To think that a career / work is not the be all and end all

[Cantz]

I am 38 now, no children and I haven't worked a job since I was 29 and even the it was just part time. My husband works but I don't I have a blog that makes a little money and I sell some art work which brings in something but I don't have a career or a job I am mostly at home cooking, gardening and doing my own thing. It works for us and we are happy after 21 years together.
Lots of my friends have careers some are Doctors, others work in TV or in IT and we still have plenty in common. I want these women, my friends to have what makes them happy and of that is a career then great. I absolutely support the right of a women to do what she wants with her life but I am finding more and more that for me to choose not to have a career, especially as I don't have children is a total taboo.

It often feels like there is huge pressure to go out and get a job, that you cannot be fufilled unless you are in paid employment and that worse by not working you cannot possibley be contributing to society. There are lots of ways a person can make a contribution it isn't all about money or even having kids for that matter.

Surely paid employment isn't the be all and end all?

I agree that there are plenty of perfectly pleasant ways to amuse oneself outside of work... But I suppose I would have less respect for someone who was financially dependent through choice rather than through practically (ie. child-rearing). Think the lack of desire to accomplish anything might also come off as a bit... Don't know, lame? I'm sure plenty of people would be jealous and would themselves love to not work. I think each to their own. But can imagine all the lady friends of yours toughing it out in the workplace might feel they've earnt some status that you have not. Not saying I agree but think when you're in that super competitive environment, the idea of someone wafting around doing a bit of gardening and blogging, which they are able to because the husband pays the bills... They might accept it but they may also not respect you for it. Maybe that's why you get the feeling it's taboo round them? I want to re-stress, it's not necessarily my opinion but that is what I read into it!

But basic (love the username btw) why is toughing it out in the workplace more worthy of respect? They are there because they either want to be or have no choice. They deserve decent pay and the respect of their colleagues but doing what they do doesn't make the better per se.

Some people are just built differently and don't have career ambition.

I suppose the OP is taking a view that she is as happy as she can be, while expending the least amount of effort to attain that happiness.

Thanks sometimes

And yeah I agree, it's not for everyone, and working doesn't necessarily make you better than someone who doesn't work, of course. But just reading into the reactions of her friends, this is what I imagine is going on. And actually, I think someone is being supported in a lifestyle they didn't earn themselves... It doesn't really inspire respect in itself. Not to say that everyone, just by virtue of being a person, shouldn't be treated with basic respect - obvs. But I'm speculating that since her friends all sound so accomplished and successful they might well place value on working hard to achieve success and professional accomplishment. And also... I can't be sure, but I would also guess that the OP comes from a somewhat privileged background. I suppose a certain lifestyle affords status... And if you haven't earned that yourself fine if it works for the OP and her husband, but again, her friends who are out in a competitive work environment might just... I don't know, think it's a bit lame.. Again not saying it's fair or right, but I imagine something like this is going on. As others have pointed out, people who have to work hard to support their families / lifestyle / themselves might also just find it irritating hearing someone talking about how work just doesn't interest them and they prefer hobbies. Just my take!

I know people who aren't really that into work or the workplace, but are accomplished in other ways, for example music, theatre, art, whatever, earn very little, have fabulous, rich lives and for whose professional friends this is not a taboo. Although in the examples I'm thinking of they're also not dependent on a spouse. Maybe that's part of the issue? Don't know, anyway my point is that I don't necessarily see it as negative myself, I'm just reading into the situation that the OP has presented. I don't even know if she's BU or not

Am just thinking out loud, so sorry for the incoherent rambling

Op it's not about being fulfilled in a job. I too support women doing what they want.

But what's concerning is that you rely on someone else for your income and have little visible means of supporting yourself. Leaving it up to someone else to pay your way is a pretty risky strategy in life. Don't you think?

I'd be more worried about that than whether you think work should fulfil you or not.

Ok. Playing devils advocate about a comment basic made - "being supported in a lifestyle you didn't earn yourself". If the OP's DH was single and hired a housekeeper to look after the garden, grow some vegetables, cook his dinner, make some artwork to decorate and create a warm atmosphere in his home, and if the housekeeper really enjoyed gardening/cooking/painting would anyone say 'it's not real work, she's sponging off him?' Doesn't OP earn her keep by creating a warm and comfortable home that suits her DH?

Actually expressing my own opinion, I'd love to have the OP's lifestyle. Sounds lovely and infinitely preferable to the life of a kept-woman-trophy-wife who spends all her time at the gym, spa or shopping at Harrods and with a staff of cleaners and nannies, and who could also be accused of not earning her keep! Somehow this type keep appearing in the likes of Hello and OK and we're supposed to envy them.

Surely you can see a difference between a housekeeper that is paid to do a specific job and the OP who basically does her own thing and happens to cook and clean her own house. And sleep with the "boss".

Twowrongs I don't know, I don't think being employed by your husband as a servant would garner much kudos either

Must agree though, does all sound verr naice

Wow what a lot of posts since last week! Sorry I wasn't online at all over the weekend so I haven't seen this thread until now.
To address some of the things said above in no set order:
I don't think that everyone who has a job fetichises work, and I don't look down on people who work a job either, rather it is the notion that you ought to work, even if you don't have to just because it is what everyone does, this is probably more societal trend but there do seem to be some posters who very much embody this very much.

As I said before I don't come from a privileged background at all both myself and my Husband are from working class backgrounds grew up on estates with parents who worked "blue collar" jobs to borrow the american idiom.

Someone up thread asked if women who had a career such as Doctor for example would feel they had earned a little more status then someone who is at home all day. Perhaps they do, probably in fact. I just don't ever think about status or my position in relation to others at all. All that matters is if I am happy and if my Husband is happy. I've never really wanted a lot of the things other people seem to want but that is fine.

Also I didn't start this thread to brag but to get some opinions and I got them in spades so thank you all.

On retirement they will have 2 individual state pensions.

Not if she hasn't worked and paid NI contributions. As my Aunt discovered when she reached pension age.

OP says further up thread she is paying her stamp herself.