to want to punch brown-nosing colleague right in his smug face

[MrsGideon]

I work in a very small team of 4 and the guy opposite me is the BIGGEST suck-up I've ever met. He gets in at about 8 every morning, doesn't leave until gone 7pm, NEVER takes holiday (except once when he took a day off and then came in at lunchtime because he was bored) and then, when asked, claims that he has soooooooooo much to do that he couldn't possibly take a day off. WE HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF WORK!! I feel like it's making me look bad, even though I'm clearly more efficient than he is

He also agrees with literally everything the boss says and is one of those people whose opinions change based on who he is with at the time.

AND he's one of those people who spends 90% of each phone call he makes talking absolute bullshit and not listening to the poor candidate on the other end while annoyingly pacing up and down the room

I know I sound like a right bitch but I needed to get that off my chest

//end rant

Please make me feel better by telling me hilarrible tales of your annoying colleagues?

ahbollocks you've hit a raw nerve.
I'm slim and fit and share an office with people on slimming world / juice master / ww /. They comment on every single atom I eat. They scrutinise me to the point that it affects how and what I eat in the office. I would / could not respond with advice or helpful suggestions.
One lady ate 18 muller rice every day for a month. I didn't say a word but she slagged me off for my "healthy eating" every day.
At one point I thought she was obsessing about my lunch as she would sneak in to the kitchen and report back about what my lunch contained. It made me dread lunchtimes at work.
I was only eating cheese wraps FFS!

Piper Ugh sounds like a David Brent nightmare !