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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu about other peoples comments regarding my pregnancy bump/

47 replies

blackbettybambalam · 29/06/2015 15:48

Ok, ok, ok... Probably done to death, but I'm needing the voice of reason today.

Why do some people find it acceptable to keep telling me how massive I am??? I accept that as a size 14 (with body ruined by previous pregnancy) I was never going to look tiny and delicate, but do people have to comment on this every day? If I wasn't pregnant, this behaviour would be construed as rude...why do people not think it is now? I don't feel particularly attractive and I don't need other peoples confirmation of this.
The worst thing is, I'm only 26 weeks
Angry. I've got this for another few months, don't I?

Please help me with some sarky replies....
Th

OP posts:
elderflowerlemonade · 29/06/2015 15:51

It's not meant to say you personally are massive. I take it to mean a big bump = healthy baby; people are trying to be nice Smile

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2015 15:58

If you weren't pregnant, they wouldn't be commenting on the size of your baby bump Grin

It seems to be a relatively 'new thing' to be offended...as in the last 15yrs or so maybe.

At one time it was perfectly normal to hear people comment on the size of a baby bump, without the mother translating it into "I look fat" in her mind.

Still if it annoys you, then you have my sympathy Thanks

Original poster
blackbettybambalam · 29/06/2015 16:01

Well I'm grumpy and irritable so I'm taking it as an insult Confused damn hormones...
I probably wouldn't mind as much if it wasn't the same three people. I bloody heard you when you said the same thing yesterday!!!! Aaaaaargh!
I am aware though that I am very lucky to be pregnant and healthy. I probably need to visit the grip shop

OP posts:
YellowTulips · 29/06/2015 16:01

I found "yes I'm carry some extra weight - it's called a baby. What's your excuse?" quite a good one Smile

Or "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat...." and wait for the look of horror and embarrassment

Or "yep eating for 2 - want to buy me lunch?"Wink

Dunkyourcustardcream · 29/06/2015 16:03

Get over it fatty. I'm a size 14, well, I was... Now a size 124 and 30 weeks pregnant with number 3. Have you got big boobs? Coz that is always a bonus. Go eat two kit Kat chunks with a cup of tea and that's an order.

Original poster
blackbettybambalam · 29/06/2015 16:12

I don't know worra I never fully recovered from the first pregnancyWink

I wouldn't be so offended if it was only said once or twice, but I've been told 5 times today, and having a particularly bad hormonal day. I even have my 'fuck off' face on, but i still seem to be fair game.

Second favorite is 'have you just got one in there'. Of course I fucking well do, unless its a stealth second baby that's evaded all my scans.

Grumble grumble grumble. I miss gin. Maybe I'll have my kit kats as prescribed by dunk instead

OP posts:
YellowTulips · 29/06/2015 16:16

"You know those weapons of mass destruction? There is a reason they never found them all" whilst rubbing belly and winking ;-)

Silentelf · 29/06/2015 16:20

Yanbu I get sick of it too. I'm not even that big, 7 weeks to due date and haven't had to get out the designated maternity wear yet. I guess people just like to comment. And I am big compared to my normal appearance. But it wouldn't be considered acceptable in any other circumstance to constantly comment on someone's appearance! I just try to laugh it off

scrivette · 29/06/2015 16:27

YANBU

One of the reasons I was so pleased to start maternity leave last week was because of the constant comments on my size.

I was constantly told I was huge and asked if I was sure it wasn't twins and yet have been measuring exactly right for my dates.

I get that people want to say something but that really isn't helpful!

Original poster
blackbettybambalam · 29/06/2015 16:30

Lucky you elf! I would say I'm probably a bit bigger than I should be, but not ridiculously so. Apparently baby is on track, so probably just flab fluid. If anyone wanted to comment on my appearance, they would be better off commenting on the fact my face is like a melted welly with all the moaning I'm doing. Speaking of faces... Mine has got a little puffy. Is this normal for pregnancy? Or am I actually turning into a hippo?

OP posts:
YourDaughterHasaTattoo · 29/06/2015 16:31

YANBU. had this too during both pregnancies. In fact had a colleague at work who HAD to say something every time she saw me! Did my bloody head in.
No advice on how to stop it, but just keep thinking of all that lovely may leave you'll be on soon whilst they're still slaving away Wink

SaulGood · 29/06/2015 16:31

People are genuinely being friendly. As pointed out, they mean "isn't nature remarkable/look how marvellously well everything's progressing". Up to you if you want to be rude/sarcastic in response but they aren't being cruel.

Sandbrook · 29/06/2015 16:33

Totally agree with Elderflower, if I have ever said it ti anyone I would never be talking about their weight, just their big healthy baby.
Will rethink my comments in future though

Original poster
blackbettybambalam · 29/06/2015 16:42

Saying it once or twice is acceptable, and wouldn't insult me. Saying it every day is a different kettle of fish, and makes me paranoid about the way I look and that I'm going to have a 12 pounder! And also paranoid if its meant to be a veiled insult because its said so often. Lots of people are being very nice too, and I appreciate that having a big bump is a talking point.

