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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to a surprise meal but not eat.

50 replies

BlinkieBill · 03/07/2015 17:04

We have been invited to a surprise meal in an Indian restaurant for a dear family member next week. However, it is at that time of night, I am usually quite unwell overnight. It is also far too late for my small children, who are also invited, to be eating.
I thought I might just have a starter so we aren't not eating.i want to go along for the person getting the surprise. I'm not bothered about the food. I also anticipate that we won't stay too late because of the kids.
The people organising the surprise are quite offended that we aren't planning on eating much or staying after 11pm. I think it isn't unreasonable to leave then or to not really eat much.
It is a everyone pays their own bill type of affair, putting in a little extra for the birthday boy's meal.
AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

BlinkieBill · 03/07/2015 17:06

Damn it, half that post got lost, the meal doesn't start until 9, so I don't anticipate eating until nearer 9:30/10pm.

OP posts:

dexter73 · 03/07/2015 17:08

That is quite late to be eating, especially with small children. Any chance you can get a babysitter for them?

Lateswim16 · 03/07/2015 17:08

No but 11pm is very late for small children to be awake anyway.

Can you get babysitters? Also they usually have English dishes available if you can't eat Indian food.

Not sure what you meant by that time of night and you are usually quite unwell overnight?

honeysucklejasmine · 03/07/2015 17:09

YANBU! 9.00 is far too late for adults, never mind kids!

esiotrot2015 · 03/07/2015 17:09

I'd get a babysitter or not go tbh

Is it a week day ?

TRexingInAsda · 03/07/2015 17:09

Go and order a meal and sit with it - nobody cares if you eat much of it or not. If you don't want to order a meal, you can't really sit for 2 hours in a restaurant with your kids - just decline.

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 17:10

I think it's a bit odd to be honest and might come across as though you just can't stand 'missing out on something', if you see what I mean?

I'd be inclined to send a card, a present and my apologies.

Lateswim16 · 03/07/2015 17:10

My small children were usually fast asleep at 7. They would be vile by 9.30.

sadwidow28 · 03/07/2015 17:14

A 9pm meet-up time/9.30pm eating may be even too late for the 'dear family member'.

Obviously you haven't said the age of the person but whilst 9pm is my usual eating time (when I get in from work), if we take my Mum out for a meal, 7pm meet-up is the last time she would be able to manage even for her special occasions.

petalunicorn · 03/07/2015 17:14

There's no way I'd take small children out that late to a public space. They'd just moan because they're tired and I'd pay for it the next day.

It would be a bit strange to not eat. People not ordering at Indian restaurants can be annoying as you get some people who say they're not eating then tuck into the sides, rice,naan etc so make sure you are not one of those (and don't let the kids either). I think give it a miss or get a babysitter.

Lateswim16 · 03/07/2015 17:17

Dear friend isn't the dear leader is he?

LashesandLipstick · 03/07/2015 17:18

YANBU it's fine to just order a starter

GoStraightGoStraight · 03/07/2015 17:20

Either get a babysitter and go and eat properly or don't go.

GinUpGirl · 03/07/2015 17:20

Agree, don't take the kids and eat whatever you want or don't want when you get there.

ShatnersBassoon · 03/07/2015 17:21

I'd give it a miss. It's inconvenient to you and your family.

Heels99 · 03/07/2015 17:23

I don't think a family can go to a restaurant and plan not to eat. Don't go, make a different arrangement with the birthday person, perhaps me t them before the restaurant for a drink e.g 6pm

Icimoi · 03/07/2015 17:23

I have a lot of sympathy as I get indigestion if I eat after 9 p.m., whether it's spicy or non-spicy food. I'd have thought you'd be fine if you just turn up and order a starter; explain why if anyone asks. But I definitely wouldn't take small children out at that time.

RatOnnaStick · 03/07/2015 17:24

If I was the dear family member I would be entirely unoffended if you came and just had a small amount of food. I probably wouldn't notice. I would, however, be a little miffed if a surprise meal in a curry house included young children at that time of the evening. The last thing I would want as the surprisee is young, crabby, irritable, manic, excitable, sleepy children taking over the proceedings.

TheRealMaryMillington · 03/07/2015 17:24

I think you should chill out and go and enjoy yourself.

YANBU not to want to eat much if it would make you ill, but you don't have to be a party pooper about it.

BTW my kids would love and always would have loved even when tiny to be out late in a restaurant (especially Indian, because poppadoms, man) in the company of family at a celebration. It's kind of late, but it's jut one night.

maninawomansworld · 03/07/2015 17:25

You don't say how small your small children are. Mine are 2 and a half and I wouldn't take them.

I'd either give it a miss and send my apologies (kids are a cracking excuse for getting out of things) or I'd find a babysitter, go and have a nice curry, a few drinks and actually enjoy the occasion.

Go, do it properly and have a good time or politely excuse yourself.
You don't want to be that person in the corner, not really having a good time trying to manage a couple of over tired, fractious children. No fun for you or those around you.

Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 17:28

I wouldn't go. To late for my kids. An as a former restaurant owner it's really annoying when people take up space but don't buy anything or spend very little. 4 spaces in a restaurant taken up by people not spending anything is a pain.

It's a business, not a community centre

chrome100 · 03/07/2015 17:30

I second just chilling out. Have a snack if you can't wait until 9pm to eat, same goes for the kids, It's just one evening. I don't think you can go and not eat.

WhyTheDrama · 03/07/2015 17:36

It wouldn't cross my mind that anyone would mind if I only went for a little while and didn't eat much. Id still be glad they made the effort to come.
I might order a dessert for the kids rather than a starter but other than that I wouldn't worry at all.
I would not make a big deal about leaving either - just quietly slip away and I bet people will not notice too much.
I'm amazed at the other replies. I can't believe the lengths some people go to feel offended

Original poster

BlinkieBill · 03/07/2015 17:42

The kids are 3 and 1. I don't mind them being out late for a one-off. They have been ok at weddings and other special occasions.
The restaurant is owned by another branch of the family and are ok with us not eating much but taking up seats. The whole restaurant is being used for the party.
I'm not entirely sure that it has been thought out carefully by the birthday boy's kids. He gets terrible indigestion and has Crohn's disease so usually avoids eating late at night and spicy food.
Both of the organisers love eating late and love spicy food.
I thought we would just stay for starters, give over our money then say our goodbyes.the family don't get many chances to get together so maybe I am trying to hard not to be left out though.
Hmm, just can't decide what to do so as not to offend any of them.

OP posts:

lljkk · 03/07/2015 17:46

terrible waste to order food & not eat it.

Are they annoyed that you won't fully split the bill with them? (cheeky sods).

I am definitely getting too old, I'd be annoyed in UK to wait until 9:30 pm for my supper.

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