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AIBU?

Lesbian Auntie Wedding

79 replies

Janeymoo50 · 11/07/2015 22:27

ok....so I have you're attention probably. I am gay. 50 years old. Female. I finally met the love of my life last year, planning wedding for next May. My darling niece has two little girls, I want them to be flower girls........my niece is delighted. How do we "explain" a gay wedding to 5 year olds???

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SaulGood · 11/07/2015 22:58

My dd was flower girl and ds a page boy for their aunt last year. She was marrying her now wife.

Funnily enough we never needed to explain the wedding thing. We did need to explain why:

2yo ds was not allowed to carry a sword down the aisle
7yo dd probably wouldn't be allowed to wear her Iron Man helmet
The bouncy castle was for after the ceremony, not during

I shouldn't imagine a 5yo would bat an eyelid. Presumably, they know that their aunt is in a same sex relationship?

Around the time of the wedding, dd went on a school trip to the church (CofE school) to talk about ceremonies. The vicar came out with a load of homophobic guff about same sex marriage being wrong in the eyes of God and dd stood up and told him off. The teacher said she was equal parts formidable and amusing. She was very polite but explained that heterosexuality does not have the monopoly on love. I was extremely proud.

5Foot5 · 11/07/2015 23:00

Congratulations!

Have you read Clare Baldings autobiography? Towards the end of that where she discusses her marriage to Alice Arnold and how much her family like Alice, she mentions that her little nephew asked if ladies could marry men as well!

I suspect your nieces will just take it as normal unless anyone around makes a big deal of it

SocksRock · 11/07/2015 23:00

Was talking to my 7yo this morning and marriage came up. I said "you know men can marry men and women can marry women as well, don't you" she looked at me like I was bonkers to even think it was an issue "umm, duhhhh Mum, if they love each other, they get married don't they?"

Janeymoo50 · 11/07/2015 23:07

Thanks ladies, my partner is fine but I am more bothered cos their my side, so to speak. I just think that planning a "gay wedding" is slightly more tricky.

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Kewcumber · 11/07/2015 23:12

It might be slightly more tricky I suppose (you know your family) - I doubt it will be the 5 year old that will be tricky - I think you're over thinking that one.

Janeymoo50 · 11/07/2015 23:17

Thanks ladies, and yes I am being the auntie that will allow bridesmaids to wear fairy wings too...is 50 too old to be excited!!!

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/07/2015 23:18

Congratulations, Brilliant news. I would just say you're getting married to .. And if she innocently asks. Auntie why are you marrying another lady. Just simply explain. Well like some times a lady and a man fall in love. Well sometimes 2 men or 2 ladies fall in love and want to get married.

SavoyCabbage · 11/07/2015 23:19

i think you are overthinking it too.

There are some great picture books on same sex relationships if you feel that might help.

King and King (wedding based storyline and everything)
Tango makes Three

Congratulations.

MammaTJ · 11/07/2015 23:20

I think we need to lose the term 'gay wedding' and just use 'wedding'.

When I was a kid I may have needed it explaining but my own DC are really quite aware. DS tells me that men and ladies get married, like mummy and daddy might one day, men and men get married and ladies can marry ladies (I may have more male gay couples on my FB than female).

He is 8, I'm really not sure 5 year olds will need explaining to with kids like him just a few years older.

ASettlerOfCatan · 11/07/2015 23:21

I love this so much. Fairy wings? Sounds awesome!!

Backforthis · 11/07/2015 23:21

No such thing as being too old to be excited about getting married. I hope you have a lovely day

MammaTJ · 11/07/2015 23:22

is 50 too old to be excited

You are a very long way from dead, so NO!! Get as excited as you should be!

LilyMayViolet · 11/07/2015 23:25

Congratulations!! I'm also getting married next year to my lovely wife to be and my nieces are going to be flowergirls! They've known my partner all their lives so not quite the same but honestly it's really not hard for children to grasp it at all. Two people love each other and they're going to get married. They will be thrilled! Good luck and have a lovely day!

Kewcumber · 11/07/2015 23:26

I'm 50 and I'd get excited about wearing fairy wings to a wedding - I'll be your bridesmaid

Janeymoo50 · 11/07/2015 23:29

You do know that I am the Windmill bbq bride too !!

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cakedcrusader · 11/07/2015 23:31

Congratulations! I have a 5 year old and several gay friends and it's a complete non issue so I don't think there is any explanation needed. The fairy wings sound awesome enjoy your big day.

molyholy · 11/07/2015 23:34

Congrats. I don't think 5 yr olds will be bothered. They will just be so pleased to be wearing a pretty dress and being part of the big day

Backforthis · 12/07/2015 00:02

Windmill bbq?

PurpleSwift · 12/07/2015 00:06

As everyone else says. If they ask why the answer is because we're in

Backforthis · 12/07/2015 00:16

Cream teas, BBQ and a windmill . That sounds wonderful. You don't need any extra guests do you? I'd even wear fairy wings

Minshu · 12/07/2015 00:25

My DD is 5 and wants to marry me, her Dad, various inanimate objects as her whim dictates (fickle little madam). I've kind of given up explaining that none of these options are possible and now just smile and nod. Children have a very fluid idea of marriage so don't worry about explanations too much. She has a classmate with two mums, which has elicited almost entirely no comment from her. Sounds like you'll have an amazing day

Collaborate · 12/07/2015 00:43

I agree that you don't tell her it's a gay wedding. It's a wedding, pure and simple. It won't need explanation. She's not old enough to be a bigot. She'll be thrilled!

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MadAngryGnome · 12/07/2015 01:05

The whole day sounds lovely. I expect your niece will be delighted to be a flower girl and not give two hoots about whether you are marrying a man or a woman.

Congratulations!

Bellebella · 12/07/2015 01:10

Completely overthinking it, my stepmum's sister is in a long term relationship with a woman and when I was a child, i don't even remember asking questions about it. Children do just accept it as it is.

Congrats!

BagelwithButter · 12/07/2015 01:16

Around the time of the wedding, dd went on a school trip to the church (CofE school) to talk about ceremonies. The vicar came out with a load of homophobic guff about same sex marriage being wrong in the eyes of God and dd stood up and told him off. The teacher said she was equal parts formidable and amusing. She was very polite but explained that heterosexuality does not have the monopoly on love. I was extremely proud.

SaulGood That is wonderful and I hope she becomes Prime Minister when she grows up

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