To not want dh to tell me what to do?
Tistheseasonbear · 09/07/2015 20:48
Does your dp/dh have things he doesn't like you to do?
Dh is pretty controlling and his list of things that are not allowed is annoying me!
Some examples: neither me or the children are allowed to sing as he says we are all off key (I disagree). We used to jokingly call him Captain Vontrapp but it's really annoying me now. If we do sing, he'll shout us down or insult us (including 5yo:(). There's various tv programs he doesn't like and won't allow the dc to watch (anything American!) and things I like he doesn't either so again he will make such a huge fuss and not let me watch them. I hate having to sneak around with the kids when he's not here.
He sees all housework duties as mine (he will often say to the kids, can you do X to help mummy out?) and doesn't want to do anything to help. He's very controlling over money too and goes through EVERYTHING spent on the debit card. I had one payment of £15 and I didn't know where it was from and he wasn't happy. I eventually found the receipt but why the should I have to answer to him, it's my money just as much as his!
MatchsticksForMyEyes · 09/07/2015 20:53
My ex-h was like this in a lot of respects. This is emotional and financial abuse. You cannot continue to walk on eggshells and let the dc think this is a normal relationship.
Please contact Women's Aid. They will help you. For me, I had to leave with the dc as I knew he wouldn't leave and I needed peace of mind and to relax in my own home.
DrElizabethPlimpton · 09/07/2015 20:53
I'm so sorry but you are married to an abusive fuckwit.
He won't change. Neither you nor your children should have to live like this, but the reality of extracting yourself isn't easy. If I was you - I've been in a very abusive relationship- I would look to leave whatever the cost. He is sucking the joy out of your life.
LaurieFairyCake · 09/07/2015 20:57
Leaving is ALWAYS an option when you're subjecting your children to watch an abusive relationship and when they're routinely insulted for singing
No money if you were waiting for an inheritance is worth staying for
If he's dying of cancer - fuck him and leave
Unless you're actually locked in a dungeon or he's holding a kid hostage, leave
Everyone here will support you
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 09/07/2015 20:58
I don't 'let' my partner sing, he has no tone or tune to speak of. However, I would never get angry about it, and I really wouldn't put a child down about it. Because that's bullying and abusive.
My partner is tight over money, he knows when we just can't afford something, whilst I can be spend-thrift once in a while. I am grateful for him being able to curb any silly amount of spending, keeping us going each month. He never yells at me about money, demanding to see what I spend, or where a certain small amount of money went, because that's bullying and abusive.
Yelling, demanding, controlling = bullying and abusive.
wheelycote · 09/07/2015 21:04
What happens if you carry on singing after he's thrown a few insults??
I would be tempted to sing everything!!!! whilst doing the chores....he doesn't have to like it.....when insulting you and dc explain that sometimes grown ups can be very grumpy and daddy is showing how you musnt talk to people as its rude and unkind
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