I work in a very small team of 4 and the guy opposite me is the BIGGEST suck-up I've ever met. He gets in at about 8 every morning, doesn't leave until gone 7pm, NEVER takes holiday (except once when he took a day off and then came in at lunchtime because he was bored) and then, when asked, claims that he has soooooooooo much to do that he couldn't possibly take a day off. WE HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF WORK!! I feel like it's making me look bad, even though I'm clearly more efficient than he is 
He also agrees with literally everything the boss says and is one of those people whose opinions change based on who he is with at the time.
AND he's one of those people who spends 90% of each phone call he makes talking absolute bullshit and not listening to the poor candidate on the other end while annoyingly pacing up and down the room
I know I sound like a right bitch but I needed to get that off my chest 
//end rant
Please make me feel better by telling me hilarrible tales of your annoying colleagues?
AIBU?
to want to punch brown-nosing colleague right in his smug face
MrsGideon · 25/06/2015 12:40
No you don't sound bitchy ahbollocks. It's boring but okay, people can talk about what they want, so you have to ignore it.
It's just that like PiperChapstick says, it can get cliquey and bullying. I worked somewhere where two women tried to impose a chocolate ban.
One tried to impose a 'no chocolate until 4pm' on our desk and the other, who was the boss, was 'no chocolate at all except Friday afternoons when I'm going to send my secretary out for lots of choclatey treats from M&S and a few bottles of wine on expenses and then you're all going to eat them so I can use you as cover for gorging myself.'
She used to insist her secretary got those 3 for 2 buckets of choclatey cakes - millionaire's shortbread, brownies, mini swiss rolls, rice krispie cakes.
I'm not particularly fussed about chocolate so it didn't bother me, but if they had substance abuse issues then it was more appropriate for them to enter rehab than to seek to normalise their addiction by imposing restrictions on other people.
I think that's what all the best therapists say.
I know I did as I forced down a Flake that I didn't particularly want in front of them at 11am on a Wednesday.
It's presenteeism... Look at me, I'm so overworked but reliable and dedicated that I'm here practically all the time.
And people fall for it... 
I spent a lot of my working life in Ireland, where this behaviour would be considered nothing more than a complete inability to do your job within the given hours. No plaudits would be handed out for taking longer than necessary to perform a task; your very competency would be questioned and found wanting.
Oh, and auditors are always very interested in people who don't take holidays. Prepare to have an unusually thorough investigation next time.
You know, it's only in UK (and USA) that working late/early/more is seen as a good thing. On the continent, if you have to work over your hours, you are not doing a good, efficient job.
Work/life balance 
PM's sent. Little treasure hunt for you. You get bonus points if you can find:
The snooker statue
The Asda carrier bag
The carpeted bath
The tiger
The gold taps
The shit 'hidden' but reflected in the mirror
The stuffed fox
CatThief, can I have a pm of the guy's house please? I'm a nosy person, you see!
I had a colleague who started off OK, but then turned into a complete brown-noser - including arriving at work an hour early to make the boss scrambled eggs on toast
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