to want to move house because of a neighbour?

[Confusedmartie999]

Have only lived here 5 months and signed into 12 month contract so can't go anywhere before then :(
They are making my life bloody hell, first it was knocking as the cat was going in their cat flap at night so now we chase the cat around all evening trying to catch him. I'm apokugised and bought them chocolates.
Then they knocked about him going in during the day at siting on their sofa.
Then they knocked about hearing the TV through the living room walls and today they saw me scuff another neighbours car ( mainly due to them coming around the corner and I thought they were going to stop to let me out and they didn't so I turned too much ) and as I got out to go and knock on the neighbours door said " not good not good " even know I was in tears with 2 young children in the back.
I can't live there any longer than I have to.

[CrapBag]

OP, I have always been fairly anxious. Some times are worse than others. Last year I did a compassionate focused therapy course and catastrophisising is something we discussed. It really rings bells reading your posts.

Yes your neighbours sound annoying. But not to the extent that you are worrying and going over the minor events that have happened. You said they don't knock when your DH is home, they know they wouldn't get away with this crap. Get him to go around telling them to back off. I bet they do.

The fact that they told their neighbour/friend that your son hit the cat, it's true! The reasons are irrelevant. Your son tried to get the cat off the wall by hitting/knocking it with a handle, they told their friend about it (yes they need a life tbh). It is not the end of the world. It concerns me how much of a huge deal you are making these things. Tell them to jog on and be done with it. I'm not sure it is necessary for you to move over this. From threads on here there are far far worse people to live next to.

Ignore them and carry on with your life.

You sound very overly anxious.

[mathanxiety]

You really are doing 90% of this to yourself.

[Confusedmartie999]

I'm finding it very hard not to, after knowing they repeated whAt my 4 year old did to a neighbour completely unrelated.
They are making it no secret how annoyed they are with the cat, he was sitting on the fence just now and they were saying to him no go away you're not coming in here upsetting our cats

[mathanxiety]

Only if you sit around dwelling on it.

[Confusedmartie999]

Hmmm yeah but it's almost more unnerving :(

[mathanxiety]

Not seeing the neighbour is a good thing, right? No news is good news?

[Confusedmartie999]

Haven't seen the neighbour to say anything but still feels awful

[Confusedmartie999]

I can assure you this is exactly as it has happened.
I'm not explaining it to anyone that I need to sugar coat things for, none of you know me so I have no reason at all not I tell the full story.
I wanted others opinions as to whether I am over reacting to be so upset, there would be zero point in that if there was more to the story anyway.

[MidniteScribbler]

I would love to hear the neighbours side of this whole story.

[mathanxiety]

It's not the same thing and that's the problem here. The way you choose to see all of this is adding to your upset. You are building this thing into something massive and getting carried away.

[Confusedmartie999]

Well it's the same thing isn't it.
To you it may be petty but to me it's not.
It's hard to explain emotions through a screen :(

[LoisEinhorn]

We have cats and a cat flap. Neighbours cats come in at night. I wouldn't expect the neighbours to take action to stop them coming in, that's ridiculous.
If we had a problem it would be down to us to stop it.

[PosterEh]

OP I agree with mathanxiety, you've gone very quickly from "repeating what a 4yr old did" to "insulting my 4yr old".
The more you dwell on this petty stuff the bigger deal it's going to seem.

[Confusedmartie999]

There's no way I'm offering to pay for a cat flap after they've insulted my 4 year old son to a neighbour who had nothing to do with it.

[Kinsman]

For all you know the last tenants were a total nightmare and these small issues are now just pushing their buttons. I agree that offering to pay for a more secure cat flap is a great idea. They may not accept but at least you would have tried.

As for the rest, why not pop round to theirs with your husband (useful to have a witness) and calmly explain how you're feeling (unhappy, picked on and as if you're going to have to leave a home you love) and ask how you can work together to live next to one another more harmoniously.

If the ill feeling still continues then it might be best to consider moving.

