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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think MIL is being a bit creepy?

110 replies

Abbadoo · 11/07/2015 19:37

So, MIL and I don't get on well. But that's ok as we don't see much of each other.
Now DH has asked me what the perfume I was wearing 7 months ago, last time MIL and I met, as she wants it for her birthday.

I said her wanting to smell like me was a bit weird.

He says I'm being irrational and should take it as a compliment.

Verdict please (have name changed as may show DH the thread)...

OP posts:
OhMittens · 11/07/2015 23:26

Abbadoo you are not being odd. I totally get it!

You don't get on that well. You are her DS's wife. Why would she want to smell just the same? There's hundreds of perfumes out there.

Depending on how manipulative she is, she might well not even care for your perfume, but knows it will piss you off that she is planning to wear your perfume (or make you think she is). If she liked it that much, it's so memorable after 7 months, why didn't she ask you in a friendly way at the time? But no, she's not even asked you directly now, she has asked via your DH which sort of sends the message "I don't want to speak to you directly but I want what you have".

Also, as every woman knows, perfume is often a signature or has meaningful memory connections and if she starts wearing your perfume it won't have the same connections for you or for DH any more, after that. She's treading on your toes and she know it and you know it. Your DH does not want to know it.

Either tell her and move onto another perfume, or tell her the name of a similar smelling perfume and keep your own a secret. Whatever you do, do not moan or pass comment to your DH about it as he has made it clear he is on your MIL's side so it would be bonus for your MIL if you have a row or squabble with DH about it. Just do what you do privately and whinge to your friends or here about it.

Sammasati · 11/07/2015 23:28

Think of the the most horrid shit smelling perfume and let him know that's what you were wearing......simple and evil in one go.

jenenberry · 11/07/2015 23:36

Abbaddo, any chance you could tell US the name of your perfume?

It only becomes a problem when your nearest and dearest hijack your perfume and start wearing it around you.
it wouldn't mater if some of us were to wear the same perfume as you.

So, can tell us?
pretty please Smile

Or send me a pm

DrEdwardNigma · 11/07/2015 23:39

I agree with your husband too.

I would take it as a compliment.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/07/2015 23:41

I'm a yabu, it's a compliment.

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 23:53

It's Cartier Panthere, Jenen. OP mentioned it earlier. It sounds lovely, from the reviews I've read.

OhMittens · 11/07/2015 23:54

Do all the YABU's not mind if anyone they know, whether they like them or not, copies anything about them? (genuine question). Eg if someone you actively don't like asks (via someone else!) where you got your shoes from would you take it as a compliment, really, and fall over yourself to tell them or would you think "sod off, actually". Because if you are keen to tell them, you are all better people than I Grin

Asking after someone's perfume (or other personal item) is usually a compliment on a long-standing framework of pleasantries or niceties, or it's a "building bridges" compliment (which would also be accompanied by other building bridges gestures). As a stand-alone question, in a setting that is not friendly, it's hardly a compliment. What if at the very least MIL just likes the perfume?

jenenberry · 11/07/2015 23:54

Thanks Crystal.
But is it really Cartier Panthere? Wink

OhMittens · 11/07/2015 23:58

Also to add, does none of the YABU's ever get miffed if someone they like copy something they wear/buy? Not even a little bit? If you got, say, a Links bracelet as a special anniversary gift would you be happy if your friend got the exact same one directly after asking about yours? After all, they are widely available.

Redglitter · 11/07/2015 23:58

Can't see anything creepy about that at all. I admired a friends perfume many years ago then bought it cos I love it. 20 years later I still wear it

CrystalHaze · 12/07/2015 00:08

Also to add, does none of the YABU's ever get miffed if someone they like copy something they wear/buy? Not even a little bit?

Genuinely not. If I was in a situation where particular one person repeatedly bought the exact same things as me I'd find it a bit odd, but the occasional item wouldn't bother me at all (and indeed it hasn't, on the few occasions that it has happened).

PavlovaPalaver · 12/07/2015 08:13

I understand where you're coming from OP.

A couple of years ago DH bought me some lovely perfume and I adored it...especially as he had chosen it himself and brought it back after a business trip as a surprise.

A few week later we went to visit MIL and I found out she had (by coincidence) just bought the same perfume!

Now I like my MIL and we get on really well but I couldn't wear it after that. It just seemed so wrong for someone's wife to have the same scent as their mummy.

thegreylady · 12/07/2015 08:22

That wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd have said,"Yes it is lovely" and I'd have bought it for her. However the same perfume doesn't smell the same on everyone so she might want to try a tester and walk around with it for a while to be sure.
I wear 3 different perfumes depending on the occasion but the everyday one makes my adult dd think "Mum" if she smells it on someone else. My dil loved it and I bought some for her, the reverse of op so my ds also has wife and mother smelling the same.

Tooooooohot · 12/07/2015 08:27

Massive overreaction from you I think!

whereismagic · 12/07/2015 08:32

Your poor husband!

woolymum · 12/07/2015 08:35

as long as she doesn't start wearing similar clothes to you you are fine!
tbh, perfumes smell differently on different people anyway

OftheTwilighttheDarkness · 12/07/2015 08:35

I don't think yabu, my Mil ( who I generally quite like) bought the same trainers as me once. There was no way I was going to wear them again.
I have however bought sil a perfume similar to one I wear ( I wear one version of poison and I bought her a different one) so I am obviously inconsistent.

Heck5897 · 12/07/2015 08:37

Yes you are being irrational, it's only a smell

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 08:38

I wouldn't give a shit, if someone wanted the same perfume/ top/ shoes etc.

Bracelets??? Still don't care. If you wnat something unique that you won't ever see (or smell) again. Pay for an exclusive. I had a link of London braclet made for me, I couldn't give a shit if someone wanted the same one.

Besides which this is a mainstream perfume. It hasn't been made for the OP. And she doesn't even see the mil that often.

If my dad wanted to wear the same aftershave as dh I honestly wouldn't give a shit. I am past the age where I snuggle up to dad on the sofa or live with dad. So not going to get them mixed up because they smell similar

heartyrebel · 12/07/2015 08:38

I wouldnt like it. Scent is so personal, it evokes memories of your life. I have worn the same perfume as my best friend, but even smelling her wearing it is strange as it reminds me of me.
I would lie and say it's something else Wink

mrsjskelton · 12/07/2015 08:39

You're overreacting. She's giving you a compliment and probably trying to throw out an olive branch!

Original poster
Abbadoo · 12/07/2015 10:21

I would be more inclined to think it was an olive branch firstly if I didn't know my MIL (the poster who said she knew it would tread on my toes is very probably spot on) and secondly if she had asked me. 'Your perfume is lovely, would you mind if I wore it too' is an olive branch but getting my DH to find out my perfume and then buy it for her isn't.

I'm interested in the split between those who can't see an issue and those who do. Must e something about the way we process scent.

Anyway, I'm all for a quiet life so told DH the scent and will leave it at that.

Thanks all :)

OP posts:
grapejuicerocks · 12/07/2015 10:35

I think you'd have a point about you both wearing the same perfume if you saw her regularly. But twice a year?
You are weird for thinking this might be a problem, whatever her intentions are.

grapejuicerocks · 12/07/2015 10:36

I bet you don't show dh this thread now will you Grin