To think my husband is at fault here?

[AmIjustgrumpy]

Husband has a track record of ruining my clothes by either washing whites with colours or tumble drying everything. He has no need to get involved in my washing at all and I gave up washing his clothes a few years ago when he couldn't be bothered to even make sure they made it into the laundry basket. This morning he suddenly realises that he has no clothes so needs to do some washing, he finds a load of mine in the machine which has been there for a couple of days. He takes it all out and puts it in the tumble dryer and then asks me to take out the things I don't want tumbled. I go to the tumble dryer and notice that it all smells and needs re-washing and tell him so and as I was going out ask him to re-wash it when his wash is finished. At the same time I put some new clothes on the utility room floor which are dry. Instead of re-washing the stuff in the machine he tumbled the stuff in the machine. He is absolutely furious and saying it's all my fault.

[diploddycus]

OP didn't put the clothes in the tumble dryer. Her prat of a H did.

he finds a load of mine in the machine which has been there for a couple of days. He takes it all out and puts it in the tumble dryer

Why didn't he just put the load that needed re-washing into the wash basket or on the floor instead of using the tumble dryer as a storage facility.

The only way anyone could say YABU is because when he said "take out anything you don't want tumble dried" you took out nothing. But any normal, sensible human being would know that "oh, that'll all need re-washed" means DON'T FUCKING TUMBLE DRY IT. You shouldn't have to spoon feed him. I do think you have bigger problems than laundry though.

[53rdAndBird]

Do not see what's so complicated about this?

OP leaves clothes in washer
Husband puts them in dryer
OP says "don't tumble dry those, put back in washer when you're finished with it"
Husband tumble dries them
Clothes get ruined
But OP is somehow the unreasonable one for not doing laundry to approved MN standards?

OP, for what it's worth, I never tumble dry anything and never leave loads in the washer for days, and I still think it's pretty obvious that YANBU here. A grown man should not need you to hand-hold him through the complex idea of not tumble drying your clothes.

[annandale]

You do sound like you bring out the worst in each other at the moment, but yes, basically yanbu.

It sounds like you find the life you live barely tolerable and I'm not surprised.

[GrumpyOldBiddy2]

OP, it sounds like there's a lot of high expressed emotion in your house, do you always get this het up about everything?

I think you need to take a step back and get some perspective, yes it's irritating but if you are genuinely that wound up about washing you need to make sure that you do yours properly and not leave it in the washer. That is relevant because if you are drawing such ridiculous firm boundaries with your washing it's your responsibility to ensure that yours is done and out of the way so it doesn't impede on him and vice versa.

You have definitely been drip feeding, first the washing, then he's lazy, then he's really lazy, then he's abusive. Oh, and then it's a feminist issue!

Why don't you just take it to its logical conclusion and buy another washer /dryer for your side of the house?

[TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle]

The only unreasonable thing you did here was trust him to do anything with your washing, you probably should have known better.

But seriously, washing is not hard, is he fucking it up deliberately so he doesn't have to do anything but his own?

[GrumpyOldBiddy2]

He should be doing ALL the washing but because he conveniently messes it up I do mine, the household stuff and the children's.

he HAS to do his washing because I stopped doing it as he couldn't be bothered to bring it downstairs and put it in the laundry basket

Can you genuinely not see that you are being petty over this and have double standards? You also say (but I can't cut and paste from another page on the phone) that you asked him to put your washing in after his was done - so, just to clarify - you won't do his washing because he doesn't put it in the designated space, he should do everyone's washing because you're the main breadwinner, he's not allowed to wash your clothes unless you tell him to?
And it's a feminist issue?

[5hell]

to answer your primary question: YANBU, your dh was at fault

however, i don't think it was 100% his fault, more a bit of a breakdown in communication/forgetfulness? maybe you could re-visit your laundry arrangements and try a different approach together?

[ltk]

YANBU. He deliberately ruins your clothes. Does he do this because he is honestly too stupid to realise what he is doing? Or because he wants to get back at you? Or because he is lazy? It's one of those.

[Gabilan]

I stated very early on that he is lazy and he was furious - nothing changed there.

I get furious from time to time. This never involves telling someone repeatedly to go fuck themselves, punching things and throwing things at someone. That's not just furious, it's violent and intimidating and I think you'd have a very different response if that had been in the OP.

You do seem to be outraged if someone disagrees with you and then claim that somehow they think it's the 1950s and they don't support women. This is far from true. As PP have said, there is a lot going on here that's nothing to do with laundry.

[WilburIsSomePig]

Christ, you both sound like so much work I would say you're pretty well suited.

[WayneRooneysHair]

I think that you're both equally to blame.

[differentnameforthis]

I think it's a bit dopy [?] to do any washing without being sure it's suitable so yanbu.

I think it's a bit daft to not get that you still cannot trust your dh to do the washing after 15yrs...I have stuff that needs to be handwashed, and I keep it separate or tell dh.

Seriously...if you can't trust him, deal with your washing before he is likely to touch it.

[AmberNectarine]

Why should H do ALL the washing? You said you were the main breadwinner, not the sole one?

FWIW he sounds like a prick anyway.

[Houseworkavoider]

Yanbu.
You asked him not to tumble dry your wash but he did it anyway. People make mistakes so annoying though it is, it shouldn't cause ww3.
Your H shouldn't throw things at you.
He's being a nob and I hope you're ok.