IMO the root of all these kinds of problems is communication (or lack thereof). If you address the issue head on, without getting angry or sarcastic, you might find that it nips things in the bud. At the very least they will learn that you confront this kind of thing and won't allow this low level bullying to simmer on and on.

[Confusedmartie999]

Yeah that's a good plan, just hard when emotions are involved x

[mathanxiety]

Try using the phrase 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. You can practice it and develop a little smile while you say it.

A big part of this is you adding unnecessary 'What Ifs' to some fairly 'in your face' but not overwhelmingly horrible encounters.

You are catastrophising again with the 'I will be a nervous wreck..' and you have it within your own control to make sure your son is not affected by any of what the neighbours say. You are not powerless here in the face of monsters.

I think you need to try seeing only what has actually happened, stop reading malevolence into situations that may not be there at all, and stop imagining worst possible scenarios.

[Confusedmartie999]

Thankyou all so much for your understanding
We've had to move a lot renting with landlords upping the rent or selling and we finally found somehere close to a lovely school my son will start in September, within our budget, a long let as an investment landlord, a garden for the kids that they've never had before and they have ruined it :(
I can't stay here, I will be a nervous wreck and my son keeps asking if the cats in trouble again, I won't have him exposed to this kind of shit at such a young age

[yongnian]

confusedmartie you have my every sympathy, I can virtually hear the stress jumping out of your posts. I completely get how it is when you feel so got at so close to home. There is literally no place to go with it, and that is particularly hard with small children.
It is one of those horrible things that has to have been experienced to be believed how it can get to you.
Seriously, best advice is to put your focus on finding somewhere else, it does help. I've had this in a house I had no intention of moving from and with a 3 month old baby...escalating to police and legal action...just plan to move and do your utmost not to engage. Nobody else can tell you how to feel about this kind of stuff.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

they are being a bit nasty, you are taking it all to heart, easy to say but try just smiling and nodding, they are getting off on knowing they are upsetting you. some folk are just like that, nothing you have done is that major, try ignoring them as much as you can. if there is an issue then resolve it if you can and if you can't just smile and nod. That's how DH deals with our numpty neighbours who ignore us for the most part but if they get the slightest chance for an issue they leap on it, for example, ds1 had his mates round while we were away for the weekend, not a party but his small crowd of buddies. they sit on our patio and drink and some of them smoke, fag ends were deposited over the fence which I agree is totally unacceptable but neighbour knocked and said 'can I show you something?' so DH was trotted round to be shown few fag ends ' oh dear' says DH ' I will have a strong word with DS1' neighbour labours the point (over and over) 'I will have a strong word with DS1' says DH then attempts to leave, neighbour then ups the ante and says 'there were beer cans too' Ds1 totally denies that any cans were lobbed over but did admit the fag ends for which he has been told off about and his friends are now banned for the forseeable, so yes some people just want a row and sounds like you have some right next door. DO NOT LET THEM GRIND YOU DOWN, find the balls to not care unless it really is something in your control that you can change / apologise for.

[Sazzle41]

You need to ignore if you are in on your own as they obviously see you as easy target. Otherwise they would not wait til your DP isnt around. The cat thing is of their own making.

You need to change the dynamic whereby you grovel as its feeding their self righteousness. Ignore unless your husband is there. If they arent getting a reaction when they yank your chain they will give up eventually. I lived in a cul de sac like this, i just ignored, ignored, ignored. They soon gave up.

[mathanxiety]

'I wouldn't put anything past them' is still imagining things that they haven't actually done.

You could say 'they haven't actually done it yet ' but the bottom line is they have not done it and by imagining them doing it you are not helping yourself through this, but instead adding to your stress.

[Confusedmartie999]

You haven't lives here to know what they are like and how they have said things.
To repeat to a neighbour what a 4 year old did is pretty low so I wouldn't put anything past them.

[mathanxiety]

More catastrophising.

I think you are doing a lot of this to yourself.
Your last post is an imaginary scenario.

[Confusedmartie999]

I would love to do that but I think they could be quite malicious and would worry they would call the RSPCA / even the police about the 4 year old with a mop incident.
I would literally put nothing past them :(