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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think MIL is being a bit creepy?

110 replies

Abbadoo · 11/07/2015 19:37

So, MIL and I don't get on well. But that's ok as we don't see much of each other.
Now DH has asked me what the perfume I was wearing 7 months ago, last time MIL and I met, as she wants it for her birthday.

I said her wanting to smell like me was a bit weird.

He says I'm being irrational and should take it as a compliment.

Verdict please (have name changed as may show DH the thread)...

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 19:47

She won't smell like you, as perfumes smell different on different people.

I know MN loves to MIL-bash, but FFS the woman thought your perfume smelled nice and would like to buy some for herself. It's hardly 'creepy' Hmm

DarkNavyBlue · 11/07/2015 19:48

I'm with you OP.

Creepy.

Bet you don't show your DH the thread now everyone's said YABU.

ApocalypseThen · 11/07/2015 19:53

I bet there's someone in the world has the same perfume as me which keeps me awake at night with the creeps.

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 19:54

So, MIL and I don't get on well

She has complimented your choice of perfume, you've attributed some sinister, 'creepy' intent to that.

Funny that you don't have the sunniest of relationships ...

NoArmaniNoPunani · 11/07/2015 19:55

I think it's creepy too. I wouldn't want to wear the perfume any more.

Postchildrenpregranny · 11/07/2015 19:57

I think its a bit odd . but as you are rarely together. And it coudbe placatory gesture
I gave DD1 the perfume I had worn for years for her 18th birthday as she loved it.But I then stopped wearing it as it felt a bit strange (took DH ages to catch up though-proudly presented me with some the following Christmas Packaging is very distinctive and he was so pleased he'd remembered I quietly gave it to DD and pointed him to current perfume ..)

DoreenLethal · 11/07/2015 19:58

Just tell her to go to a department store and pick one that smells good on her.

Very creepy.

Glitoris · 11/07/2015 19:58

By the way,what do you mean by 'creepy'?Do you think she wants to smell the same as you so that your husband fancies her?Because that's kind of what you are implying....which actually makes you the creepy one.

molyholy · 11/07/2015 19:59

Yabu. Ridiculous in fact. If she was like swf, copying your clothes/hairstyle etc., that would be odd, but to have liked the smell of a mass produced perfume, to the point of wanting a bottle of it for a gift, not creepy at all.

FarFromAnyRoad · 11/07/2015 19:59

How in the name of all that is merciful is this 'creepy'? If you don't like MIL and never ever want to cooperate in any way or attempt to improve the relationship then have the bloody oomph to stand up and say so but getting all fucking weird over the name of a perfume? Jesus.
Listen. You'll be the MIL one day. You want this shit raining down on your head then? I just bet you don't.

bimandbam · 11/07/2015 20:01

Maybe she wants to buy some for you as a gift? Or maybe your dh does?

notquitegrownup2 · 11/07/2015 20:02

YABU - perfume reacts with your skin so smells a little different on everyone anyway. You don't see much of her - let her smell nice!

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 20:02

i think it's creepy too. I wouldn't want to wear the perfume any more.

Why? What is the 'creepy' element here? DIL and MIL appear to be in the same room at the same time twice a year at most, so they're not going to be wearing the same perfume 'together'.

Is the 'creepy' element a suggestion that MIL is deliberately trying to smell like DIL in order to elicit a particular response from her son?

I totally want to know which perfume it is!

CrystalHaze · 11/07/2015 20:03

By the way,what do you mean by 'creepy'?Do you think she wants to smell the same as you so that your husband fancies her?Because that's kind of what you are implying....which actually makes you the creepy one.

That's what I'm wondering too! Shock

MadHenLady · 11/07/2015 20:06

Of course it isn't creepy. My your logic I want to smell like at least 4 mothers at the school gates, the waitress in my favourite cafe, my granny, DD's playground supervisor, SIL, and goodness knows who else.

I always ask people where their perfume is from- smells lovely on them, but i don't seem to have perfume friendly skin, cos it smells crap on me!

SisterMoonshine · 11/07/2015 20:07

It's not like she's asked for a bottle of Abbadoo.

CookieLady · 11/07/2015 20:08

I kinda get where OP is coming from. My MIL insisted on having the exact handbag that I had, she went out of her way to try to buy clothes from shops I shopped in. Confused

DixieNormas · 11/07/2015 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chickenfuckingpox · 11/07/2015 20:09

i wouldnt want to smell like my mil i would think she has older taste than me so i would be changing my perfume

but then im weird for thinking your nose change as you get older and certain things smell different?

DowntownFunk · 11/07/2015 20:09

When I got together with DH, future MIL's signature scent was a perfume I occasionally wore. She practically bathed in the stuff every day and always smelt very strongly of it. I gave her my supply and didn't wear it again.

I didn't want DH thinking of his DM when with me Grin

I kind of understand what you're saying. Tell him the scent name and stop wearing it yourself for a bit. She likes the perfume, there is no weirdness on her part.

drudgetrudy · 11/07/2015 20:10

Would you feel the same if a friend liked the perfume and wanted it for her birthday?
Would you think it was "creepy"?

BitOfABoost · 11/07/2015 20:11

OP I get where you are coming from. About a year into our marriage DH said as I sprayed on my forever favourite Chanel perfume "Oh, I have just realised what that smell reminds me of - Great Auntie Petra. She used to wear that too"

He said nothing more. I have not worn the same perfume again. For some reason just the thought that when he sniffs me he may occasionally have a bit of a "Great Auntie Petra" moment is just a bit...eurghhh. FWIW Great Auntie Petra was an amazing woman - a lady of the empire slightly terrifying. But smell is one of the most evocative senses. I do not want my DH to have me and Great Auntie Petra in his head at the same time if he is nuzzling my neck.

Likewise, I really like the perfume my sister wears. But I have not bought it as I do not want to smell the same as my sister.

Imagine the OP's DH snuggling in for a cuddle and he gets a whiff of "Mum".

OP, I would probably tell your MIL. But not be able to wear it again myself.

Original poster
Abbadoo · 11/07/2015 20:13

Ok, clearly I am in the wrong here. I will shut up and let him buy it for her.

For those asking what I meant by creepy - no I wasn't thinking incest. Creepy at a much lower level of - perfume is I think quite personal. I would never dream of asking someone I was close to what their perfume was in order to copy it. I often compliment people if I like their scent but would feel weird copying.

But I'm clearly in a tiny minority.

Mumsnet, voice of reason. Who would have known?!

OP posts:
seanbonbon · 11/07/2015 20:15

Not creepy, I'd say it's a compliment (imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!)
Now if she'd rubbed herself up against you like a cat to get some perfume or nicked your bottle - that'd be creepy!

seanbonbon · 11/07/2015 20:16

Xpost - sorry! Maybe she wants to buy you a bottle for your birthday and this is just a ruse? (Optimistic!)Wink