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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay her for a party she threw

408 replies

ahphoque · 06/07/2015 21:04

Last week I was visiting a friend and she had been invited to a party by a new friend of hers. I had previously met this friend but don't know her particularly well ikywim. Anyways, since my friend had only recently met this woman, she asked me to go as her plus one and so I went along with her. The party was quite dull and the woman throwing it was a bit off with my friend and rather rude towards me so we left after an hour or so.

We didn't have anything to eat (she had laid out crisps and the like) and brought a bottle of (rather expensive) wine each aswell as flowers.

This morning I received a text from party woman demanding £5 to cover the cost of the food she laid out. Now there were at least 60 people in attendance and there is no way she spent £300 on food.

AIBU to not pay her as I didn't eat any of the food and already gave her flowers and wine?

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom · 07/07/2015 13:25

All you need to reply is: "Er, I don't think so! I stayed for an hour, I barely ate a thing and I gave you flowers and a decent bottle of wine. I think you've had the better deal to be honest."

And your friend is being ridiculous telling you to pay it.

hhhhhhh · 07/07/2015 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnyBaudelaire · 07/07/2015 13:29

I do agree 'you must pay' does sounds like someone who has English as a second language.... not that that is an excuse but just an observation.
Maybe paying for parties is normal where she is from?
Actually it reminds me of how my Greek students used to use English...maybe she is having some austerity thing going on in her house?

SunnyBaudelaire · 07/07/2015 13:29

...in which case just say a big fat 'OXI'

Seffina · 07/07/2015 13:33

Actually, someone mentioning that maybe she is Russian reminds me of a MN thread from ages ago that involved a party and weird text messages too and I'm sure the host was Eastern European. I can't remember anything else about it though.

OnlyLovers · 07/07/2015 13:33

I like Cain's slightly passive-aggressive Grin reply.

Or Margots, but pithier: 'Er, I don't think so.'

QuintShhhhhh · 07/07/2015 13:38

You must text back:

"If these crisps you provided "as food" were laced with crack, I can sort of understand both your behavior and you wanting to charge. I brought wine and flowers, costing at least 3 times more than the crisps at the party, so I suggest you stop embarrassing yourself. "

MummySparkle · 07/07/2015 13:51

This thread has made my afternoon!! Has your other friend replied to crisp lady?? Please reply because I'm sure her response will also be hilarious!!

SuperFlyHigh · 07/07/2015 13:59

ah I've read the whole thread and seems party hostess (aka Abigail of Abigail's Party' has decided this is a profit making exercise.

Its all been said here... I can't think of a put down or answer than the otherwise superb ones already given.

Why do people do this though, charge or not charge for parties/baby showers etc? I'm even a bit Shock Confused re cash bars at weddings - yes I know I pay them but I'd have a non-cash bar at my wedding I think I am wondering if I'm missing a trick and if next time I should charge a fee for my own party etc?! joke... Grin

downgraded · 07/07/2015 14:01

Why oh why don't I ever encounter barking mad party throwers/dinner party hosts/weekend guests?

Please text her back :)

springsprang · 07/07/2015 14:04

Dear Crisp Lady, I didn't really consume any food but will forward 10p to cover the cost of the crisps that I ate. You really are quite strange. Ahphoque.

wafflyversatile · 07/07/2015 14:05

Was the other woman she texted an invitee or a plus one?

wafflyversatile · 07/07/2015 14:07

I'm wondering if the party wound up early as most people left and she blames certain people but not others.

OopNorth · 07/07/2015 14:08

I was thinking the same thing Waffly- perhaps a grand scheme where the invited guests don't pay, the plus ones do and they split the profits £2.50 each

Passmethecrisps · 07/07/2015 14:13

I suspect rude crisp lady was unimpressed with certain offerings and is now demanding payment as recompense.

Maybe she has a spreadsheet of fury
Biscuits - £3.50
Flowers and wine - £5
Flowers - £2.50
Crisps - no charge!

Passmethecrisps · 07/07/2015 14:16

I am leaning towards her thinking this would be a key party and getting furious that people brought the wrong sex plus one.

Was there a large bowl?
Was there pampas grass?
We're the woman sporting gold lamè

N.b. My only experience of key parties is off of the telly

JonSnowKnowsNowt · 07/07/2015 14:23

I agree with Passmethecrisps. And OP misheard. When the host said she was bored and demanded that OP sing, she was actually saying SWING! Silly OP.

DungeonDoGood · 07/07/2015 14:35

Too funny.

Obviously, you must ask to see the receipt.

CheesyDibbles · 07/07/2015 14:38

Yes - she wanted you to swing for your supper.

MaxPepsi · 07/07/2015 14:43

With regards to her getting your number.

If MF (or another MF) has ever sent a group message via whatsapp which has included yourself and CL she will have your number that way. A bit like you being able to get email addresses from group emails.

Therefore - if you get a load of Mumsnetters on a whatsapp conversation and include her, everyone will be able to send her the messages outlined above Smile

withalittlebitofluck · 07/07/2015 14:48

Oh dear... How awful of her... Tell her to jog on...

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 14:52

Text back

"Oh lol, you actually had be going there for a minute! I thought I was going to have to do up an invoice for the wine! Grin"

Your friend is being a bit weird about it, too!

MammaTJ · 07/07/2015 15:03

Avoiding awkwardness is no reason to pay, that should have been her reason not to bill you, but the awkwardness has already been started by her.

honeyroar · 07/07/2015 15:04

If you do message back, do tell her there are ten pages of people laughing about how mean she is on Mumsnet!

Whatisaweekend · 07/07/2015 15:09

What are you going to do OP? 'You must' reply surely?! How about:

'I am utterly astonished at your rude and graceless message. I will not be paying but instead return your crisps to you. Sorry they are not quite in original condition'

Then send her a shit in a jiffy bag.