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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents should stay out of this?

32 replies

Unode50 · 07/07/2015 21:44

Name change due to people knowing my username. First post but long time lurker.

So I'm 21 and just recently moved out of Dparents house to study in another country for the summer (I also spent last year living in another country to learn that language as part of my degree).

DM decided to "tidy" my room whilst I'm away and came across a condom wrapper that was in a bag. I obviously had no idea it was there. After the first phone call when she said she was disappointed in me etc she has brought it up in every phone call and now just goes on about going on the pill - Shock as they're quite religious and their religion is against contraception. Tonight she got Ddad to bring up the topic even when I said I didn't want to talk about it as I had contraception under control and it's part of my life I don't want to discuss with them - mainly due to the religion part.

AIBU in thinking it's none of their business and that they should stay out of it?

OP posts:
GotToFTFO · 07/07/2015 21:49

Wow yabu but sounds like you will have a hard time of from your dm if this how she goes on.
maybe next time they bring it up say you will hang up if they bring it up again as you don't need to discuss it with them (mind their own business).
Then do it hopefully they will quickly get the idea.

GotToFTFO · 07/07/2015 21:49

Sorry meant to say YANBU! auto correct said yabu.

littlejohnnydory · 07/07/2015 21:51

YANBU! You're an adult, none of their business.

Musicaltheatremum · 07/07/2015 21:53

It is none of their business. My children are 22 and 20 and we have always had open discussions about it but on their terms. I know there are condoms in my son's room but so what, at least he is being careful. To mention it once is bad enough but to go on about it is not good.
Are your parents older? I'm 52 (in 17 days). I am also religious.
I would tell them that if they are not going to stop mentioning it then you're not going to phone them.

LindyHemming · 07/07/2015 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hedgehogsdontbite · 07/07/2015 21:59

YANBU! You're an adult and they are overstepping boundaries in a big way.

Original poster
Unode50 · 07/07/2015 22:13

Thanks. Wasn't sure if IABU. I understand the more they try to push me then the less I tell them - I would love to have the open relationship that some DDs have with their DMs on here.
GotTo - I threatened to hang up but eventually listened to what he was saying then quickly ended the conversation
Musical - DM is 56 and Ddad is 50

OP posts:
plutonimum · 07/07/2015 22:19

Did I understand correctly that she wants ("goes on about") you to go on the pill... yet she & your father are against contraception?! Confused That makes no sense!

Sounds like time to be non-committal, avoid engaging, and get the hell out as soon as possible!

Trills · 07/07/2015 22:25

So you're 21 and your parents have never ever had the slightest idea that you might have had sex until now?

Sounds like you do not have the sort of relationship where you talk about this kind of thing.

Gemauve · 07/07/2015 22:43

when she said she was disappointed in me etc

Normal parents think "good, at least she's using a barrier method which, even if she is also using hormonal or other non-barrier contraception, also provides protection against STDs".

Lunatic parents pretend their 21 year old, travelled, student daughter will be a virgin on her wedding night.

Tell them to mind their own business.

ChasedByBees · 07/07/2015 22:53

End the call every time it's mentioned. This is not on.

Fatmomma99 · 07/07/2015 22:56

I realize that I'm TOTALLY missing the point but how can you possibly be

Name change due to people knowing my username. First post but long time lurker.

????

If you've never posted before, how on earth can we possibly know your username.

Your DM is being ridiculous, you are an adult. Albeit an amazingly recognizable one, apparently! Was your original name "Iaminsert name of celb'schild"?

itsmeitscathy · 07/07/2015 23:00

YANBU

it's one of those things thats easier just not to talk about with parents, no matter anyone's beliefs.

Iggi999 · 07/07/2015 23:04

Yes Fatmomma a slip of some kind there surely!

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 07/07/2015 23:04

Im ending this call now. Speak soon.

Hissy · 07/07/2015 23:05

Jesus Christ! Your dad is 3 years older than me and they think that sex is a subject they need to harangue you about? Talk you out of etc?

I'm online dating, (well, trying...) so trying to find a new partner, your parents sound as if they've given up life entirely.

Tell them if they don't stop being so ridiculous, that you will instantly end the call.

They don't have the right to dictate anything to you.

You've moved out, you won't be able to move back in, and I'd suggest that it'll be distinctly better for you if you didn't

soundsystem · 07/07/2015 23:09

Fat momma I think the OP means people in RL know her username, I'm guessing because it's the same as one she uses elsewhere!

OP YANBU

EthelDurant123 · 07/07/2015 23:12

YANBU. Be assertive and tell DM that the subject is not for discussion. You are an adult.

olgaga · 07/07/2015 23:21

YANBU this is sad for you. Decide how much contact YOU need and don't be available for the contact they initiate unless you want ut.

Stock answer to intrusive questions: "Mum/Dad it's none of your business, bye for now."

kali110 · 07/07/2015 23:33

Or op means first own post, as in started one?

kali110 · 07/07/2015 23:34

First Thread even, don't know where half my sentence went then!

LilyMayViolet · 07/07/2015 23:42

They are being completely ridiculous. What a horrible invasion of your privacy. Definitely put your foot down, say "I am an adult and this is none of your business" and change the subject.

everyonesfriend · 07/07/2015 23:45

you could always go down the

"im in to 50 shade style sex mum/dad thinking about going a sex/dogging

which contraception is best for that (blush)

or tell her "dave n Tracey" down the pub sell knock of condoms duplex and there great

or say your using them for a art display?

Original poster
Unode50 · 07/07/2015 23:48

Sorry! I meant I use my regular username as my username for other websites too and people irl know my username. Bit rude fatmomma!

I'm trying to move out properly but having to pay to study atm in this country so will have to work more when I get back to the UK - thankfully my workplace is keeping my job open for me when I get back. Hoping to have moved out forever by next summer at the latest.
I've been involved with some church youth group in the past as I like the people and the trips etc and it's fun although I have some issues with the religion. Dparents just presumed I was a virgin and so I didn't correct them

OP posts:
SorchaN · 08/07/2015 00:41

Wow, your parents are being ridiculous. It's none of their business at all, whatever their choices for their own lives might be.

I agree with previous posters: you should shut down the conversation whenever they bring it up. I like to use a sentence that can be repeated up to three times before disengaging - in this case something like "My personal life is none of your business." If they persist, repeat. If they still persist, repeat and hang up.

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