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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry about Social Services?

27 replies

Ghostlife · 10/07/2015 20:38

16 year old son had a meltdown last night. Shouting at me between 1 am and 3 am. Usual teenage rubbish girlfriends, money boundaries. Worried about neighbours calling Social Services and what would happen.

OP posts:

Whichseason · 10/07/2015 20:41

If they were to be come involved they may offer you and your daughter advice and support or sign post you to other services.

It sounds like you could do with some help. Try asking MN to move this to parents so you can get some good advice.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 10/07/2015 20:45

Have you posted about this already

ghostyslovesheep · 10/07/2015 20:49

I thought you'd posted this today?

anyway maybe you should ask for help?

missymayhemsmum · 10/07/2015 21:02

I doubt SS would be interested other than to offer support, but now that your son has calmed down have you spoken to him about your worries about the impact of his behaviour? Ok, he was upset. But now you are upset, anyone else in the house is upset (and exhausted from lack of sleep) and so are the neighbours. 16 year olds are notoriously self involved, but shouting for two hours after midnight is abusive behaviour and unacceptable. It could result in police being called, complaints to environmental health, and if you are a tenant, it could result in you losing the tenancy. I think you should share those possibilities with your son, and maybe he needs to go round and apologise to the neighbours.
This is how 16 year olds end up being kicked out of home.

How did you handle it? People don't generally shout for two hours if they aren't getting a response.

Original poster

Ghostlife · 10/07/2015 21:12

I tried to talk to him calmly so he would stop shouting. It was not continuous shouting but bursts of it.

I just can't have his girlfriend turning up at 5 am along with money issues. The 5 am visit was due that morning and if she was not allowed to come she would finish the relationship with him.

When it comes to his girlfriend's requests I have had enough as she is ruling my life via DS.

No-one else in house to be woken up. Just worried about neighbours being woken up. Although both sides have woken us up quite a bit at weekends.

OP posts:

drudgetrudy · 10/07/2015 21:17

Social Services would not show any interest at all-he is sixteen. Police may feel he was causing a disturbance though.
What would have happened if you had just gone to bed and ignored him?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 10/07/2015 21:49

Do you have younger children?

I only ask as I have been working with a child on a child in need plan due to the 16 year old siblings violent and aggressive outbursts

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/07/2015 22:26

Please do not worry. Yes easier said than done I know but teenagers do have melt downs. If SS were going to take every teenager from their parents every time they had a blazing row. I guarantee there would be no teenagers residing with their parents.

Original poster

Ghostlife · 11/07/2015 06:00

D'S is the youngest child of the house.

I have ignored him before and locked myself in my room for peace but on that occasion he just shouted through the door.

Last night I went to bed early but was woken up late with him asking for his girlfriend to come around again so this is obviously his plan to get his own way. If I had refused there would have been more shouting so I just agreed as I feel the neighbours don't deserve another night of shouting.

He has always been entitled and immature but his girlfriend has brought out even worse behaviour.

OP posts:

Icimoi · 11/07/2015 06:09

Try talking to him today about the need to grow up? And get some earplugs in case he tries the shouting through the door trick again?

cashewnutty · 11/07/2015 08:28

Where i work (as a SW) we would to be interested as he is aged 16 now.

If he is being verbally abusive then you need to call the Police immediately. Sounds like he needs short, sharp, shock (visit from police) to bring him to his senses.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 11/07/2015 08:36

Phone 101 police next time he behaves like that.

Original poster

Ghostlife · 11/07/2015 08:43

Cashewnutty would you mind me asking what aspect you would be interested in?

It is mostly immature why can't I? If I say no with a few rubbish mother type insults I don't feel threatened just worried sick about the volume.

OP posts:

Finallyonboard · 11/07/2015 08:50

Don't worry about social services. He is sixteen and his identify will be firmly linked with your family. Unless he is at serious risk of harm or refusing to live with you (or you refusing to keep him) social services won't get involved.

cashewnutty · 11/07/2015 08:58

Sorry ghostlife That was meant to say we wouldn't be interested! If he was arrested and charged then there are SW teams who deal with that for older teens but in general children and family teams just go up to age 16.

(Yes i am aware this is changing and it is going to be up to age 18 but in reality that isn't happening where i work yet)

Penfold007 · 11/07/2015 09:03

Could he spend the summer with his father and give you a break?

Original poster

Ghostlife · 11/07/2015 10:00

His father would not have him because he is so difficult. Part of the reason he left was to not have to speak to difficult teenagers.

OP posts:

Newbrummie · 11/07/2015 10:05

We can't get ss out to a 7 yr boy who's living in a violent drug fuelled house hold for love nor money.

I honestly think they have bigger fish to fry

Original poster

Ghostlife · 11/07/2015 10:09

This morning I asked h to come and discuss some ground rules downstairs. He refuses so I went to his room. He started shouting saying I had caused the shouting by going into his room to "p*ss him off" and that I had "upset" him by pointing out how much money he had recently and so I would not be able to replace xyz and that I was "guilt tripping him". He is deliberately playing to the neighbours as the choice words are shouted even louder than normal.

Ground rules were if no shouting his girlfriend does not come around. He then pushed and said that meant she could come everyday which is not happening. He also was not happy about the 10 to 6 pm rule for her visits.

Is there something about having their first girlfriend that makes sons totally toxic?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ghostlife · 11/07/2015 10:10

Sorry if he shouts his girlfriend does not come around.

OP posts:

theendoftheendoftheend · 11/07/2015 10:18

What on earth is going on in his gf life that she thinks she can turn up at 5am?! I'd be tempted to speak to both of them tbh

Original poster

Ghostlife · 11/07/2015 10:31

She is very difficult at home too so I think visitors have been banned at her house. I can completely understand that.

OP posts:

MarchLikeAnAnt · 11/07/2015 10:38

You need to get tough with him. Your house, your rules, if he doesn't like it he can fuck off.

YouTheCat · 11/07/2015 12:10

Just say no.

Let him shout.

It's like he's a toddler. If you continuously back down then he will keep on going until he gets his way.

What's he going to do? Not be your friend? You really need to toughen up. Stop giving him money and say the gf isn't coming round for the foreseeable future.

YouTheCat · 11/07/2015 12:10

Oh and he's not having a 'meltdown'. He's having a little foot stampy tantrum.

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