured out that more people should get the chance to get married, it wasn't fair to stop people being happy." etc.

Nothing to explain. Don't apologise for your happiness!

Yabvvvu. Let them wear the Elsa dresses.

What with the windmill and all it sounds divine. All the very best to you both

Why are you explaining it? I didn't feel the need to explain to my nieces when I married my husband, and I didn't feel the need to explain when I was bridesmaid at a lesbian wedding
Just enjoy it x

Same way you'd explain any wedding.

saul my Dd was the same at the wedding of a friend a couple of years ago.
" it's not a cheesecake, it's a cake made of cheese???"
" so it's actually made. Of. Cheese"
" they've taken actual cheese and made it look like a cake"
All accompanied by a bemused/pitying expression as if there had been a terrible catering error!!!!

Congrats OP and have a lovely day x

OP, congrats!

And SaulGood, your kids are awesome!

Congratulations!

As others have said, your nieces will be thrilled and your day sounds fab! Be as excited as you like.

Op think its your age (am 50 as well ) - The kids are cool with it :)

Oh and saul LOLing at your DS and the cheese wedding cake. I would be EXACTLY the same

I doubt they will ask ...aa others have said.

I suspect they will just enjoy the day. If they do ask then it's simply a case of saying that everyone loves someone different.

Congratulatuons though. Have an amazing day xxx

Congratulations!

It all sounds awesome. And I love the idea of fairy wings

I hope it all goes well.

I agree you don't need any special explanation, if they haven't been to a wedding you could talk them through the day and what flower girl "duties" are ?posing for photos and smiling?

They'll be fine.

When I asked my (nearly 6 year old) niece to be my flower girl it was just after the Royal Wedding.

The conversation went (on the phone, on her walk to school with her mum*):

Me: DN, and I are getting married. Would you like to be our flower girl?

DN: Will I wear a princess dress?

Me: Yes.
DN: Can I wear fairy wings?
Me: Yes, if you want to [for I am an excellent aunty - she didn't in the end, though]
DN: Will I get a day off school for it?
Me:No, it's on a Saturday.
DN: Will it be on TV? With a kiss on a balcony?
Me: No. But there will be photographs.

DN: But why won't it be on TV? You should be on TV.
Me: I know. But it won't. There'll be cake and pop and music to dance to and will be there.

DN: Oh, OK then. But only if I can have a beautiful princess dress.
Me: DN you will absolutely have a beautiful princess dress.

*I had previously checked with her mum that it would be OK, so she wasn't totally blindsided by this.

When I was little, I asked my DUncle if he was getting married (there was a spate of weddings in the family). He said no. I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said no, and then "talk to your mum". I did. She said that DUncle didn't like girls, he liked boys, and that that was OK (this was the early 80s).

I went back to see DUncle the next week and said "I know you don't like kissing girls, you like kissing boys. Do you have a boyfriend. Is your boyfriend?" and that was it. All over and done with, and I got a Rubiks Ball for being "cool".

I can't see a 5 year old having any problem with this at all.

Love the idea of wings! Is there going to be lots of glitter too? :)

Congratulations, by the way.