AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

[Fishnchipsagain]

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

Just to answer some of the bitchy comments. Not everyone sends their children to an independent school because they think it is a better or the kids are "nicer." Sometimes it is because it is the only choice.

At a private school my children used to go to, until we moved them because it was shit and the head a crook, four kids were found having sex in the toilets, there was a lot of bullying from kids and staff and plenty of parents who had little manners, intelligence, modesty they just happened to have enough money/a rich father to send their kids there.

Every school has a diverse mix of children and parents. Hardly news worthy.

God, this all started because of a ridiculous premise by the OP.

Now people are answering with equally subjective illogical reasons of their own

Back away. The OP's long gone!

I always made mine change before we went to the park when they were at First School. I now know that was a good idea.

I've read a lot of this thread - and based on the opinions of mum's posting here I've decided to never mix with anybody who has a child again and will keep mine firmly away from them locked in a big room.

I feel I am justified as everyone knows that you can judge an entire demographic/community/ethnic group/mammals/lifeforms on the behaviour of 0.0000000000000000000000000000000001% of the population or usually judging by the comments on here an even smaller percentage.

Also sending your DC to a particular school to avoid disruptive behaviour is less a comment on children and more on how schools are able to deal with said disruption.

Teachers have been saying consistently for years that they have been stripped piecemeal of ways to deal with disruption.

When I visit schools ( which is regularly) one of the main issues for the pupils I speak to is the poor behaviour of others which they feel impedes their learning.

Barely anyone who has chosen private have said they've done so because they don't want their kids mixing with "riffraff" and yet private school kids have been called every name under the sun

Errr might that be because they are not as naive and goady as the OP and know they would be eaten alive on MN for it? [see treeshine's post]

wordfactory you are right how others behave affects learning imo schools have it tough disruptive behaviour has a huge impact on a class/school

I've worked with children for many years and I'm a Mum to 5DC and became an auntie when I was 7 years old.Our family's are full of children.I've had a lot of experience with children from all sorts of backgrounds.

The behavior you would have witnessed is going to be mainly down to the parenting styles and not the schools so much that the children attend.

I do understand why you'd be so worried.Our children used to all attend the schools that were local to us.I've lived in the same area all of my life,so 40 years.A lot of the children were really lovely,sadly a lot of the parents not so much.

We removed our children from the local schools,it now takes just over an hour to get to they're schools and back.They're not private schools,but the difference in the attitude of the parents and therefore the children is very obvious from the start.

In the area where we live and the area that our children attend school,neighbors,parents ect are actively encouraged to report any worrying behavior of any child or adults with them to the school they attend.I don't know if it's the same where you live,if it is you know what school the children go to because of they're uniform so I'd give them a ring.

Oh there are definitely those who pay to avoid the hoi paloi. Lots do it by post code, faith etc too.

And some avoid private because of their belief that every child there will be a sociopath.

But for the rest of us it's a tad more nuanced than that.

If it is good prep school then children will have been on the list for a place since they were conceived. I doubt you will be able to get in anyway, so make your peace with those rowdy kids as your child will be one of them...

"I have always found that Sparklingbrook - in a mixed group you couldn't possibly tell."

Yep. All my Ds's close friends are nice middle class boys like him. They come from a wide range of schools- but you can't tell one form 'tother. There are just more of them in some schools than others!

Lots of schools have issues with discipline, be those issues very visible (overt bad behaviour) or, perhaps more perniciously, more subtle forms. It can be very difficult to work out as a potential parent where your family will fit in the best.

I work with children with behavioural problems and see them from both private and state schools.
I've often encountered a certain arrogance from privately educated children.
I have five dc from adult to pre schoolers and none of them would have behaved like that without me intervening and correcting them nothing to do with the school.

We couldn't have afforded a lot of great state primaries around us because houses in their catchment areas (and we are talking a couple of hundred metres) cost upwards of 1.5 million pounds.
I am actually at the feeling of achievement if your students are not pregnant or in custody by the time they seat GCSE. Amazingly dedicated teachers, but what this environment is like for kids that actually want to learn and go into further education?!

Haven't read whole thread yet. M

Has someone pointed out yet that we could all send out kids to private school if we merely tightened our belts, drove a crap car and shopped at Aldi instead of Waitrose.

Private school offers a multitude of advantages namely:

1. Good education due to smaller classes, better facilities etc

1. Inclusion to an old boy network

1. Better social circle (middle and upper class friends rather than council estate friends)

No one wants to admit facts 2 or 3

we could all send out kids to private school if we merely tightened our belts, drove a crap car and shopped at Aldi instead of Waitrose.

Not true.

I think the kid who is the arrogant shit in private would be even worse in state where he/she would have substantially more than most of the other kids.

I think for some kids it can be a wake up call tbh.

I send my kids private because it's convenient, I can afford it, and I'm a LP and the timings work better with my job.

Nothing to do with riff raff in the state sector :)

I think for AIBU it was quite a measured thread so far with just a couple of posters spoiling for a fight.

I live beside a private school in Dublin and honest to god I wouldnt send my kids near it. Yes they speak "nice" but ive heard them in our local shop and they have manners of a dog. They are arrogant and loud. And this isn't a few kids, its different kids over the years. My kids go to a local nonfee paying school and yes some of them are loud and use a few choice words but are mannerly and friendly..my kids will be just fine..

"I am actually shock at the feeling of achievement if your students are not pregnant or in custody by the time they seat GCSE. Amazingly dedicated teachers, but what this environment is like for kids that actually want to learn and go into further education?!"
I would take this with the same pinch of salt you take posts about privTe school kids turning up in helicopters........

YABU - Look round the school.

I was a bit taken back by the range of children we met day our pfb started state primary school - we'd been out and about a lot in local area but was still taken back.

TBH some of the worst behaved DC had very middle class parents - both working.

Yet school is very inclusive, had good behavioural reward systems, it a big school yet feels friendly the older DC and staff model the behaviour expected by the younger ones - the different ages interact and it doesn't tolerate bullying or low level teasing and all the staff are approachable.

You go round the school - they like parents in and around for events and things apparently not all school are as welcoming - children are polite friendly and open and close doors. You can see these same children out with their parents and when younger they really are little brats.

Nearby there is a school that offer very good teaching but parents swearing and fighting in the playground is a huge problem - letters home about it - know people with children there. At my DC school head teacher is on the playground saying hello and goodbye most days to children and parents - always approachable to parents.

It's foolish to say there are no benefit to private education - small classes is an obvious one but I think all the extra opportunities that private frequently brings don't kick in till older ages.

Best source of information about schools was other parents - talking about how their DC were getting on. Obviously not always an option - we moving to an area where we know no one but we were here when eldest was 2 and then when I started taking note which as better schools.

If you think there are no thugs in private schools, you're sadly mistaken.

we could all send out kids to private school if we merely tightened our belts, drove a crap car and shopped at Aldi instead of Waitrose.

Not true at all. We don't run a car at all and already shop at Aldi - that how we bought/afford our house. There is not much more we can tighten our belt.

Even if we had just one DC - and smaller house and food costs - still wouldn't be able to afford it really. Plus there are a lot of incidental costs from what I understand outside the headline figures.

Does the private school not have its own playground? Why are the nice kids having to play with those awful thugs?

I also don't see the big problem with drugs being a problem in private schools.
If DC can't afford drugs in state, and sniff glue instead, is that any better? No!