To think my husband is at fault here?

[AmIjustgrumpy]

Husband has a track record of ruining my clothes by either washing whites with colours or tumble drying everything. He has no need to get involved in my washing at all and I gave up washing his clothes a few years ago when he couldn't be bothered to even make sure they made it into the laundry basket. This morning he suddenly realises that he has no clothes so needs to do some washing, he finds a load of mine in the machine which has been there for a couple of days. He takes it all out and puts it in the tumble dryer and then asks me to take out the things I don't want tumbled. I go to the tumble dryer and notice that it all smells and needs re-washing and tell him so and as I was going out ask him to re-wash it when his wash is finished. At the same time I put some new clothes on the utility room floor which are dry. Instead of re-washing the stuff in the machine he tumbled the stuff in the machine. He is absolutely furious and saying it's all my fault.

[Yarp]

I have two suggestions to make laundry easier:


Use timer on the washing machine so the washing finishes when you have time to get it out and dry it

Use Colour catcher sheets so you can mix whites and coloureds without running

[RagingJellyBean]

Because instead of being lazy & asking him to wash laundry she had left for 2 days to fester, she should have just done it herself.

[Yarp]

He was at the machine

She has already had to make adjustments because he's show he can't do washing portly, and she's annoyed because the one time she asks him to do it again, he messes up.

He can't seem to take care of her clothes, but can take care of his own. Can you not see that's a bit annoying?

[Yarp]

properly

[MrsTerryPratchett]

YABU because you expected a grown adult to be able to;

a) listen to you
b) adhere to a simple and easy request.

Sheesh.

I am also interested to know if he regularly ruins his own clothes.

[AmIjustgrumpy]

Yes Yarp I have had to make lots of adjustments throughout our marriage :)

He has been downright lazy our whole marriage which is another story - I don't think it's right he only does his own washing but that's better than nothing! He should be doing ALL the washing but because he conveniently messes it up I do mine, the household stuff and the children's. It is extremely frustrating that he can't listen to a simple task, first not to wash my whites with coloureds so he has ruined many of mine and the childrens clothes, secondly not to tumble my clothes in the past which he has anyway and ruined things and thirdly today not to tumble the clothes HE put in the tumble drier.

But if mumsnet deem I am being unreasonable then so be it :)

[Topseyt]

I shall just stick to my simple solution of me doing all the washing and then everyone else collecting their clean stuff afterwards to go and put it away.

It works. They moan about it of course, but they do their part and it works. Just about.

[diddl]

I'm not so sure it's as simple as saying YABU.

I think for your own peace of mind it would have been best to take your clothes out of the drier.

He should though respect you enough listen/not fuck things up to get you doing the lion's share.

[Solarpowered2]

So if you're long term married and he's clearly awful at washing, can you not get him to do more of something else he is good at, and just do his washing? We do that, I do the washing, DH does a lot more cooking because he is better at that. Seems getting him to do his washing has been a pyrrhic vixtory for you.

[Lennon80]

Oh right so he chooses to do his washing separately ... wow what a prick!

[diddl]

Why does h only do his washing?

I thought it was because he ruined your stuff so you each do your own.

Seems not to be the case though.

[Blinkinwinkin]

Yes, you are just grumpy.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

So you left a nice dress and some new trousers in the machine for two days after you had washed them ...........................

[slithytove]

I have to say that it does seem as though neither of you are particularly blessed with laundry skills! Could you go 50/50 on a service wash?

Honestly I'd just ban him from ever touching your clothes, and make sure the machines are always free for use when not being used.

[MamanOfThree]

Well YANBU to think he could have listen to your request NOT to tumble dry the clothes.
YANBU to expect him to put another washing to go after the one he had put on.

As for the 'you wash your clothes, I will wash mines' it looks like a case of someone who just couldn't be arsed to help with the HW, has made a point of doing it badly so he has to do as little as possible. In this case, just his stuff...

I'm at people saying 'well it's your stuff therefore you should have taken it out of the tumble dryer blablabla'. Is it really how it works in your household? No one ever helps the other? No one ever does something that isn't 'his'? And you have so little confidence in your DP that you would never ask him to do something for you? You have a very different idea of what a partnership means...

[Teabagbeforemilk]

I don't think Yabu i general. He sounds shit. But in this situation, that your described in the OP is see it as he said 'take out what you don't wnat tumble drying' you said it needs rehashing and he misunderstood or forgot and thought you had taken the non tumbling stuff out.

It sounds like a misunderstanding so neither (or both) are bu. you sound furious too and it's sounds lol it's got out of hand.

But I am with the posters who don't understand why you left your nice clothes wet, in a machine for days

[MamanOfThree]

And even more at the comments around the lines of 'well he can't do it well so you have to do it for your own piece of mind'...

Serioulsy?!? You are saying that it's ppossible for a fully functional adult NOT to understand how to put a wash on? Are you really thinking that the OP's DH is that thick? Mind boggles....

[AmIjustgrumpy]

Lennon - he HAS to do his washing because I stopped doing it as he couldn't be bothered to bring it downstairs and put it in the laundry basket just threw it into the hallway upstairs. I bought another laundry basket and put it upstairs and he can manage to put his clothes in it but then couldn't be bothered to bring the clothes down to the utility room and I was certainly not going to do it so he had to start washing his own when the upstairs basket was fit to bursting and he had no clothes.

Topseyt - I am not going back to doing his washing, as it is I work full time am the main breadwinner and do practically everything else. After another complete and utter meltdown from me a few weeks ago he has managed to do the dishwasher most days and has mown the lawn three times in the last couple of weeks and he did sort out for someone to come and fix a leaking tap which was a miracle but that's about it.

[mynewpassion]

Your fault entirely. Don't leave laundry unattended for days because it will get ruined tumbled dry or not.

That's the rule in our house.

[AmIjustgrumpy]

To all those who keep asking yes I did leave clothes in the washing machine for a couple of days. Yes they were nice clothes and yes again I did it. It's no big deal to me - it happened and will no doubt happen again

[Lennon80]

Oh he sounds a pain in the arse. I would have him doing his own cooking too!

[Solarpowered2]

Ok I take it back, it's not that funny as he's generally, across the board not pulling his weight then I can see why you sound exhausted and a bit petty. Must be very tiring to be around him.

[BatteryPoweredHen]

Why on earth are you tumble drying in this weather anyway?

How wasteful!

[AmIjustgrumpy]

BatteryPoweredHen

Because I want to?

[diddl]

"You are saying that it's ppossible for a fully functional adult NOT to understand how to put a wash on? Are you really thinking that the OP's DH is that thick? Mind boggles...."

Well this one didn't seem to understand as he tumbled dried what he had been asked to wash...