OP posts:
squatcher · 29/06/2015 17:38

You have my sympathy - I hated all those comments and know so many other women who have been upset by similar. In fact I wrote a small rant about it myself at the time - I should dig it out for you. I measured under throughout my pregnancy and still got the "you're massive!" comments all the time. I don't understand how normally considerate people can honestly think that that's what a pregnant woman wants to hear. It's tough enough being tired and hormonal without their "friendly" comments on your appearance.

duckbilled · 29/06/2015 18:49

Yanbu!! It is bloody rude... But i may just be a hormonal pregnant monster!
I have the opposite problem that my bump is tiny at over six months and people keep commenting saying i am lucky, do i have my dates right?, or my personal favourite.... Are you eating enough?
I have a medical condition which causes this, and unfortunately by baby has health implications because of it. The worse thing is i also had this first time round and most of the people commenting know this Confused

Rollermum · 29/06/2015 18:55

I hate this! I was a size 20 last time I was preg and I had a huge bump. Like insanely large but I am also a large person so I felt like all the comments were stupid. I had to fight the urge to say 'yes but I also fat remember?' Like why say this stuff? Also I was really scared if having a giant baby so being constantly reminded was horrible. DD was 17 days late - very comfy in there but was only 8lb 4.

I'm size 18 now and pregnant again so bracing myself for the comments.

ovumahead · 29/06/2015 19:00

Your colleagues sound like they're probably trying to be nice but are going about it in a very unimaginative and repetitive way. Poor you! I love my bump but hate the scrutiny and commentary on my body all day. It's weird and I'll never get used to it! Just think of some weird and / or witty answers to liven it up.... And have some Cake

hotfuzzra · 29/06/2015 19:03

Elderflower and Sandbrook I object to the implication that a big bump = healthy baby.
I had an absolutely normal sized bump according to MW but was told regularly and incredulously that I 'couldn't be that far gone' and I didn't 'look big enough'.
It may have been hormones working overtime but every time I heard it I felt as though they thought I was either not eating enough, not looking after my unborn baby well enough, lying, doing something wrong etc and it was really annoying.
DD was two weeks late, 8lb7oz and is now 95th centile so don't know what was going on during pregnancy oh yes I do, I ate well and didn't fall for the 'eating for two' BS and subsequently didn't put excess weight on Angry

villainousbroodmare · 29/06/2015 19:08

People just feel they have to say something but don't quite know what to say so some put their feet in it.
I imagine those will be the same people who will say faintly gormless things about your baby's appearance, who he resembles, how he's dressed and your sleepless eyebags in a couple of months' time.
I'd put as much effort into pondering the meaning of their remarks as they evidently put into formulating them - ie, none. grin

ifgrandmahadawilly · 29/06/2015 19:22

yanbu. I wrote a raging letter to Boots when one of their servers started harping on about how massive my baby bump was when I was pregnant. Why do people think this is an acceptable thing to comment on to a perfect stranger?

There should be a public information campaign or something (along with one telling people to fuck off and not touch your bump without permission).

PuddlesandMuddles · 29/06/2015 19:25

YADNBU I cannot stand the way people think that they can comment on your shape just because you're pregnant. In my case it had nothing to do with warm, congratulatory comments on a big bump. It was perfectly normal sized and anyway, they didn't say "your bump is nice and big", they said "you're HUGE!!!".

Bloody vacuous, rude, idiot colleagues.

Metalguru · 29/06/2015 19:34

Op yanbu in the slightest, and no, people aren't always "trying to be nice" they're being bloody rude, it's never nice to be called "massive" and have people commenting on your size. I had it through all my pregnancies, and I also found that some (not all) other pregnant women were proud and smug about their smaller neat bumps, which was horrible! I've got a really short body and my bumps stuck out ridiculously from three months, even though My bump actually measured exactly the right number of weeks at every check. I got so fed up with people thinking it was fine to call me huge or massive or tell me I must have my dates wrong or I must be having triplets, that I actually avoided seeing people towards the end!

Baguettes · 29/06/2015 19:39

I find that some people just get genuinely stuck for things to say to pregnant women.

For example, normal comments such as when are you due, how are you feeling, do you know if you're having a boy or a girl...etc seem to pass people by.

The only thing I ever say to pregnant women regarding their bump (women who I KNOW are expecting) is 'Oh wow, you look lovely!'.

I'm nine weeks pregnant and fucking huge already thanks 10lb 4oz DS so not looking forward to the inevitable observations. I will probably just ask them if they would comment on my size or shape if I wasn't pregnant. I may even throw in the discrimination word if I'm at work Grin

OhahIlostmybra · 29/06/2015 19:44

YANBU. It gets wearing. I got told the other day by a lady at work that I "have a big bruiser of a boy in there'. It took everything not to tell her to get to fuck. I am actually measuring nude and I have been told it's a girl.