to want to punch brown-nosing colleague right in his smug face

[MrsGideon]

I work in a very small team of 4 and the guy opposite me is the BIGGEST suck-up I've ever met. He gets in at about 8 every morning, doesn't leave until gone 7pm, NEVER takes holiday (except once when he took a day off and then came in at lunchtime because he was bored) and then, when asked, claims that he has soooooooooo much to do that he couldn't possibly take a day off. WE HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF WORK!! I feel like it's making me look bad, even though I'm clearly more efficient than he is

He also agrees with literally everything the boss says and is one of those people whose opinions change based on who he is with at the time.

AND he's one of those people who spends 90% of each phone call he makes talking absolute bullshit and not listening to the poor candidate on the other end while annoyingly pacing up and down the room

I know I sound like a right bitch but I needed to get that off my chest

//end rant

Please make me feel better by telling me hilarrible tales of your annoying colleagues?

Office Creep Of All Time has to be the woman who said to our boss: 'Do you know what Jane, I've been so busy all morning, I've only just noticed how lovely your shoes are.'

I like that too. He sounds like my kind of creep.

One of the secretary's in my work really annoys me for two reasons. One I think she's a smug cow and two (most importantly) everyday she wears a Dierdre Barlow belt (RIP) I would like to flick her in the eye with that bloody Dierdre Barlow belt ????????

chapstick I love your description of your colleague.

Hmmm. Lots of annoying colleagues. Lots.
I remember saying to one colleague, well moaning really about my dog chewing the furniture and her response was to get him put down. I think I responded with "yea,maybe"
Conversation over!

She was awful this woman. She was a technician at where I work and we would all put in requests, often the same requests and for some people there would be no problem but for others she would claim that we didn't have any of the equipment for what they would ask for.

I've not articulated well what she was like. But she was awful

We all have someone we don't like at work. It's life. And keeps things entertaining!

If you've not read dr phil's 'life code' you can listen to it on YouTube, someone has uploaded the audio version. Very interesting and he talks about these sorts of people and how to cope. I'm not saying this colleague is bad news but dr phil shows you how to spot the red flags.

What's with all the murderous people?!

Cathief please please pm me that guy's house, I need a laugh this morning

I had a colleague who started off OK, but then turned into a complete brown-noser - including arriving at work an hour early to make the boss scrambled eggs on toast

CatThief, can I have a pm of the guy's house please? I'm a nosy person, you see!

PM's sent. Little treasure hunt for you. You get bonus points if you can find:

The snooker statue
The Asda carrier bag
The carpeted bath
The tiger
The gold taps
The shit 'hidden' but reflected in the mirror
The stuffed fox

I'm sure there was a link to this house in chat a while back. The list for bonus points brought the house to mind.

If it's the one I remember, the house was gross.

I can confirm that CatThief's colleague's house is every bit as bad as she described.

It's a thing of wonder!

Another person I worked with kept a spreadsheet and tracked everyone's time of arrival, lunch & leaving time. It wasn't her job she was just an interferring busy body. Grrrr
She also used to highlight if people were late by saying very loudly 'sorry I haven't made you a drink but I hung on until 8am', the inference being you were late when in reality it was 8.01 when you started.

Oh wow! This thread!

Catthief, would you mind PM-ing me the link too please - I want to play!

You should let the estate agent know next time he does it that he's got form, they won't want to waste their time!

I used to work with someone who used to "adjust" himself and he somehow made it a really big gesture - like arms of a clock sweeping round to adjust his parts. Eurrrgh!

He's getting married in November? Just wait, he'll ask your boss to be best man/matron of honour - whichever fits. You can't trump that.

You know, it's only in UK (and USA) that working late/early/more is seen as a good thing. On the continent, if you have to work over your hours, you are not doing a good, efficient job.

Work/life balance

CatThief could I have a PM too please? I wanna see the adds bag!

*asda

catthief I remember that thread soooo well. Fucking bastard.

Mine is being in one office surrounded by women on slimming world and weight watchers diet. That was the sole topic of conversation for approx 3 years. Flapping on about muller lights and syns and points and groups.
Fwiw I dont think they ever lost more than a 1lb between them.

I realise I sound a bit bitchy there but it was absolutely infuriating!

It's presenteeism... Look at me, I'm so overworked but reliable and dedicated that I'm here practically all the time.
And people fall for it...
I spent a lot of my working life in Ireland, where this behaviour would be considered nothing more than a complete inability to do your job within the given hours. No plaudits would be handed out for taking longer than necessary to perform a task; your very competency would be questioned and found wanting.
Oh, and auditors are always very interested in people who don't take holidays. Prepare to have an unusually thorough investigation next time.

ahbollocks I feel your pain - all the women in my office are on a diet at the moment and declared last week that "chocolate was banned" even for non dieters apparently.
not sure they took too kindly today time shoving a Twirl into my God at lunchtime

*gob!

Ah yes, the dieters are the worst! I love to bake and to eat the results. If I bring cakes into work it never fails to provoke a chorus of "ooh no, I'm being good this week." Yet somehow all of the cakes end up eaten by lunchtime and I never see them do it! I suspect they sneak them into the file room so they can scoff in secret while loudly declaring how "naughty" it is to eat cake

No you don't sound bitchy ahbollocks. It's boring but okay, people can talk about what they want, so you have to ignore it.

It's just that like PiperChapstick says, it can get cliquey and bullying. I worked somewhere where two women tried to impose a chocolate ban.

One tried to impose a 'no chocolate until 4pm' on our desk and the other, who was the boss, was 'no chocolate at all except Friday afternoons when I'm going to send my secretary out for lots of choclatey treats from M&S and a few bottles of wine on expenses and then you're all going to eat them so I can use you as cover for gorging myself.'

She used to insist her secretary got those 3 for 2 buckets of choclatey cakes - millionaire's shortbread, brownies, mini swiss rolls, rice krispie cakes.

I'm not particularly fussed about chocolate so it didn't bother me, but if they had substance abuse issues then it was more appropriate for them to enter rehab than to seek to normalise their addiction by imposing restrictions on other people.

I think that's what all the best therapists say.

I know I did as I forced down a Flake that I didn't particularly want in front of them at 11am on a Wednesday.