British toilets are really badly designed, you can't poo without it ploping in water and splashing

[ethicsgalore]

I think toilets here are a really bad design. Why don't they have the style of toilet where you poo onto a slant without water and the hole is right at the front? I want to import a toilet. Fed up of making a nest out of paper that jams the system.

There was something i heard recently that squat loos are actually best for efficient pooing and healthy bowels. Something to do with the bowel extension when squatting and normal toilets dont allow this so people need to strain and can cause piles. No idea if true but it made sense to me.

So really what we need are squat loos with water that flush, a handrail above it for anyone needing help getting down and up again, a little power hose to wash with, british plumbing to cope with toilet paper and a little extendable and retractable tray built in for anyone who fancies a gander at their leavings.

So are we to assume that the OP is, even as we speak, knocking one out over this thread? Is that a thing? Poo fetishism?
And there was me thinking it was just some poor soul having trouble squeezing out a biggun! You do live and learn

Best toilet experience - Japanese toilets with lots of buttons, optional sounds to mask your own noises, options for washing your bottom after a poo

Worst toilet experience - China, row of cubicles with no doors, you poo onto a slope, poo slides down the slope & then along a channel. Whilst trying not to make eye contact with people queuing to get in, all you can see is everyone else's poo floating past

This thread has made me laugh so much.
I am going to show it to my DH who will LOVE it.
Thanks everyone - I'm horrified at the idea of the Chinese toilets with no doors and everyone's poo floating past.

I don't like the loo with a shelf. I specifically DONT want to look at my poo and definitely don't want skid marks. Also don't like loos where the water is so high up you think your bum is going to sink into it.

And yuk, to public loos with those split toilet seats.

Mintyy from memory it's not that I remember seeing anything dreadful in the little Greek toilet bins, more the warm aroma rising from one that hasn't been emptied for a few days...

parcel shelf

I first encountered one of those in a small flat in Austria, with the loo in a minute room that doubled as the broom cupboard and just about zero ventilation. It honged.

We have the mole book in German.

I am another who never worked out how one dried oneself after using the arse-hose. Since I will one day return to arse-hose-land, I'd welcome some enlightenment.

no one mentioned french motorway service toilets yet?

hole in the floor with automated flush that floods the whole floor of the cubicle when you lift your bottom, like when you need to change a pad...

surly definitely TMI but I find those little step stools you can buy are perfect height for putting your feet on to. It does make going to the loo a lot easier.
Obviously this only works at home, you're going to look a bit weird wandering into the coffee shop loo with the times under one arm and a stool under the other

surly definitely TMI but I find those little step stools you can buy are perfect height for putting your feet on to. It does make going to the loo a lot easier.

I know i was a bit bunged up a couple of years ago and found this same tip after a bit of desperate googling. I used the toddler step DS used it works!

Its not just british toilets; german toilets are the same. At least we dont have toilets like some other countries which are basically just holes in the floor and no paper "shudder"

I was really quite shocked to see a hole in the ground type loo in a charming pizza place in a lovely village in northern Italy a couple of years ago. The children were completely flummoxed.

'with the times under one arm and a stool under the other'.

Snicker.

We have the plop up version of the mole book too, it's great!

Ah the Chinese public toilets. The ultimate question, do you use the cubicle if you call a foot height wall a cubicle near the flush end of the channel? Thereby not seeing anyone else's offering but having to watch endless enquiring glances at your white girl shit as it passes down the channel. Or, do you go at the drain end and watch the delights pass under as you pee. At that end it's almost an 80's video game as you hit the passing targets. I always imagined a pinball noise in the background. Either way you'll have an audience checking the colour if your bottom, your wee and your poo to see if its different.

Happy days...

Why oh why did I open this thread

Japanese loos are wonderful so are the bathrooms. My mum looked at trying to get a Japanese bathroom in the uk but you cant.

At that end it's almost an 80's video game as you hit the passing targets

Howling!!!!

Mind you, I made an even worse mistake in Beijing, when I opted for the one "throne-like" loo next to the three hideous holes-in-the-floor. Not only were the other users fascinated to see what I produced - I don't believe they'd seen anyone actually use a western style loo before; I ended up with about five women pointing and jabbering

Jesus ...

I quite like the flush that comes with the squat toilets I've used - a big tub of water with a sort of plastic saucepan thing to scoop water and flush. Could use bathwater etc. and uses less water

I was once on a boat for three days, in very basic bunk class (40 or so bunks to a room, coackroches etc). I think the loos were split evenly between the sexes, but 80%+ of the passengers were male... The ladies loos (hole in the ground type) were minging by the end, but the mens... could throw up just walking past... apparently there were turds sloshing around as the boat swayed [boak]

Ooh what about those ones on trains where you can see the track passing underneath!

That should read turds sloshing round on the floor*

We went to Italy a few years back, dh was dying for a poo. We were waiting at a very quiet rural bus station. he went into the men's and came out looking horrified. There were holes in the floor with no barriers between holes and obviously no doors. he said there was a bloke just casually crouched over one taking a dump reading his newspaper. dh went in the ladies never seen him so mortified in all my life

I thought the Greek PM looked so sexy. Now, the knowledge that he discards his skiddie bog roll in a special bin paints him in a different light.

Another fan of the Japanese loo, especially the ones that look like you could run the Starship Enterprise from them. The fore and aft cleansing! The noises to drown the sound of your pooing! The blow-dry!

Though IME any toilets there that aren't space toilets are hole in the ground jobbies. There is no middle ground. I also used to be terrified I'd inadvertently breach Japanese loo etiquette and leave the guesthouse toilet IN THE SPECIAL TOILET SHOES THAT CANNOT BE WORN ANYWHERE ELSE.

I also fancy having one of those giant Japanese deep baths. Mmm. Bath.

This is also presumably the thread to tell people about the "haunted latrine" a friend found at Glastonbury (someone had dropped a glowstick in it and it was freaking out some of the more, er, refreshed revellers. In fairness to them it did look quite eerie....).

They still have those in china??? I went there when I was 10 on an ill advised school trip and the horrors have never left me :(

Oh, and re upthread, I too have been in a Moroccan hotel with the shower over the bog! Maybe it was a common design for a while, I mean, it does allow for multi-tasking...

Our Moroccan loo was normal. The bare lightbulb below the shower head was not