to want to move house because of a neighbour?

[Confusedmartie999]

Have only lived here 5 months and signed into 12 month contract so can't go anywhere before then :(
They are making my life bloody hell, first it was knocking as the cat was going in their cat flap at night so now we chase the cat around all evening trying to catch him. I'm apokugised and bought them chocolates.
Then they knocked about him going in during the day at siting on their sofa.
Then they knocked about hearing the TV through the living room walls and today they saw me scuff another neighbours car ( mainly due to them coming around the corner and I thought they were going to stop to let me out and they didn't so I turned too much ) and as I got out to go and knock on the neighbours door said " not good not good " even know I was in tears with 2 young children in the back.
I can't live there any longer than I have to.

[madeitagain]

Once I had a horrible, bullying neighbour. After trying the civil reasonable approach several times I went to the police. They did take it seriously. I told the nasty, bullying neighbour I had reported countless episodes of harassment. I had a copy of a form I had filled out to confirm this. He was still a pain but he backed off, ( as bullies do when exposed) and it made me feel less vulnerable and more in control. If your situation ever reaches that level or indeed has become as bad as this, then this is an option. I don't think you are being over sensitive or any such thing. Nobody on this thread or elsewhere needs to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel.

[Confusedmartie999]

Well I knocked at the neighbour across the road about her picking up the cat and really just to see what actually took place and she said she was just going to baracade him in until the other neighbours got their cat in.
Could be true although I pointed out the most sensible option was to knock at the door after putting him in and let my husband know what was going on.
Turns out she was told that feed the cat outside ( not true at all, we only leave wet food outside to get him in so we can get him of an evening so he doesn't go into their house ) and even worse that my 4 year old son was striking him over and over again, which was 2 months ago, was nothing of the sort, it was my son getting him down as to not go into their garden.
Really upset that they are bad mouthing a 4 year old.
I don't think I'm over reacting, I think they are fucking assholes.

[Aridane]

OP - Imhave read this thread and your other cat thread. My sympathies were / sort of are with you _ it's horrible being uncomfortable in your own home. And I didn't think you were overreacting.

However, reading your last few posts, your reaction does now come across as really disproportionate / over the top.

Now your last post recalls the conversation with other neighbour - what did you say in response to their comments about the time your boy hit the cat, that you leave cat food outside.

Might be worth checking with the CAB whether you can break the lease at 6 months, notwithstanding the absence of the written break clause - eg is it the law that either party can exit at six months, notwithstanding what the lease says?

Think carefully though as to whether moving is the answer - will you exchange one set of problems for another?

[WilburIsSomePig]

YANBU at all, I've seen your other posts too. Leave as soon as you are able to, it looks like they are just looking for things to have a go about.

If you have a cat flap, you know that there's a risk of other animals coming in. I have one and its happened before so now I keep the internal doors closed.

They sound bloody horrible and I think they see you as an easy target.

[Confusedmartie999]

I replied that the reason the 4 year old was attempting to knock the cat off the fence was because at 4 he has been there on all the occasions they have moaned about the cat, he has seen us chasing him around catching him of an evening so he's aware it's a problem if he goes into their house hence his attempt to get him down.
I also told her we only leave wet cat food outside our back door in hope when he comes back for it we can grab him to get him in for the night.
I don't think my reaction is over the top, I think they're mental and I think I played this all bloody wrong.
I was so relieved when we moved here as our last place has plasterboard walls and we could hear the neoughboirs conversations and they could hear the kids playing or waking up early and would mention it in passing that I was just too nice, I even told them about the kids getting up early and the neighbour moaning and they laughed and said god over kids!
How things bloody change.
Really fucking glad I didn't offer anything towards the cat flap now that I know they've insulted my 4 year old to a neighbour not relevant to this at all.

[workingdilemma]

YANBU - it sounds like youbhave moved into nimby central.

I would almost be tempted to start playing up to this image they have of you..nothing illegal, just leaving the bins out, barbeques every other day till say 10pm, the music turned up just that little bit louder, parking in an annoying (but not illegal) way - perhaps even invite round smoker friends to have the occasional cheeky cig outside. If they see you, give them a little wave and a grin.

Of course don't do that, but that is what these snobby 'oooh - not a renter' types deserve.

[Confusedmartie999]

I would love to do that but I think they could be quite malicious and would worry they would call the RSPCA / even the police about the 4 year old with a mop incident.
I would literally put nothing past them :(

[mathanxiety]

More catastrophising.

I think you are doing a lot of this to yourself.
Your last post is an imaginary scenario.

[Confusedmartie999]

You haven't lives here to know what they are like and how they have said things.
To repeat to a neighbour what a 4 year old did is pretty low so I wouldn't put anything past them.

[mathanxiety]

'I wouldn't put anything past them' is still imagining things that they haven't actually done.

You could say 'they haven't actually done it yet ' but the bottom line is they have not done it and by imagining them doing it you are not helping yourself through this, but instead adding to your stress.

