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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up and upset about dp's attitude towards me?

134 replies

Marilynz · 01/07/2015 04:42

On Monday, DP and I get back from a tiring and stressful (but fun) camping trip. Ever since, he's been an arsehole and I'm fed up. It started on Monday when he called me into the dining room to look at some photos of the trip. Before he put the photos on the computer, he answered a message on Skype. So, without reading the message, I said "oh is that DSS (I knew it must have been and he's the only person he talks to on Skype), how is he?" I ask. By this point my son had also enterered the room to look at the pics. DP snapped "he's fine!". Confused when my ds left the room, dP launched a verbal confrontation with me saying the conversation was private and he doesn't want me questioning him about his son!! I said I'd only asked how he was!! He snapped back that the issue was that I'd asked in front on my son Confused. Anyway he rattled on and on, despite me saying I wasn't interested in the contents of the convo, I was literally just asking how the lad (who's 18) was!! He wouldn't back down, continued to insist I was out of order and I should understand why etc etc Hmm I refused to argue with him and just said he'd took it the wrong way and I didn't wish to discuss it further ffs, but I was upset.
Last night was awful. We'd both been at work all day, I came home, went back out to shop and did a weeks shopping, came back, made tea for everyone (all whist dP is playing on the computer!) and later gave him a random foot massage whilst we watched tv. We went to bed smiling. Now, we have two bathrooms upstairs, the main one and the en suite. I don't use the main one unless I'm getting a bath so bypassed it on the way to bed and got ready in the ensuite. I noticed it smelt a bit and that someone had opened the window. "Someone has shit in the ensuuite right before bedtime, how irritating" I thought and made a mental note to speak to DS about being more considerate. Then, I hear all this moaning and complaining coming from the landing where dp has gone off on one about the state of the main bathroom (which I hadn't been in remember). Apparently ds had taken a shit in there, not flushed it and left it in s state. Ffs I think and make another mental note to go ape at him in the morning as he is old enough to know better. With that, dP bursts into the bedroom and launches into a full scale verbal attack on me, saying I'd ignored it and should have sorted it myself. I told him I hadn't been in there and he retorts that as usual, I'd walked past a bathroom which was obviously in a state because I couldn't be arsed. He tells me he's not a fucking mug and things need to change as he's sick of me and my "fucking posse" being selfish and lazy and expecting him to be a "fucking mug". Shock I was taken aback by all this because I honestly hadn't done anything wrong! I hadn't noticed it was in a state as I assumed the smell was coming from the ensuuite (especially as the window was open) but he wouldn't stop attacking me. I chose not to argue back (speechless more like!) and said he should just have spoken to me, not laid into me full force. He refused to back down so I just said goodnight to him. A few minutes later I went to hug him and he said he was far too angry with me and would have to go without a hug Hmm he called me lazy and said he was sick of me. I was really upset, we'd gone upstairs fine and he just turned on me like that. Fucking lazy after I'd done the shopping and cooked his tea after been at work all day and then refusing to hug me goodnight?? And after last nights episode I'm sick to death of being his verbal punch bag! Actually quite upset still, could barely sleep all night, 4.30 am and I'm sat posting about it on mumsnet because I can't get it out of my head. I'm exhausted :-(

OP posts:
DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 02/07/2015 20:45

Oh come on OP - we're all routing for you here!! i'm bouncing on my chair hoping you're going to leave that bum!!

Floundering · 02/07/2015 20:46

I've been reading this thread like this>> Shock Shock

but your last post made me Grin

Good for you, go & see some of the houses on Right Move, & start making plans.

Ring HMRC & get registered for TC's

Make a list of all the things you have bought since you moved in ( if you want them) and wait until he is out one day/away & move them all out.

You owe him nothing

Mommyusedtobecool · 03/07/2015 11:16

Youre one of those really kind, subservient, door mat types.
Sounds a horrible thing to say. But my mum was one, and I have a tendency to be one.
People like this guy will always be a total jerk to you. Because he has low self esteem and putting you down and making you feel pathetic boosts him!
My Dp cheated on me and I couldn't work out why, when I was so kind and caring in every way. My df did the same to my mum.
The bottom line is men respect and value women who respect themselves and know their own worth!

AgathaF · 03/07/2015 12:29

Go and put a deposit down on that house. Get yourself away from this poor excuse for a man, and more improtantly, get your son away from him before he ends up psychologically damaged by him.

You have nothing to stay for, and everything to leave for. A lovely new life awaits you, seize it!!

chewymeringue · 03/07/2015 12:36

Good for you op, he's a total pig. If DW treated me like that once I'd be seriously thinking of leaving her. He's a controlling, abusive git. Use the energy your anger is giving you and start planing your new life.

Mehitabel6 · 03/07/2015 13:29

Well done- good luck- I am sure that you will be happier when you have done it. Your DCs will be.

Floundering · 06/07/2015 15:27

MarilynZ how are you ? Smile

MistressDeeCee · 07/07/2015 01:57

Oh why doesn't he just fuck off...I couldn't be bothered putting up with a disrespectful, unmannerly pig I'd have to hit the eject button. Can't you see he doesn't like your son? Who is clearly "your unruly posse"...& causing a problem on the scale of WW3 by forgetting to flush the toilet. He even made you asking about HIS son, a problem to do with YOUR son ie, your asking him a perfectly reasonable question in the presence of your son made him go apeshit.

He has no respect for you and will insult you until you call of the wedding. Even if you don't, he will find a way to call it off. He doesn't want to marry you. But, do you want to marry HIM? A man who speaks to you like that? & does your son hear how he speaks to you? If he does...do you truly think thats appropriate...?

Sorry OP, you need to wake up when a man doesn't want you, take heed. Make an exit plan, and leave with your son. You won't die for lack of this man.

MistressDeeCee · 07/07/2015 01:58

Glad you're putting down a deposit on a house...go and live in peaceSmile

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