[Sazzle41]

You need to ignore if you are in on your own as they obviously see you as easy target. Otherwise they would not wait til your DP isnt around. The cat thing is of their own making.

You need to change the dynamic whereby you grovel as its feeding their self righteousness. Ignore unless your husband is there. If they arent getting a reaction when they yank your chain they will give up eventually. I lived in a cul de sac like this, i just ignored, ignored, ignored. They soon gave up.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

they are being a bit nasty, you are taking it all to heart, easy to say but try just smiling and nodding, they are getting off on knowing they are upsetting you. some folk are just like that, nothing you have done is that major, try ignoring them as much as you can. if there is an issue then resolve it if you can and if you can't just smile and nod. That's how DH deals with our numpty neighbours who ignore us for the most part but if they get the slightest chance for an issue they leap on it, for example, ds1 had his mates round while we were away for the weekend, not a party but his small crowd of buddies. they sit on our patio and drink and some of them smoke, fag ends were deposited over the fence which I agree is totally unacceptable but neighbour knocked and said 'can I show you something?' so DH was trotted round to be shown few fag ends ' oh dear' says DH ' I will have a strong word with DS1' neighbour labours the point (over and over) 'I will have a strong word with DS1' says DH then attempts to leave, neighbour then ups the ante and says 'there were beer cans too' Ds1 totally denies that any cans were lobbed over but did admit the fag ends for which he has been told off about and his friends are now banned for the forseeable, so yes some people just want a row and sounds like you have some right next door. DO NOT LET THEM GRIND YOU DOWN, find the balls to not care unless it really is something in your control that you can change / apologise for.

[yongnian]

confusedmartie you have my every sympathy, I can virtually hear the stress jumping out of your posts. I completely get how it is when you feel so got at so close to home. There is literally no place to go with it, and that is particularly hard with small children.
It is one of those horrible things that has to have been experienced to be believed how it can get to you.
Seriously, best advice is to put your focus on finding somewhere else, it does help. I've had this in a house I had no intention of moving from and with a 3 month old baby...escalating to police and legal action...just plan to move and do your utmost not to engage. Nobody else can tell you how to feel about this kind of stuff.

[Confusedmartie999]

Thankyou all so much for your understanding
We've had to move a lot renting with landlords upping the rent or selling and we finally found somehere close to a lovely school my son will start in September, within our budget, a long let as an investment landlord, a garden for the kids that they've never had before and they have ruined it :(
I can't stay here, I will be a nervous wreck and my son keeps asking if the cats in trouble again, I won't have him exposed to this kind of shit at such a young age

[mathanxiety]

Try using the phrase 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. You can practice it and develop a little smile while you say it.

A big part of this is you adding unnecessary 'What Ifs' to some fairly 'in your face' but not overwhelmingly horrible encounters.

You are catastrophising again with the 'I will be a nervous wreck..' and you have it within your own control to make sure your son is not affected by any of what the neighbours say. You are not powerless here in the face of monsters.

I think you need to try seeing only what has actually happened, stop reading malevolence into situations that may not be there at all, and stop imagining worst possible scenarios.

[Confusedmartie999]

Yeah that's a good plan, just hard when emotions are involved x

[Kinsman]

For all you know the last tenants were a total nightmare and these small issues are now just pushing their buttons. I agree that offering to pay for a more secure cat flap is a great idea. They may not accept but at least you would have tried.

As for the rest, why not pop round to theirs with your husband (useful to have a witness) and calmly explain how you're feeling (unhappy, picked on and as if you're going to have to leave a home you love) and ask how you can work together to live next to one another more harmoniously.

If the ill feeling still continues then it might be best to consider moving.

IMO the root of all these kinds of problems is communication (or lack thereof). If you address the issue head on, without getting angry or sarcastic, you might find that it nips things in the bud. At the very least they will learn that you confront this kind of thing and won't allow this low level bullying to simmer on and on.

[Confusedmartie999]

There's no way I'm offering to pay for a cat flap after they've insulted my 4 year old son to a neighbour who had nothing to do with it.

[PosterEh]

OP I agree with mathanxiety, you've gone very quickly from "repeating what a 4yr old did" to "insulting my 4yr old".
The more you dwell on this petty stuff the bigger deal it's going to seem.

[LoisEinhorn]

We have cats and a cat flap. Neighbours cats come in at night. I wouldn't expect the neighbours to take action to stop them coming in, that's ridiculous.
If we had a problem it would be down to us to stop it.

[Confusedmartie999]

Well it's the same thing isn't it.
To you it may be petty but to me it's not.
It's hard to explain emotions through a screen :(

[mathanxiety]

It's not the same thing and that's the problem here. The way you choose to see all of this is adding to your upset. You are building this thing into something massive and getting carried away.

[MidniteScribbler]

I would love to hear the neighbours side of this whole story.

[Confusedmartie999]

I can assure you this is exactly as it has happened.
I'm not explaining it to anyone that I need to sugar coat things for, none of you know me so I have no reason at all not I tell the full story.
I wanted others opinions as to whether I am over reacting to be so upset, there would be zero point in that if there was more to the story anyway.